How to stop feeling guilty?
The story
I keep replaying the moment in my head—when i told her i wanted a divorce. after twenty years of marriage, saying those words felt like ripping out part of myself, but staying had become a different kind of slow death. she’s not well, her health is fragile, and that’s what makes it all so much harder. i’m not heartless. i still care. but i was living with someone who chipped away at my dignity for years. disrespect doesn’t show up all at once; it creeps in slowly. a condescending remark here, a dismissive gesture there, and before you know it, you’re invisible in your own life. i tried. really. therapy, talks, compromises that only I kept. and when i finally realized that no amount of loyalty would bring back the man i used to be, i chose to leave. but how do you stop the guilt when someone you leave behind is struggling physically? it’s not a movie with a clean ending, it’s more like walking out of a burning house that still has someone you once loved trapped inside. except that person won’t take your hand even when you reach back;
some people tell me, “you did the right thing,” others ask, “how could you leave her now?” and i honestly don’t have a satisfying answer to either. the guilt isn’t just about her condition—it’s about the idea that maybe i should’ve been stronger, more forgiving, more patient. maybe i failed some unspoken moral test. yet at the same time, don’t i have the right to protect myself too? we don’t talk about that enough—how emotional erosion can kill you just as surely as illness. i wasn’t trying to escape responsibility. i was trying to escape becoming a bitter, hollow version of myself. but now, every time someone says her name or i hear that she's been in and out of the doctor’s office again, it hits me like a sucker punch. do i reach out? would that help her—or just help me feel better? is guilt something that fades with time, or something you carry like a scar?
i guess what i really want to ask is—how do you know when you’ve done enough? when does choosing yourself stop feeling like abandonment? i read somewhere that “self-respect is the fruit of discipline,” and i’m trying to believe that choosing to walk away was an act of discipline, not betrayal. but most days, the line is blurry as hell. i keep showing up for work, paying the bills, calling our grown kids, pretending like everything is fine. but underneath, it’s like dragging a bag of wet cement everywhere i go. maybe guilt isn’t something to get rid of. maybe it’s just proof that you still give a damn. but it’d be nice if it didn’t show up every time i sit alone in a quiet room. so yeah—if you’ve ever had to choose between staying loyal and staying alive inside, how did you stop feeling like the villain in your own story?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
dude, I gotta say, I think you're kinda bailing at the worst possible time. like, she's not doing well physically, and you're just thinking about yourself? 😬 I mean, "self-respect is the fruit of discipline," sure, but wouldn't the real act of discipline have been sticking it out and working to improve things? life ain't a movie, obviously, so maybe it's time for some tough love and grit rather than running for the hills. reminds me of when my friend decided to split from their partner during a rough patch, thinking they'd find peace, but turns out, it just messed them up even more; always gotta ask—what's really worth preserving here? emotional erosion or not, sometimes the right move isn't the easiest one to make, man.
oh man, i totally get that you're in a tough spot, but walking away when shes not well doesn't feel right 😕 while it's understandable that her actions have worn you down, leaving someone you once loved in such a situation raises some serious questions about responsibility; is there a way you could find some balance between taking care of yourself and supporting her in some form? it seems like an abandonment now and the guilt could be a sign that there is still a better way to handle things!!! people often underestimate the power of communication or compromise, maybe there's room for both healing and support in your story.
honestly, dude, bailing when she’s sick feels kinda harsh... ok, I get that you've been through a lot with the emotional stuff, but maybe you could’ve tried harder to address it together. she sounds like she's dealing with some serious health issues; couldn't you have found a way to support her without losing yourself in the process? emotional erosion or not, relationships sometimes need a lot of work, and the timing of your decision seems a bit cold. it's not just about saving yourself, ya know?
Man, I get that you needed to make a tough call, but isn't bailing when she's sick way too harsh? 💔 Like, I understand wanting to save yourself, but couldn't you have found a way to support each other? Guilt's gonna stick around if you don't face that. Relationships are a two-way street; it's not all on her; So, think on how you could actually be there—maybe that's step one; just saying!
honestly, I sympathize with your struggle, but bailing just feels kinda cold, ya know? 🙄 you talk about dignity and self-respect, but did you ever think about confronting the real issues head-on? seems like you were more focused on how you felt invisible rather than addressing things together; sure, emotional erosion is no joke, but walking out just leaves a mess behind. maybe the guilt sticks around because deep down you know there were better ways to handle it. I get it, life's not a movie, but man, sometimes you gotta stick it out and find a way to make it work, even when it's tough. how do you not see that pulling the plug so harshly only adds to the chaos?!!
man, I totally feel where you're coming from. sometimes you gotta choose yourself, even when it feels like you're being selfish. i've been through something similar, and it's like no matter what you do, there's guilt tagging along for the ride, you know? it's crazy how emotional erosion sneaks up until you're just a shell of who you used to be. ever consider if maybe staying would’ve been more damaging over time??? brushing off the condescending remarks and disrespect isn't easy, it kinda eats at you; if reaching out helps you, then why not give it a shot? could be a way to ease your mind a bit, but yeah, that guilt? it hangs on like a heavy cloud, doesn't it?
i genuinely empathize with your situation and wholeheartedly agree with your decision. "self-respect is the fruit of discipline" resonates deeply, as prioritizing one's own well-being in such challenging circumstances is undoubtedly a courageous step. although emotional erosion can be as debilitating as any physical ailment, it is crucial to recognize the necessity of preserving one's mental health. once, i found myself trapped in a toxic work environment where I felt invisible and disrespected, and stepping away was the only path to reclaiming myself. but I must admit, even with the justified choice of leaving, feelings of guilt and doubt can still linger. have you considered if extending support from a distance could offer some solace? sometimes offering a hand in a different capacity, like emotional support or logistical assistance, might help mitigate those lingering doubts. it appears you made a difficult yet admirable choice, prioritizing your mental health while still grappling with complex emotions. the path to self-preservation is often fraught with uncertainty yet ultimately essential.
I completely understand where you're coming from, and I agree with your decision to prioritize your well-being. It's clear that living with emotional erosion over time can be just as detrimental as any other kind of stress; "self-respect is the fruit of discipline," as you mentioned, and sometimes, self-discipline means knowing when to step away. Your description of feeling invisible and having your dignity chipped away resonates deeply, as many have faced similar situations where the accumulation of disrespect becomes unbearable. It's not an easy choice, and guilt can indeed linger, but prioritizing mental health is essential for avoiding a more profound identity crisis. While it might feel uncomfortable now, over time, validating your own needs and setting boundaries often leads to healthier dynamics for everyone involved. It's vital to remember that you made this difficult choice not out of malice but out of necessity for self-preservation.
i get that you're in a tough place, but man, leaving when she's sick feels pretty rough 😬 it's like you're prioritizing yourself without considering what she's going through; couldn't there have been a way to work it out or at least help her find stability first? sure, emotional neglect is no joke, and wanting to protect your dignity makes sense, but leaving her when she needs support seems kind of selfish. maybe there's more to it, but it's hard to ignore the impact of your choice. just seems like a harsh move when there might have been other options!?!