So, I'm currently in a long distance relationship since several years, and I'm also very happy with my partner. Aside from occasional small conflicts, which I imagine are part of any relationship, there aren't any things that make me unhappy. I love him and we have a very good chemistry, we talk transparently about any issue that comes up, and i can imagine staying with him in the long term. Overall I'd say I'm the happiest I have ever been in a relationship.

Although recently I got a message from my ex-girlfriend after 7 years of silence, which also happens to be my first partner ever, but our past is a bit more complicated. For context, we were an on-off couple, which honestly was because she broke up with me every time she found an issue in our relationship. And I absolutely see that those issues were caused on both sides. Both of us were immature at that time, since we were 17 and 19 when we got together, and with my knowledge from today this was probably her way of coping with problems, removing them from her life or running away instead of facing them. There also was family drama and mental health problems she was struggling with, which made it even harder to talk about issues with her. At some point we had a bigger argument and she blocked me and cut all ties for good, that's when the 7 year gap happened.

So much for the negatives, but we also had a lot of similarities in our personality and interests. I could talk with her like I could with no one else back then, and it often felt like the cliche of "having found a soulmate". I can't say if that was just the experience of being in love for the first time or not, and I certainly don't want to make comparisons with my new partner, since there has been too much time, changes of circumstances and personal development happening in between those two relationships.

So when she reached out to me I was very surprised at first, because I thought I would never hear from her again, and I also was fine with that. She basically said she wanted to find closure, apologized about her mistakes and behavior, and we had a bit of small-talk about our work and stuff. At first I thought "okay, I don't care about this person anymore, I'll accept her apology because I have good faith in everyone and I'm glad she reflected on her personality, so she deserves getting the closure she wants".

However I start to feel more and more unsure about my actual feelings. It's not that I feel in love, but there seems to be this kind of "fascination" (idk how else to put it) when seeing pictures of her, like seeing an old friend and wondering what they have been up to for the last 7 years, and you just want to hang out with them to hear all their stories. The things is that I had those same feelings of fascination when meeting her for the first time, and it's what later then turned into us being together.

This is on my mind all the time ever since we talked again, I'm having fantasies of meeting her again to catch up, and I can't tell if it's because I'm still processing it, or if it's because there might actually be feelings developing again. I'm also really happy for her to have made that step of reflecting on her mistakes, which is why just blocking her and moving on would kind of feel unfair towards her.

This is where things get a bit complicated. My current partner has insecurities when it comes to "being replaced", which I fully get and respect. He also knows we talked and didn't feel great about it, he says he respects my decisions but also made it clear that he feels uneasy with me talking to this person. For this reason I don't consider meeting up with her, or even continuing the conversation. I don't want to do anything that makes my partner feel bad or insecure.

However, I'm also a bit afraid that I might just have suppressed my feelings for her during the pause we had, and by her reaching out these feelings got unlocked again, and that's the reason I'm currently feeling those emotions I'm unsure about. It could also be that I simply feel memories of the feelings I had back then, and perhaps these memories will fade during the next weeks. My current partner doesn't know about these conflicted feelings I have, because I don't want to make him worried or even more insecure, but he knows that she reached out to me and we briefly talked.

So I know the logical solution to this would be "forget her and move on, you're happy with your current partner" or "find out which one you want to be with", but at this point I simply can't tell what those emotions are I have towards her. Friendship? Memories? Suppressed love? I simply don't know what I'm feeling, or how I should react in this situation. How do I find out what I'm actually feeling, and depending on what the result of that is, what is the "right" way to carry on? Maybe some of you have experienced something similar, or you just have an advice for me? Any comment is appreciated :)

Stories in the same category