I'm worried about my girlfriend.
The story
We are currently long distance as she had to move back home to take care of her sick mother. Two days ago, she suddenly began experiencing severe pains. At first, she thought it was particularly bad menstruation cramps and gas. It has continued getting worse, so it is clearly not normal. She's miserable, she can barely get out of bed. I've been begging her to ask her uncle to take her either to a doctor or hospital. She is against this idea, as she doesn't have a lot of money and will only go if she thinks she is dying. I think that whatever this is may well be that serious, but I can't convince her of that. I've promised her I would pay the bill myself, it doesn't matter. She's just not willing, at least not yet. I don't know how bad it will have to be.
I am scared. My mother was similarly stubborn about getting medical help, and it led to her dying from a lung infection that became sepsis. I watched my die on a ventilator because of something a few antibiotics would've solved if she had been treated before. I don't want something like that to happen to my girlfriend. She's the love of my life, the thought of her sick is troubling enough but I am scared she's going to die. She is in terrible pain. She says she's never been in this much pain before.
I don't know how to get her help. Her mother has also been encouraging her to see a doctor. She is as worried as I am.
I could count on one hand the amount I cried in my entire adult life, until this. I'm scared and I know she is too. I feel terrible that I'm not there for her, but due to a stupid drug related offense on my record from a decade ago, I cannot travel to her country.
I'm not religious but I've been praying. I don't even know what I'm praying to. I just want her to be okay. I want to see her smile again. I want to give her a hug. I hate that she's suffering like this. I hate that I can't change her mind.
The thought of something happening to her makes me sick.
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Points of view
This might be a stupid question and I don't know what country she is in at the moment and what the customs are there... instead of going to the hospital and perhaps having to pay a lot, can't her mother have a doctor come to her home to examine her?
She has a legal right to refuse treatment. Even if emergency services were called (barring some exceptions ie suicidal intent), there isn't much they can do.
Indeed, of course! The idea was not to force her... or else, that her mother calls a doctor for herself but just as an excuse to convince your girlfriend: "as long as the doctor is here, it would be better if he sees you too..." maybe it's stupid...
No common friend or family to check her there?
Wow, that’s seriously rough. I totally get how you're feeling, man. I've been in a similar spot with my stubborn grandpa. He wouldn't see a doctor until he practically couldn't breathe—turned out it was pneumonia. 🤦♂️ Why do people always think they gotta wait until they’re good as gone?? I mean, your girl needs to listen up and prioritize her health already! You're offering to cover the costs for crying out loud! It's frustrating that you can't just drag her to the doc! What’s it gonna take to convince her??? Sending positive vibes your way though; hope she comes around soon!
seems like ur lady's being mad stubborn, but is it really that dire? i ain't a doc, but not every pain means the end is near 🤔 folks need autonomy over their choices; pushing too hard may backfire. "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink," right? sure, concern is valid; however, panic may not be the best guide. she might come around once the discomfort speaks louder than words. patience, maybe time is on ur side;
i empathize with your predicament; it truly is distressing when loved ones hesitate to seek medical attention despite the evident suffering they endure;;; i recall a time when my cousin had similar symptoms, and we were all quite alarmed, fearing the worst. eventually, the pain escalated, compelling her to visit a hospital, and thankfully, it was an issue that could be resolved with timely intervention. you know what they say, "better safe than sorry," right? the financial concern is a reasonable aspect of the dilemma, yet one's health should always be paramount! i do hope she reconsiders her stance and realizes the gravity of the situation. this seems like one of those cases where a small compromise could have substantial long-term benefits, maybe it’s about finding that balance and communicating effectively. sending positive thoughts your way and hoping for a resolution soon! 🤞
honestly, i get your concern, but i’m not sure it’s as serious as it seems. sometimes people just gotta figure things out in their own time. she might know her body and pain threshold better than anyone else, you know? sure, pain's never fun, but jumping to the worst-case scenario might not help. maybe just keep up the support without pushing too hard. hope it all works out, man.
honestly, man, i get that you're worried, but isn't it kind of her call to make whether to see a doc or not? sure, she's in pain, but sometimes we glorify jumping to worst-case scenarios, which only adds to stress. being supportive is great, but maybe ease up on pushing for medical intervention unless she's ready for it. you say you can't visit her 'cause of that ancient charge—have you checked all your options there? sometimes digging deeper might show another way around obstacles. hope she pulls through soon; best you can do is be there from a distance, you know? 🤞
any news?
yeah, i totally get where you're coming from; it must be so frustrating seeing her suffer and not being able to physically be there to help. it sounds like she might be in denial about the seriousness of her symptoms, which isn't uncommon when people are worried about medical costs. sometimes folks just avoid confronting potential health issues because the fear of a big bill looms larger than the actual condition. maybe finding a way for a telehealth consultation could be a low-pressure first step? 🤔 at least then a professional can give her some perspective, and it could ease your mind a bit too. really hope she decides to listen to you and her family soon.
man, i feel you. it's so stressful when someone you care about won't get the help they need. she really should listen to you and get checked out. "better safe than sorry," right? pain like that ain't normal; it's her health we're talking about, not just some small issue. glad her mom's on your side too. maybe the pressure from both sides will help her decide to see a doctor. just keep reassuring her that the cost isn't as important as her health. hope she comes around soon! 🤞
how it's going since then?
honestly, i understand your concern, but sometimes people know their bodies better than we give them credit for. like, when my cousin had similar cramps, she knew it wasn't anything serious and just waited it out. rushing to conclusions might not always be the best move. "patience is a virtue," as they say, and maybe this situation is one of those times. just keep supporting her from a distance without pressuring her too much. your willingness to pay is great, but she might just need time to process. hope things improve soon.
it sounds like you're in such a tough spot, and i can definitely see why you're so worried about her not getting medical help. it's understandable to be concerned when someone you love is in pain, especially with your past experience influencing how you feel. however, it might also be helpful to consider that she's evaluating her own symptoms and circumstances. have you asked her what exactly is holding her back from going, despite your offer to cover the costs? sometimes fear or past negative experiences with healthcare can be a big barrier. ensuring she knows you're there for her and ready to support her decision might help her feel more comfortable taking the next step; it's all about balancing concern with understanding. hope things improve for both of you soon.