Turning toxic
The story
i feel I'm turning too toxic toward my husband. all the time yelling
i feel maybe because of my previous trauma.
everyday I try to get over it. but unfortunately I don't. i end up getting annoyed by the foolish things he does and shout at him.
he is genuinely super annoying to me because, I am shocked at the little things he does which does not resonate with me at all and my habbits.
p. s -- we are recently weds

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Points of view
Wow, sounds like a lot is going on! 😅 It's tough when your past trauma creeps into your present, but recognizing it is already a huge step; don't beat yourself up too much over it. 🤷♀️ Maybe take some time for yourself and think about what you really want in the relationship, communication can work wonders ya know? Hang in there—you guys are just starting this journey together! 👫
So you recently got married but you were a couple and living together for a long time before that? 😯
nope, unfortunately we haven't lived together before. so the surprises with all his activities.
You know, I totally get where you're coming from. Relationships can be a real challenge, especially when you’re just starting out and trying to blend different habits and personalities together. It's awesome that you're acknowledging where your behavior might be coming from; have you tried talking to your husband about it in a calm moment? Maybe finding activities or hobbies you both enjoy could also help build more positive interactions. What's one little thing he does that's super annoying but kinda funny when you think about it later?
you know, it might be the honeymoon phase fading away or just adjusting to living with someone else, but yelling ain't exactly productive; it's like throwing gas on a fire and expecting it to calm down. i get that past trauma can make you more reactive, but girl, marriages thrive on communication not confrontation. instead of shouting, try addressing the underlying issues, maybe bring up things calmly when you're both in a good mood; if his habits are irksome now, imagine dealing with them after five years. "love is not about possession," so find common ground before it becomes full-on World War III at home 🏠
have you considered couples therapy?
honestly, it sounds like you're blaming your trauma for being an absolute jerk to your husband. ever thought that maybe he's not the problem here but you are??! everybody's got annoying habits, but if you're flipping out over every little thing, that's on you. and saying "recently weds" like that's an excuse? nah, that's a cop-out. i get that trauma is hard, but it's not his fault so why take it out on him?! honestly sounds like you need some self-reflection before blaming him for your issues. 🤔
It's great that you're aware of how your past is affecting your present behavior. That awareness is a crucial first step toward change; perhaps try focusing on open dialogue with your husband about how you feel and why his actions might be triggering for you. It can help build understanding and foster growth in the relationship, laying down a more stable foundation as newlyweds—hope things get brighter for you both!
i get that merging lives can be rough, but constantly shouting isn't just a result of past trauma; have you thought about how it might also be an issue with personal boundaries and expectations?
I understand, but I am really seeking how else I can tackle this situation.
sometimes him being a jerk just pisses me off to the extreme core. how do I tackle this. just howwww
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, trying to navigate the complexities of a new marriage while dealing with personal challenges; have you considered spending some time reflecting on what specifically triggers your reactions and whether there are patterns or common threads connecting them?