I wish there was a break-up choice!
The story
Written as letter to Ex.
Ex.,
I want to know why you treated me the way you do when you said you love me?
Why did you feel the need to play Hot & Cold?
All I asked for was for you to talk to me. Yet 3 days of no contact on the bases of an "I've been busy with work".
When you wouldn't text me at least once a day, I felt like I wasn't loved. I shared with you that my love language is words of affirmation. Yet you couldn't fulfill that role.
I asked you to break up with me. I broke up with you many times. Yet you always managed to bring me back in. It's my fault in the end. I came back of my own free will. I regret those choices.
I regret letting your pouting sway my decisions. Whenever I wouldn't give you adult touches, you'd pout in a corner... And like the weak person I was, I came back to "help" with that.
We're done, yet I still claim to have loved you. Did I love you? I honestly don't know. I definitely felt forced into loving you.
The live bombing wasn't great either whenever we went through a difficult time.
I moved outta state, while you were stuck in the state I left. Unable to come with me due to your restraints. I understand that. I texted you shorter texts because longer texts didn't seem to be ready. Then I only texted once per day, hoping you'd at least read and respond to me.
At some point you mentioned leaving this world, I sobbed. And I stayed.
Being in another state made me realize that this wasn't love. You did not love me.
In the beginning of our relationship we shared what we think love is. You said that love is putting another's needs before your own. Taking care of them. That was the only description you gave me.
My description of love was so long, but you didn't think that was real love. I wanted someone who would talk to me, cuddle with me without any further adult touches. I wanted someone would would be able to hold out doing all the way until my 4 month comfort limit. You took my V-card and I was happy in the moment, but after... I honestly felt sad... Like it was a goodbye thing.
I'm 23 forking year old, and always imagined my 1st time being with someone who truly cared about my boundaries and what I believe in.
Your compromises were that you'd choose were we lived. That's fine. And you compromised about us getting a cat. That's fine. But you'd use that against me whenever I asked for something that you didn't wanna do. The only thing that I specifically asked for is someone who shares their feelings, thoughts and opinions, as well as listening to mine. I also asked that intimacy be limited. And I should've known that it wouldn't work out when you said on our first date that your love language was physical touch. And I said to you that my least favorite love language was acts of service, yet that was your second favorite. I guess I was desperate to be loved. And I'll not make that mistake again. I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I'll never date or be loved the way that I wish to be. Reality isn't a movie. And movies aren't reality. Yet, I've seen with my own two eyes that it can be through my close friend. Her life has had bumps in the road, but I see how much her love loves her... The way he looks at her and holds her. The way that he supports her in all her endeavors. And her book is also an inspiration. She's the one who helped me out of my past relationship cause she went through the same thing before.
People may say that I'm heartless for not giving my ex a chance. Well, the only chance he ever wanted to show me that he loved me was in-person. And I'd spend most of my time where I am now. So, I could not continue the relationship... Ended with cold turkey. Blocked and deleted. Again, some might say that's harsh and some might say, you were with him for only a few months... Give it time. But I've already lost so many years, and built up so many regrets.
I'm tired. I know love it out there. But the only love I'll ever truly see is through my bestie, books, and movies. And I'm honestly very happy for those who find their true loves, or loves that make you happy in the moment. I also may be jealous, but that is honestly a healthy emotion... In my opinion. Just as long as it doesn't control your life. Which I'm working on.
Goodnight everyone!!!
From, Me.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Not sure I understand 100% but I think!
In my own experience, I have also encountered the difficulty of recognizing when a relationship no longer serves personal growth or happiness. While your decision to end the relationship might seem harsh to some, it is vital to prioritize one's emotional well-being and to establish clear boundaries.
Your story provides valuable insight into the necessity of self-awareness and the courage required to seek what truly resonates with one's core values. It is commendable that you are taking steps toward a future defined by authentic and reciprocal love. 😊
No worries... My thing was more of a rant based of feeling and emotions. And usually those are bias... Which I'm aware of. So, no need to worry about understanding this at 100%.
Personal growth is indeed very important... One I honestly felt like I'd never get... But thanks to family... And a very supportive friendo back home... I'm working on myself. And I'm glad I am. Even though life... At the moment... Is moving at a snails pace for me🐌.
I definitely tried to make it work... And so did he. I'm definitely proud that he at least tried. But in the end we both needed different things that we couldn't give each other.
I do regret a lot of it though. As my choices were very naive. Coming from someone who hasn't been in a proper relationship since Freshman year of HS, I sorta jumped into the deep end with the man🫠. At least I knew that we had good physical chemistry... Just not on an emotional level or on a level that would help each of us grow. I'd say he was indeed in it emotionally, and so was I... But our expressions of emotion didn't match up.
I do hope, that once I find out who I am, and what I want... I'll maybe find someone who truly cares for me the way that I want to be cared for... As well as someone who I can care for equally and at the same level of communication🥹🙏🏻✨!!
Thanks for your understanding🙇🏻♀️!
reading your story, it seems like you're putting a lot of blame on your ex for the relationship issues... :) it's important to remember that "it takes two to tango"... isnt'it?! maybe reflecting on your own role could be helpful too!!? not everyone has the same love language, and that mismatch doesn't always mean a relationship can't work. my advice would be to stay hopeful and open-minded because love often surprises us when we least expect it. though it might have been tough, every relationship teaches us something invaluable. in the words of a wise person, "every ending is a new beginning"...
I did share my own wrong doings via the stuff I shared. And yes, I did mention that our love languages didn't match. And I am indeed aware that love languages don't dictate how a relationship should start, continue, or end. My main point was me feeling like I wasn't getting anything outta the relationship that I knew that I needed. And I was aware that I couldn't give him what he needed as I lived in a different state. I followed the advice of my friendo who also went through a long distance relationship. But everything I tried didn't work. I tried calling during time he said he was free. But didn't answer. I tried texting and voice messaging. No answer. If there was an answer, they were short and difficult for me to fully understand the nuances of what he was trying to convey. Again, I'm aware of my own faults, and I've shared them. I am aware that I went back many times, when I knew I shouldn't. I'm aware that I should have been honest with myself and with him. I'm aware that I willingly partook in what he wanted. But at the end of the day, I didn't see myself being with someone who only seemed to want to be with me in-person. And I shared that I was desperate for love, which is honestly not a good foundation for any relationship... Let alone romantic. And he was honestly my 1st REAL boyfriend/romantic relationship. The one I had before him was my freshman year of HS. And I honestly was very naive. And I'm aware that I wasn't ready for a relationship. And I'm aware NOW that I should've been more firm with my boundaries. But I didn't know. I couldn't exactly go to my mom, cause she already didn't like my dude... His mom didn't like me. My family met him. They didn't particularly like him, but they knew that it was my decision whether or not the be with him. And I genuinely... At the time... Thought I loved the man. But it's this thing called consent. Consent without manipulation. And once I broke up, I felt guilty, and manipulated into doing things or saying things that before would've been against everything I believed. All because I was desperate for attention. I honestly am just trying to find out who I am. I don't even know who I am, what I like, what my major, my job, my interests are. I don't even know any basic life skills like driving a car or riding a bike. Never have I had a job nor have a made any new friends since elementary school. I'm sorta a blank canvas right now. What I thought I wanted wasn't what I wanted for my future. So, even if we continued to try to be together... I know for my own sanity... I couldn't... On my part... Give my all to a partner, when I'm just starting to be a human... And not a potato.
And again, I understand that it came off as it was all his fault... But I definitely don't deny that we both had a part to play. And I'm sure he's just as upset as me about the break-up, maybe more, maybe less... I don't know? But right now, I need to focus on me. And before I left him, I left him a sting of messages both voice and texts of all the reasons why I had to go. Both from his perspective and mine.
I do wish him all the best. And I do hope that he takes care of his kiddo and a half from previous relationships. And I hope that he stays safe, and eats good food and drinks lots of water. And I genuinely mean that!