My friend says he assaulted me
The story
i’m a high school senior and i’m dating a guy younger than me. he’s had one other girlfriend and people have told me they hooked up but we’ve never talked about it. ive had other boyfriends but i never had sex with them, though i have been assaulted outside of a relationship. i alluded to this when he asked if i was a virgin - prior to this event happening. we were talking for around two months and basically dating already when he was over at my house for the second time. we were watching a movie and making out, it was going fine. we had kissed before but not much more than that. he whispered in my ear “would it be so bad?” and i didn’t know what to say. i asked him what he meant but i knew, i told him it was too soon and gave the excuse that he’s too young (im a year and a half older). he told me no one would know and said he was consenting, but i just told him i didn’t know if it was a good idea. his hands made it into my pants and i asked if he was a virgin but then he paused and made an odd face before shaking his head. i went back to watching the movie but he asked a few more times. i just went silent because i didn’t know what to do. i kissed him and turned back around, the first time he came to my house he did the same thing to the point i took him home because i was upset. when he asked if the kiss meant a yes i didn’t say anything but then he pulled my pants down. i didn’t say anything because i just froze up and my heart was racing and i was scared but idk. he put it in and asked if it hurt and i didn’t respond even though it did. at one point i must have been so freaked out that he got scared too and pulled out, i think i was reliving something but this was a while ago. i felt a lot of emotions but i couldn’t or wouldn’t i guess say anything. i forgot what happened but he went to the bathroom and came back and i felt very conflicted. he noticed something was up and kept asking me what was wrong until i hugged him because i didn’t know what was wrong. i drove him home but after dropping him off i cried all the way home and sat in my driveway. i thought a lot about it for the next few days and i felt extremely conflicted, i cant even put a name to the emotions i was feeling. i told my best friend a week later thinking it would be fun gossip or something but i also felt like i needed to tell someone and she was disgusted. i started crying and she told me that it wasn’t okay but i wasn’t mad at him. he’s been through a lot so i feel very bad for him sometimes and he’s younger so he doesn’t know a lot and i couldn’t bring myself to agree with her about him assaulting me. the next few times he was over he kept asking and i said no, i texted him about a month later explaining how i was assaulted and i didn’t like that he was pressuring me when i already said no. he apologized a lot and it hasn’t happened since. we’ve been officially dating a couple months now and we’ve hooked up more, but i kind of feel like it hasn’t happened again because i haven’t said no again. i’ve talked to a few more of my friends about it and they all look sad and tell me it’s not okay. i just love him a lot and he’s very very sweet to me so it just doesn’t feel like assault. i don’t feel any kind of way about it right now but a while ago my best friend brought it up again and i had a meltdown so maybe im just blocking it out. she hates him and refuses to be around him over this. i haven’t considered breaking up with him over it and i haven’t voiced any of this to him, i just wanted to see what people thought.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it's important to recognize that consent must be clear and ongoing in any relationship, and feeling pressured or scared into something you aren't ready for isn't okay regardless of the circumstances.
it's definitely a sticky situation, and i get that you're trying to figure things out. but it's crucial to listen to your intuition; if something felt wrong or made you uncomfortable, it's worth examining why. my cousin went through a similar situation and she found it helpful to talk to someone who wasn't directly involved - like a counselor or therapist - because they can offer a clearer perspective without being emotionally invested. it's important not just for your relationship with him, but also for your own peace of mind; don't forget about yourself in all this!
Hey, that sounds like a really tough situation and I'm sorry you're going through this. It's great that you communicated your feelings to him about being pressured; that's a big step. A friend of mine once told me how hard it was for her to separate her love for someone from the way they made her feel in difficult situations. Sometimes our emotions cloud our ability to see things clearly, especially when we care deeply about someone who's also had struggles. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own well-being and take time for yourself if you need it. Relationships can be complicated but your feelings are always valid—even if they're complex or hard to pin down exactly.
It's important to recognize that your feelings are valid, and the fact that you're questioning what happened indicates there's something significant to unpack; it's a lot like how Shakespeare said, "the better part of valour is discretion," meaning sometimes we need to take a step back to understand our emotions. While you're understandably conflicted about labeling it as assault due to your feelings for him and his past challenges, consent must be clear, ongoing, and enthusiastic. Your description suggests there were moments when you didn't give explicit consent or felt pressured; is it possible that these experiences have influenced how you're processing this relationship? It's great that you've talked to friends and sought their perspectives—having strong support can help you navigate these complex emotions. Perhaps reflecting on whether this relationship provides the mutual respect and understanding you deserve could provide further clarity on your feelings.
i must acknowledge the complexity here but respectfully, it seems like you're rationalizing his behavior which is detrimental in the long run. 🤷♂️ exploring your emotions and understanding this situation might illicit insight into whether or not you're genuinely satisfied in this relationship. besides, maintaining a dialogue with him about boundaries could foster an environment of mutual respect and understanding.💬
hey, it sounds like you're in a really complicated situation and it's understandable to feel conflicted and unsure about everything that's happened. one thing i'm curious about though—do you think this experience might be affecting how you view other aspects of your relationship? 🧐 sometimes it's hard to separate past events from the present; getting some distance or an outside opinion could help clear things up. hope you're taking care of yourself during all this!
seems like you're deep into an emotional whirlwind, but it's essential to focus on the facts rather than feelings. what you described is a breach of boundaries and it’s not something to casually brush off even if he's sweet otherwise. relationships should be built on mutual respect and understanding, not manipulation or coercion. take some time to truly assess whether this relationship aligns with your values and needs, both now and for the future.
i hear what you're saying and i can't help but feel a bit skeptical about the way things unfolded. it's commendable that you reached out to friends for support, but from experience, i've noticed that sometimes we unintentionally downplay our own discomfort because we're worried about the other person's feelings 😕; that's something i used to do all the time in past relationships. "the heart is deceitful above all things," as they say, and love can make us overlook things that shouldn't be ignored. age difference might seem minor now but maturity levels play a big role in understanding boundaries. it feels like there’s more going on under the surface and exploring those emotions with someone outside your circle could offer some clarity 🌱
reading your story, it sounds like you're in a bit of a predicament, caught between your feelings for him and the uncomfortable situations you've found yourself in; you deserve to feel safe and respected in any relationship. it's important to remember that love doesn't excuse crossing boundaries or making you feel uncomfortable; think about how this dynamic is affecting your mental well-being because unresolved issues can weigh heavily over time. my friend went through something similar where love clouded her judgment until she took a step back and realized how much pressure she was putting herself under. talk to someone who's got no skin in the game – they might provide insights that could help you untangle those complex emotions 🌼