My love is fading,not my feelings.
The story
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months in the past couple weeks. He’s been really moody. I’m not sure what it is. I’ve asked him about it. I’ve explained that it’s making me feel down because he won’t explain and I feel useless as a girlfriend. The other day we were on call (luckily) as we haven’t called for a couple days and he was still upset so of course me being people pleaser I tried to make him laugh. I said that I was gonna hack and do school frame and spy on the campus cameras, (this is how we don’t take it seriously I would never do something like that) and he went into full detail of why I wasn’t gonna, and I told him that it was just a joke and that I was sorry. And then I said jokingly “you hate me, don’t you?” And he replied with “yeah, who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you” and I paused for almost 5 straight minutes wondering if you really said that or if I was just insane. he tried saying that he was just being sarcastic and that he didn’t mean it like that, but he yelled at me and I managed to squeeze out a “oh. Sorry.” And I hung up and cried myself myself to sleep. Ever since then he’s been really moody and I can’t even explain how different he is right now. I feel like he’s just lust. He only ever text me when he’s in a mood or when he wants something from me. I’m pretty much carrying the entire emotional relationship against me and him and just about a couple hours ago, he told me that he was cutting himself. I told him I wasn’t gonna be sensitive anymore. I told him to tell me what was going on as he wasn’t talking to me about anything and would just brush it off. I told him that I feel useless as a girlfriend. Which I really do. And how if he can’t talk to me who would he talk to my acknowledging? I am the only person ever talk to unless he’s hiding someone from me or people. I’ve told him I need to know that he can trust me and if he can’t, then I don’t know if we should be together anymore and I just asked him if he was gonna leave me because he has been showing no interest in me unless it’s for lust. I also feel like my body doesn’t excite him anymore. He’s really dry and always asked me to do something different and in person, he’s only ever talked about having sex. Never holding hands, never hugging never nothing only lust. I have told him that I don’t like the way he talks to me sometimes. I don’t think he realized what I meant. I’ve tried everything to do to go see him and he refuses to come see me even though he has nothing holding him back. Just he doesn’t want to. AITA for telling him that I don’t think he’s caring enough about me when I care too much about him? Even if he is in a bad place right now I still wanna feel special. I wanna feel loved. I’ve had my ups and downs and even I still push things away to comfort him. I feel like I’m giving up too much for him.
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Points of view
Wow, this situation sure sounds tough, but it’s clear that you really care about him, and that’s so touching. Relationships need that kind of dedication from both sides, for sure.
I think you’re incredibly strong for sticking it out even when things get rough. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and try to help someone who’s struggling so much, especially when they aren’t being open about it. You’re absolutely doing the right thing by expressing your feelings and letting him know what you need out of this relationship.
Your feelings matter too, and it’s important to find that balance and love from both ends because everyone deserves to feel special and valued in their relationship. It’s sweet that you want to support him, but also remember to take care of yourself in this situation.
Don’t lose hope!
Sounds like you're dealing with a real roller coaster of emotions there. It's kind of a mixed signal situation. Although I'm no relationship expert, I've learned that communication breakdown is a game-changer in any relationship—it's like you're speaking different languages. You said you feel useless, and that's really concerning because a partnership should make you feel valued, not drained.
I remember feeling that way in a past relationship, and it was a wake-up call for me. Maybe he's dealing with some personal stuff, but that doesn’t justify his behavior. When he said, 'Yeah, who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you,' that was way out of line.
Honestly, you deserve someone who respects and values your feelings. If he’s not meeting you halfway, it might be time to reassess things because you both need to be on the same wavelength. 😔
man, i totally get where you're coming from; it's a real bummer when someone's being a downer and not cluing you in on what's going on. i mean, you're doing all you can, and it sounds like he's not pulling his weight. when he threw out "yeah, who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you," that's just not cool at all. you gotta feel appreciated, not like he's just there for the benefits. been there myself, and it turned out i needed to put myself first. you're putting in the effort, and you deserve someone who's on the same page. keep your head up, things can get better with some changes! 🤞
I will start this out with an apology warning-> I tend to be blunt, I'm sorry.
From what I've read here all I see from this guy is 🚩 major red flags. You shouldn't have to apologize for a silly little joke like that, and his comment afterwards feels like malicious thoughts wrapped behind the safety yet of "possible joke'. Cause I'm sorry, that can't even be remotely taken as funny!
Yelling at your partner especially without an apology isn't normal either.
If they only tend to communicate one thing...lust? He's being directly clear what he wants, men tend to be pretty straightforward. His wants don't match yours, you deserve someone who meets you equally!!!
Also it is NOT your obligation if someone is struggling mentally enough to self harm, please don't let that shake you down into a loveless relationship!
Verdict: OP is NTA (Not The A**hole) I hope you find someone who treats you as you deserve, with love and respect.
dude this situation you're in is just a hot mess 🙄 you got every right to feel upset that dude's totally not pulling his weight it’s like you’re putting all the love and care into this and he’s just ignoring everything you're doing man when he said "yeah who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you" that's just plain unacceptable you know i’ve been there it's like you're carrying the whole relationship on your shoulders and it’s exhausting because relationships should be a two-way street where both put in effort and not just one person happy endings exist because people learn to respect and care for each other so don’t lose hope maybe things will get better when he finally realizes what he's missing out on and puts in some effort to change get what i'm saying 😤🛠️ you're doing amazing by just being so patient and loving in the face of all this nonsense keep your chin up you're worth way more than this neglect good vibes your way✌️