Is this what romance is supposed to be?
The story
I've been in a relationship for several years now.
At the start, everything felt loving, and the honeymoon phase was wonderful. My partner was always very vocal about how much they cared for me, and each day I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about what we would do next. Trips to the park, to the movies. Anywhere was a delight, as long as they were with me.
Still, we both had our flaws. Mine, I felt, were detrimental to the relationship.
I decided to seek therapy to work on myself.
Recently, both of us have been going through difficult patches in our lives. Although I tried not to burden them, I eventually allowed myself to lean on them for support. They lashed out in response. I didn’t know what was going on in their life because they hadn’t shared it with me. Once they told me they were hurting, I realized their harsh words came from a place of pain. While it wasn’t okay for them to take it out on me, I understood that something in their life must be very wrong for them to react that way.
I wanted to sit down with them and have an open conversation about it, but it’s been difficult. Every day, my partner curses at me, makes me feel like I need to progress faster in therapy, and shuts down the conversation before I get a chance to speak. They still refuse to admit they've done anything hurtful, let alone wrong. I want to be here for them, but I don't know if I can keep being their emotional punching bag. I’ve been waking up in tears every day, and now I’m genuinely scared to be around them.
I keep hoping that today will be the day they hear the sharpness in their words while they speak, take a step back, and apologize for how they've been treating me. But it hasn't happened yet.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
yo, I've been in the same boat!!!! guess what, relationships ain't always rainbows and sunshine, you know??!! sounds like you’re carrying all the emotional labor here... for real, therapy's great but it's not some "quick-fix magic spell"??!!! I mean, progress takes time, it’s not a race dude!!! maybe your partner needs a wake-up call or something???!!! gotta stand your ground, "you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take", right???!! but seriously, if they're not ready to face their own issues, that’s their problem, not yours!!! remember what they say, "you do YOU"!!!! keep your head up and don't let anyone dim your sparkle!!✨
Thank you. It's been difficult with him lately. He’s dealing with his own set of issues, and from what he's shared, his job has been really overwhelming recently. I try to be understanding, and I also want to avoid another argument, but it’s been challenging with how closed off he is right now. I wish I could be heard, too.
totally get where you're coming from, and I agree with your perspective. it sounds like you're at a crossroads in this relationship; both parties should practice emotional intelligence and self-awareness. the communication breakdown and emotional dysregulation are concerning. therapy can help, but it takes time. it's crucial for both of you to engage in active listening. hope things turn around for the better soon.
I’ve been doing my best to be an active listener where I can. From what he’s shared prior to this incident, his previous partner was emotionally abusive, so I’ve been doing my best to show him that I can be a safe space for him. I’ve learned a lot, including how complicated the social dynamics at his job are. Recently, his boss has been coming down on him for similar communication issues. I think that's what has given him such a short fuse now.
Having said that...
It feels like a constant stream of criticism about what I’m doing wrong. He hasn’t even given me the chance to express how it makes me feel. My partner is a good man, but it’s getting harder to keep pretending that everything is okay for his sake. I’m concerned that he's so overwhelmed by his own life that he doesn’t see how his words affect others anymore.
I appreciate your willingness to share such a personal experience, and I sense your deep emotional investment in this relationship. However, I must express a slight disagreement with your perspective. Relationships, as complex systems, often require both parties to take accountability for their roles. In my experience, communication and mutual responsibility are fundamental. It seems there might be a need for a balanced dialogue where both involved can express their emotions and concerns; perhaps exploring this could lead to a more constructive path forward. Your hopefulness is a vital component that can drive positive change, and I believe that with mutual effort, the possibility of reconciliation remains strong.