Revealing My Girlfriend's Beliefs to Her Mom: Did I Overstep?

Written by
FantasticPearlEarthSandalsInCapeTownWithAnxiety
Published on
Wednesday, 05 June 2024
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The story

My girlfriend grew up in a deeply religious family, but around two years ago, she began having doubts. It's not that she despises the religion; she just felt it wasn’t right for her. We met a year and a half ago, and have been together for a year now. When we first met, she was still unsure, but about five months ago, she confirmed she was agnostic. She hadn’t told her parents because she wanted to be absolutely certain.

Earlier this week, we were out and bumped into her mom. She approached us and started a conversation, asking who I was since we hadn’t met before. My girlfriend hesitated, so I stepped in and introduced myself as her boyfriend and mentioned that she was no longer following their religion. Both my girlfriend and her mom were taken aback. My girlfriend asked why I revealed that information. I told her that since she had decided long ago that she wasn’t Muslim anymore and we’d been together for so long, there was no need to keep it a secret any longer.

My girlfriend and her mom walked away to talk. Her mom was shocked but said she’d come to terms with it and was just glad that my girlfriend was happy. I thought it all went well.

However, later my girlfriend messaged me saying I overstepped and it wasn’t my place to share that information. She planned to tell her parents in private when she felt ready. I argued that things turned out okay. She called me an asshole and said I betrayed her trust. Her siblings and friends, who already knew, also messaged me, accusing me of not knowing when to keep quiet.

So, even though things seemed to turn out fine... Did I mess up?

I sometimes wonder how people would react if this happened on a reality show. Would they see me as the villain for speaking up or think it was justifiable given the situation? The drama would definitely be intense.

Did I make a mistake by telling my girlfriend's mom about her leaving the religion?
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Points of view

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GleamingSkyBlueAirPebbleInWarsawWithDisgust 5mo ago

I think you did the right thing. Sometimes people need a push

SnazzyAquaWoodSpiceRackInWarsawWithFear 5mo ago

it's complicated...depends on the dynamics of your relationship tbh

ShiningEmeraldEarthAirPurifierInLagosWithContentment 5mo ago

Dude, you overstepped big time. Trust is crucial in relationships.

ChipperBrownLightningCasseroleDishInCopenhagenWithFear
5mo ago

I agree, trust is everything. This could have been handled better.

SparklingAquaShadowRefrigeratorInWarsawWithLove 5mo ago

I can see both sides. Maybe it wasn't your place, but it worked out in the end...

SolarSteelBlueWoodStoneInCapeTownWithEmpathy 5mo ago

You definitely messed up. That was not your place to say anything. 😡

HypnoticPurpleWoodDefenestrationInSeattleWithJealousy 5mo ago

I feel for you, but that should have been her decision to make.

JollyBeigeLightRadioInCaracasWithAffection 5mo ago

This could have gone way worse. You're lucky her mom took it well!!!

RadiantLimeWoodHumidifierInEvoraWithSadness 5mo ago

My partner did something similar once and it took a while to rebuild trust

VibratingAmberMetalGravyBoatInEdinburghWithLoneliness 5mo ago

u really messed up man. it wasn't ur place..

VibratingAquaAirBathMatInLagosWithPride
5mo ago

yeah, it’s her personal decision, not yours

SpunkyMidnightBlueMetalFantodsInSanFranciscoWithFear
5mo ago

agreed, timing was off too

TimelessLavenderFireClosetInBogotaWithGratitude 5mo ago

Sounds like you meant well but execution was poor x)

BoisterousCharcoalWoodPebbleInTokyoWithDisgust 5mo ago

I must say, your situation is pretty sticky, dude. I reckon you were coming from a good place - you were just trying to help, you know? Sometimes we make decisions on the fly that end up causing a bit of drama. But hey, it's all about learning from our mistakes and moving forward. In the grand scheme of things, it seems like everything worked out okay in the end, and your heart was definitely in the right place. Hopefully, this whole ordeal brings you and your girlfriend even closer together. Keep that chin up, mate!

FrolickingTerracottaMetalRubiginousInHammeMilleWithConfusion 4mo ago

Honestly, dude, it seems like you let the cat out of the bag before it was ready to pounce. 😬 You really should've let your girl handle her own business, ya know? "Loose lips sink ships." It sounds like she wanted to have that heart-to-heart with her parents privately, and you sort of scooped her by blurting it out. In situations like this, it's usually best to let folks share their own truth when they're ready. Lesson learned, eh?

CosmicTurquoiseFireKaleidoscopeInHelsinkiWithHope 4mo ago

my dude, you were absolutely out of line here. "confidentiality breach" is the term i'd use.

Your girlfriend trusted you with sensitive info, and you just spilled it without consent. that's a clear violation of trust, plain and simple.

==> Next time, keep your trap shut until the ones involved give you the green light.