Finally Time to Let Go...whether I want to or not

Written by
DivineLemonLightningNapkinInHongKongWithEnvy
Published on
Tuesday, 21 January 2025
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The story

It's hard to know where to begin, so I'm just going to start talking. I was dating a guy for over an hour and a half when he suddenly broke up with me out of the blue (OVER TEXt!!) Then, he ghosted me. I tried getting him to talk to me. I texted and I called, but no response. Until finally a week later he asked if I would be willing to meet. In short, we talked it through and decided to try again.

We were good again for a few weeks, and then we got into a fight. He lied to me but didn't think he did, and he got mad at me for being upset. (He was always getting upset with me for being upset, which was really crappy.) We talked this through, and before I went home that night, he said we were good. I really thought we were. It was just a rough moment, and I thought we had worked through it. Apparently, I was wrong.

He wouldn't respond to my texts for days, and when I called him a couple of days later after a bad day at work, he ignored the call, then a while later texted to say "I'm not ready to talk yet". I didn't even know that we weren't talking or that he needed space. He didn't tell me, and in hindsight, his lack of communication was always a sore spot for us. Probably another week went by before I finally got him to talk to me. I had a family emergency where my sister ended up in the hospital, and I texted him twice practically begging him to be there for me before he finally called. He came to the hospital, and he was reluctant to talk to me about what was going on, but he finally did. He finally said that he didn't want to be with me. He said that we could take a break and some time apart to try to work this out. He even suggested that we could still talk and even hang out every once in a while but that this would take some time.

I agreed to this because I didn't want to lose him. But he didn't keep to any of this.

I gave him space, rarely texted him, which all went unanswered. Every once in a while (like every couple of weeks) he would answer a phone call, and we would talk for hours about how we've been and it would go really well. Each time we made plans to meet up, but he also ended up canceling each time. This happened three separate times over the past 3 months.... and I fell for it every time.

He kept stringing me along, and I let him. He hasn't responded to any of my texts or attempted phone calls since the last attempt to get together. And I stopped trying. It's been nearly a month since the last time I attempted to reach out to him, and it still hurts so much more than I would like to admit. I know it's over between us, but I think the hardest part is that there was never an official breakup. We never got an official ending, so I think there is still a part of me that hopes he will eventually reach out to me, and we'll find a way to work through this.

I don't even really want to get back with him anymore, but I still miss him dearly. It's hard, and I feel so alone.

I hate that he did this. I hate that he treated me like this and that I let him. I hate that I still miss him.

There is so much more that I could write, but I'm not sure if anyone will actually read this.

I just hope to hear people's thoughts about this. I don't have anyone I can talk to about the breakup, so I have nowhere else to turn to and really want to get to the point where I can move on. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.




Points of view

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CosmicKhakiFireMuffinPanInViennaWithJealousy 1mo ago

Hey, look, I gotta be honest, your story sounds like a script from a soap opera. What a mess, seriously.... First things first, this guy wasn't worth even half the emotional bandwidth you gave. Stop being an emotional ATM, always handing out goodwill when he gave nothing back. Man, that's some toxic relationship dynamics if I ever saw them!


Keep your communication channels open, but not for clowns, only for the real MVPs, the 'ride or dies' Like Kenny Rogers said, 'You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em', though this isn't a concert I know...


Sounds harsh, but I've been there. I gave my energy to someone who was practically a ghost until I realized my self-esteem was more important than some ghosting artist. Next time, apply a critical path method to your relationships. Streamline for efficiency and emotional ROI.


Remember, every project's closure phase is key. Sometimes, an official breakup is that final milestone you need for closure. But hey, water under the bridge. You got this. Don't dwell on past deliverables. Focus on new strategic goals. Keep your chin up and bounce back stronger than ever. 💪

RoyalTealEarthShampooInCapeTownWithAnger
1mo ago

I see where you're coming from, but I gotta say, this kind of response seems a bit harsh!!! 😐 While you make some valid points, it's not really fair to just chalk it up to being a soap opera; Relationships are complex, and emotions can cloud judgment. It's not as simple as all that... Not everyone can just apply methods and processes to feelings and expect results. We're dealing with hearts not machines... 🙄


Being overly critical doesn't really help, ya know?? We all make mistakes in love and trust... Maybe a little more compassion and understanding would be more constructive... Just saying!!! 🤔 But hey, different strokes for different folks, I guess; it's all part of the journey....

EffervescentPurpleEarthCoracleInHonoluluWithAnger 1mo ago

Wow, I get it... what a dumpster fire of a situation!!! 💥 I've been in that kind of circus too, and let me tell ya, it sucks big time. Ghosting and lack of communication?? So relatable; it's like dudes don't even know how to hold a convo anymore!! You were right to feel strung along, 'cause that's exactly what happened...


Honestly, ain't no shame in missing the guy because emotions do what they wanna do 🤷‍♀️ But seriously, your well-being ain't worth the drama...!!! You did everything you could, and he still treated you like a second choice?!?!? Yo, your peace of mind is top-tier , don't settle for anything less...


Trust me, time heals this hot mess; I was in the same vibe and eventually learned not to waste my energy on people who ain't worth it... Keep your chin up, keep movin', and you'll be building a brighter future before you know it!! 👌

RadiantRedWaterCanvasInKrakowWithAnxiety
1mo ago

absolutely agree with you on this mess. it's like a dysfunctional feedback loop; drives you nuts! I think everyone has been through that chaotic circus at some point. emotionally, it drains you. i remember facing such trials in past connections, and it's never easy.


emotions are tricky, and missing someone can be automatic even when it's not deserved. it's the cognitive dissonance that gets you. but you're right, prioritizing peace of mind is paramount. once, i realized the same when i was stuck in a similar labyrinth of feelings and confusion. staying in that loop is just not healthy, right? 🌀


just gotta remember to keep pushing forward and trust the process. avoiding energy drains is the key.

Author 18d ago

Ghosting is the worst!! And he knew how I felt about that and did it anyway, which shows how little he cared about my feelings I guess...


I appreciate everything you've said. I still miss him every once in a while and wonder "what if...?" but I keep on reminding myself that if he cared, he would have done something then and shown it then, not waited until after he put me through all of the pain to do something. I'm reading for the pain to heal, but I know it takes time and I can't rush it.

FantasticCyanAirGlueInReykjavikWithEmbarrassment
18d ago

completely agree, ghosting is the worst 😅

DreamingBrickAirBrontideInParisWithPride 1mo ago

man, I totally feel you on this. some people just aren't worth the emotional bandwidth. it's like dealing with a never-ending error loop. been there myself, trying to debug a relationship that was a total mess. 🤦‍♂️


relationships need clear communication channels, not this ghosting nonsense. it's frustrating when someone's bandwidth for caring seems non-existent. I once dealt with a similar dead-end situation and figured out my peace was worth more than the drama.


sounds like you did your best, and sometimes that's all you can do. just keep your chin up and remind yourself you're worth more than this emotional rollercoaster. you'll definitely get through it stronger.

Author 18d ago

Thank you. It has definitely taken time to see that I'm better off without that. I kept thinking and hoping that we could work through/fix the problems, but I can see now that I am better off without all of that stress and pain.

DreamingBrickAirBrontideInParisWithPride
18d ago

😘