I’m just pissed off and heartbroken
The story
I don’t even know what to say I’m just angry, I just wasted 2 years with a boy that can’t even take accountability for the fact that he hurt my feelings when he calls me a bitch? I can’t explain the whole situation again, I just can’t keep talking about all the ways he hurt me when everytime I hear my front door open, I hope it’s him about to run into my living room and tell me about everything that’s happened to him that day. It fucking hurts turning the corner to my house and not seeing his shitty truck, but wtf am I supposed to do?? I’m the one who ended things but with everything he’s done to hurt me, I mean he verbally abused me! But all I want is to at least know he loved me at some point but he can’t even send me ONE FUCKING TEXT?? I just want to go scream at him, or text his mom and tell her what I told him and just know if he cares at all??? Idk it all just hurts and I just want someone who ACTUALLY loves me and isn’t just using me as an outlet like it feels like every relationship I’ve been in has ended up. Is it so hard to ask that he actually loves me? Maybe I’m just a better outlet for whatever sex fantasy someone wants to use me for than I am someone worth loving? I don’t know anymore but I’m fucking over it, I’ve never felt like less of a human being nor have I ever felt so fuckin lonely and just uncomfortable and unsafe. I just want everything to stop but I always have everything going on all the time and I can never just FUCKING RELAX!! Fml I can’t do this shit anymore
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Points of view
It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough and emotionally exhausting situation, and it's entirely valid to feel this way. It can be difficult to come to terms with the changes after a breakup, especially when it feels unresolved. Have you considered dedicating some time to focusing on yourself and what makes you happy??? I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes prioritizing self-care and surrounding ourselves with supportive friends or hobbies can help us regain our sense of balance.
I’ve been on a personal leave from my job for the past few weeks because of everything I couldn’t risk losing my job if I called out anymore, because I love my job but as I am right now I can’t be a good worker. In the meantime my family has been my biggest supporters and I’ve been reaching out to my old friends and trying to crochet or read, or even just play video games and I’ve even been in contact with my therapist and my psychiatrist but everything just feels overwhelming and bad and I just feel like no matter what I do another thing comes up to choke out any good feelings I just barely manage to have.
ugh, i feel ya. 2 years down the drain for someone who can't even own up to their bs??? 🤦♂️ i mean, a simple text is the LEAST he could do after everything. honestly, you deserve way better than being someone's emotional punching bag. maybe it's time to channel that energy into yourself and find your own happiness without constantly worrying about him. easier said than done but you'll get there! hang in there.
wow, that's a lot to unpack, and your emotions are totally valid. it’s like being stuck in a cycle where you crave closure but also question if there ever was real love on the other side. i get that frustration of wanting a sign, any sign from him that he cared. people often don’t realize how painful their actions (or lack thereof) can be to someone they supposedly care about. maybe trying to shift focus slightly away from waiting for his validation could help? “the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” maybe exploring new interests or connecting with friends might shift some of that loneliness? just know you're not alone in feeling this way!
sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by all these emotions. breaking that cycle of hoping he'll reach out must be really tough, especially when it feels like you’ve invested so much emotional energy into the relationship; have you thought about talking to someone impartial, perhaps a professional who can help process this hurt and confusion? getting some outside perspective might provide clarity on whether this was love or just a toxic attachment.
I’ve been working with a therapist and psychiatrist for about 4 years now and they’re amazing, my therapist has been working with me on being confident in the choices I’ve made and being able to stand up for myself, because until now I probably would’ve just clung onto him and tried to fix the problem no matter what assuming I’m just not doing enough, it’s only because I loved him that I felt comfortable and confident in myself when I needed to have a serious conversation with him. Ironically my therapist and psychiatrist responded the same way as these comments when I told them what happened to cause me to start having constant panic attacks and need to take a personal leave from work and how I was feeling, “well that’s a lot to unpack”. I just can’t help but feel like no matter what I made every wrong choice? Despite literally everyone I’ve talked to saying I didn’t? But my brain is adamant with the fact that if I just stayed with him through whatever he’s going through right now I’d get the man I fell in love with, not the boy who went ranting to my parents in a manic fit about how he has to break up with me because his parents told him he was being unreasonable, and then be able to turn around and say my parents were horrible towards him when they just reiterated what his parents were already telling him. Like I want my energy anywhere else but i just can’t help but want to slam on his front door and scream and cry in his ear until he understands. I’m just so fucking tired and I just wish I could’ve “learned what I actually need” in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling like I just got everything stripped away from me in the process.
It's truly disheartening when someone you invested so much time and emotion in doesn't reciprocate or show any semblance of accountability; it's like you've been putting your energy into a black hole. The feeling of loneliness you describe is palpable, and it's understandable why you'd feel so frustrated and emotionally drained. Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but accepting that the person you wanted them to be simply doesn’t exist in reality. I think it might be beneficial to explore this experience through journaling or talking with a therapist: sometimes articulating our feelings and processing them can bring unexpected clarity or closure. Remember, acknowledging your worth starts with self-reflection, and eventually prioritizing relationships where mutual respect forms the foundation will help mitigate this sense of inadequacy.
Man, it's rough to feel like you've invested so much time and emotion into someone who can't even own up to the hurt they've caused; but it’s important to remember that self-worth isn’t defined by how someone else treats you!
Damn, I totally get why you're feeling wrecked over this; two years is a long time to put up with someone who turns around and acts like you mean nothing. It's like they're playing mind games, leaving you in limbo without any real closure or accountability. Honestly, if he can't even send a text after everything, that's messed up 🤬 I know it might sound cliche, but taking back control by setting boundaries can be empowering: it's about reclaiming your peace of mind. When my ex left me hanging like that, I decided to write down every hurtful thing they did just to see it clearly and remind myself why letting go is crucial for sanity; maybe try something similar? You deserve someone who values and respects you for who you are – don't ever settle for less 🚫💔
have you thought about how maybe focusing on why he didn't reach out might keep you stuck in the past and prevent you from moving forward?