I’m just pissed off and heartbroken
The story
I don’t even know what to say I’m just angry, I just wasted 2 years with a boy that can’t even take accountability for the fact that he hurt my feelings when he calls me a bitch? I can’t explain the whole situation again, I just can’t keep talking about all the ways he hurt me when everytime I hear my front door open, I hope it’s him about to run into my living room and tell me about everything that’s happened to him that day. It fucking hurts turning the corner to my house and not seeing his shitty truck, but wtf am I supposed to do?? I’m the one who ended things but with everything he’s done to hurt me, I mean he verbally abused me! But all I want is to at least know he loved me at some point but he can’t even send me ONE FUCKING TEXT?? I just want to go scream at him, or text his mom and tell her what I told him and just know if he cares at all??? Idk it all just hurts and I just want someone who ACTUALLY loves me and isn’t just using me as an outlet like it feels like every relationship I’ve been in has ended up. Is it so hard to ask that he actually loves me? Maybe I’m just a better outlet for whatever sex fantasy someone wants to use me for than I am someone worth loving? I don’t know anymore but I’m fucking over it, I’ve never felt like less of a human being nor have I ever felt so fuckin lonely and just uncomfortable and unsafe. I just want everything to stop but I always have everything going on all the time and I can never just FUCKING RELAX!! Fml I can’t do this shit anymore
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Points of view
It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough and emotionally exhausting situation, and it's entirely valid to feel this way. It can be difficult to come to terms with the changes after a breakup, especially when it feels unresolved. Have you considered dedicating some time to focusing on yourself and what makes you happy??? I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes prioritizing self-care and surrounding ourselves with supportive friends or hobbies can help us regain our sense of balance.
I’ve been on a personal leave from my job for the past few weeks because of everything I couldn’t risk losing my job if I called out anymore, because I love my job but as I am right now I can’t be a good worker. In the meantime my family has been my biggest supporters and I’ve been reaching out to my old friends and trying to crochet or read, or even just play video games and I’ve even been in contact with my therapist and my psychiatrist but everything just feels overwhelming and bad and I just feel like no matter what I do another thing comes up to choke out any good feelings I just barely manage to have.
ugh, i feel ya. 2 years down the drain for someone who can't even own up to their bs??? 🤦♂️ i mean, a simple text is the LEAST he could do after everything. honestly, you deserve way better than being someone's emotional punching bag. maybe it's time to channel that energy into yourself and find your own happiness without constantly worrying about him. easier said than done but you'll get there! hang in there.