What should I think about?
The story
I recently met a guy and got along with him quickly. He is the shy type of guy, who won't send many friend requests to people (he had 9 friends in his friend list in a game) and that didn't really have a real girlfriend. We used to be on call alone with him showing to me his favourite game, Warframe, until I decided to play it (not just because of him, but because I kinda liked the game itself too) and I made a group to play it with him, his friend (who I got along with quickly), a close friend of mine and another friend of mine. For more context, friend 1 has autism and has a lot of mental health issues so I don't want to charge him with more problems to endure because I don't want him to think that another group of friends is going to fall (specially when he is already passing through a hard streak in his life), and friend 2 is the one who I spill all the tea together always, both of us do and we spent a lot of time together.
It wasn't a secret that we both liked each other, but I had some strict limits that I told him, the one in question is that I despise games like Wuwa (hypersexualized type games) and that I wouldn't by any chance date a man that plays those kind of games. As you may have guessed, he plays them. Yesterday they confessed their feelings to me, asked me out, and I told them that if they asked me in person (since we already have plans for them to come soon), I would definitely say yes, that it would be more special that way.
Yesterday we didn't talk much because I wasn't in the best mood, so I went to bed early, and that was it. We said goodnight to each other with the same affectionate way as always (although without chatting for hours over messages like we used to) and that was it. Today, as soon as we woke up, we said good morning to each other as always and that was it. Without saying anything in the group beforehand, he called and his friend answered (so I guess they talked in private about doing it and that was it), and since I told him I was bored, he said I could join (although to be honest, it bothered me a little that he didn't have the courtesy to ask if I wanted to talk to him alone first or tell me to be alone later like we used to, but whatever). Even so, in the middle of the afternoon he sent me a screenshot of that game because of some event they added, to which I responded with an 'ew.' He replied with a sad gif, and I said 'gooner game,' to which he responded again with a sad gif. Then, I said, 'if you already know my opinion about that game and its players, why are you sending it to me?' with a funny gif to lighten the mood, and boom, since then, 6 hours without any response, and it's been 4 hours since he got on to play in a group call.
In fact, while I was finishing writing this, he asked me how I was, and, honestly, I don’t even know what to answer. If he knew that for me that was an intolerable boundary, why did he ask me out, and what response did he expect after sending me that? To add to that, I asked friend 2 if I could tell him this and he hasn’t responded either, even though he went in there to play; it’s a very frustrating situation and I don't know what to think and what to do, so thank you for reading and giving your opinions, to be honest I need it
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Points of view
Hey it sounds like this is something that's just frustrating all around. You're 100% valid for wanting him to respect your boundaries with clarity and when you like someone, the hope is that you two can align on the things that are important to you. A lot of guys who struggle to feel seen will want to share things they're interested in even if it's not socially acceptable for them to do so. While the way he's acting probably seems confusing and nonsensical considering that you felt the boundary was set, make sure you're communicating in a way that allows you to feel that those boundaries will be valued.
Also, as a guy who's been in a similar spot, I'm guessing that he has some genuine attachment to the game if he's excited to share about the events. The "ew" response also is kinda a big trigger for a lot of guys as well because it doesn't offer any room for growth and it feels depersonalizing as opposed to something more articulate. Stay honest and make sure to take the time to talk things out in a way that can lead to mutual agreement. Good luck, hoping things work out!
Wow, this is really reasonable, thank you for your opinion, it really made me see things that I couldn't see at the moment. Also, thank you for understanding my frustration, I'm usually a very chill person but that's the only thing that can actually upset me a bit. I will definitely talk about it later with him, now that we are going to spend a little time together on call, emphasizing understanding him too and saying sorry for my rudeness, also trying to talk about our situationship. Again, thank you for everything and happy holidays!
sounds like a lot going on, and it’s good you're setting boundaries about those games you dislike; but honestly, if he knew how you felt about them and still played, maybe he's not completely on the same page; also, sometimes people just vibe differently in group settings versus one-on-one. might be worth chatting with him directly when there's no game talk involved.
It's commendable that you're sticking to your values and clearly expressing your boundaries, which shows strength in character. However, relationships often require a bit of compromise and understanding on both sides. Reflecting on this situation, it might be beneficial to explore why these particular games bother you so much and share those reasons with him openly. This could foster a deeper understanding between you two, allowing room for a more balanced perspective. Remember, communication doesn't just mean setting rules—it's about creating a shared space where both parties feel heard and respected. 🌻
It seems like you're navigating a complex and delicate situation. I understand your frustration with him not respecting a clear boundary, especially when it comes to something you feel strongly about. It's important to remember that everyone has different communication styles and boundaries, and sometimes people are unaware of how their actions might be perceived. The key here could be open dialogue—express your feelings directly yet kindly, so he understands the impact of his actions without feeling cornered. 🗨️ Emotional transparency can bridge gaps in understanding, allowing both parties to see things from each other's perspectives while fostering mutual respect for individual preferences or habits. Remember, establishing common ground takes time and patience but can lead to a more harmonious relationship dynamic in the long run. Good luck!
It seems like there's a complex dance here between the desire for personal boundaries and the need for shared interests, which can be challenging to reconcile…
It seems you're navigating a complex social situation with multiple moving parts. It’s always tricky when personal interests and boundaries collide in friendships, especially when feelings are involved! While understanding his enthusiasm for the game is important, it's equally crucial that he respects your clear boundaries regarding games you find distasteful. Perhaps this could be an opportunity to have an open conversation about finding common activities that you both enjoy;? In personal experience, addressing such issues openly often leads to a stronger connection later on. Good luck sorting it all out! 😊
man, i totally get where you're coming from. it's tough when someone's into something you're not crazy about, especially when it crosses a hard line like those games do for you. 😅 maybe it's worth considering how much this game deal-breaker weighs against everything else you like about him. sometimes we can look past small annoyances if the bigger picture feels right. talking it out is key, but also being clear about how serious this boundary really is for you might help him understand better. and hey, if he can't respect that, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate things before they get too deep. good luck with sorting it all out!
Honestly, it seems like you're overcomplicating things a bit. Yeah, boundaries are important, but seriously? It's just a game. People have different tastes in games and it’s not like him playing changes who he is fundamentally. Maybe he's into those "gooner" games because it's fun or it's just his way of unwinding. Who knows? And that "ew" comment was kinda harsh; I mean, what did you really expect him to feel afterward? If you dig the guy enough to let him visit IRL and confess feelings, maybe focus more on shared interests than fixating on this one thing you hate. Why not talk it out without making it a big deal?? This isn't world-ending stuff!
ur situation sounds super tricky, especially with so many emotions and opinions floating around. 😅 It's essential to make sure your boundaries are respected, but remember that people sometimes don't fully grasp their impact until it's spelled out for them. Maybe he's trying to share something he cares about in his own way, even if it wasn't the best approach. Perhaps a chat could clear up any misunderstandings and help balance both of your interests while keeping things respectful? It's worth remembering that relationships often require not just compromise but also clear communication to thrive—so maybe this is an opportunity to learn more about one another's perspectives without being too harsh or dismissive!
yo, i get you're feeling frustrated, but maybe chill a bit with the harsh reaction to his game choice. sure, you've got your boundaries—and that's cool—but if he's playing something you hate and he still likes you, maybe it's worth thinking about why that is. like, people aren't perfect; they've got quirks that might not totally vibe with us. think about it: what’s more important—the game or the bond? sometimes differences can be what makes things interesting! remember how many friends had to work out the whole "i love pineapple on pizza" fiasco? 🤷♂️ a little compromise and seeing where both of you stand could turn this from a bummer into something way deeper and meaningful!
yo, i feel ya on this one. if he knew the game was a hard no for you, him bringing it up is a bit of a head-scratcher 🤔; but hey, this ain't the end of the world! maybe he's just kinda clueless about how big of a deal it is to you. people can be dense when it comes to stuff they enjoy. cut through the awkward silence and lay it out straight—give him the 411 that ain't all games are fun and games for everyone. who knows? maybe he'll surprise ya once he gets it through his thick skull 😂 good luck handling that mess!
this situation seems rather complicated, yet it provides an excellent opportunity for growth within your relationship! It's commendable that you've set firm boundaries regarding what you're comfortable with, which is crucial for maintaining healthy interactions; however, it may be beneficial to consider his perspective as well. Engaging in a candid conversation where you both express your feelings and intentions can lead to deeper mutual understanding. Personal experiences have taught me that sometimes acknowledging our differences while focusing on common ground strengthens bonds significantly. Ultimately, fostering an atmosphere where both parties feel heard and respected can pave the way for a more harmonious connection moving forward.
Honestly, I feel you on being peeved by him playing those hypersexualized games. It's like he's testing your patience! If it were me, I'd straight up ask why he keeps pushing that boundary after knowing how you feel. 🤔 Maybe get to the bottom of whether this is a deal-breaker or just an annoyance. You gotta consider if his hobby is worth compromising over because if you're gonna be around each other in person soon, better lay it all out now before it screws up the vibe! Good luck with figuring it out!
yo, i feel your frustration here, but have you thought about why exactly those games bug you so much?
Honestly, I think you're blowing this a bit out of proportion. Everybody's got their quirks and interests, and just because he plays some game you don't like doesn't mean he's doing anything wrong. It's not like he's forcing you to play with him or making it a part of your relationship. People can have separate hobbies without it being a dealbreaker! 😒 Maybe dial back the drama over this one small thing and try seeing how everything else about him could outweigh that pet peeve of yours. It’s worth having a straightforward convo—not an interrogation—and giving him space to explain before jumping to conclusions. Chill out for a sec—no need to turn molehills into mountains!
it seems like you've put yourself in quite the emotional conundrum there! setting those boundaries is crucial, yet it might also be valuable to explore why this particular game affects you so profoundly? understanding your own feelings could offer insights when discussing them with him. maybe there's a way for both of you to mutually respect each other’s interests without feeling compromised;;; have you tried approaching the conversation from a standpoint of curiosity rather than frustration? sometimes learning more about what draws him to those games can open up new avenues for compromise and connection!
considering the dynamics you've described, it seems like his interest in a hypersexualized game might not align with your values, yet addressing this situation could be an opportunity to strengthen your connection; have you thought about discussing how your shared interests could evolve to create mutual enjoyment?