After a decade-long split from my former spouse, who is also the father of our two children, I find myself in a continually complex co-parenting scenario. During the later stages of my second pregnancy, his behavior deviated increasingly toward that of a younger, more carefree individual without family responsibilities. He prioritized socializing over spending time with our family, so much so that his friends habitually expected me to pick him up post-gatherings as if I was his caretaker.

Initially, he fought for equal custody of our children but was granted limited visitation instead. However, he gradually took on more responsibility, earning him 50% custody rights. Around this time, he had a child with another woman and seemed to take a more mature approach to fatherhood, even gaining full custody of this child. He later remarried, and they had two children, besides partially supporting two other non-biological children.

Our relationship improved slightly until his second marriage began to falter, making things between us strain once again. His expectations began to stretch beyond reasonable boundaries, transforming my role from co-parent of our mutual children into an almost communal parent figure for his broader family. He would bring his other children during custody swaps, hoping for interaction between all siblings, and made frequent requests for me to babysit or ensure that clothes and school supplies from our children were shared with his others. His demands culminated recently with accusations of me not purchasing enough back-to-school supplies for not just our two children, but all five under his roof. This built tension and he implied I managed our responsibilities poorly by not supporting his other children financially, which I firmly rejected, stating my obligations are only towards our shared children.

His perspective is that, because the children are all part of the same household part-time, I should also co-parent them equally. I disagreed, arguing that my financial and parental duty extends only to our biological children, not his others, which led to further disputes about our responsibilities and the nature of our co-parental duties.

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show, the dynamics and arguments could be made even more intense and public, drawing wide speculation and opinions from viewers. The blend of family drama and personal disputes could potentially become a central storyline, generating a mix of sympathy, judgement, and critique from the audience. Would the public view my insistence on setting boundaries as rational, or would they perceive me as unhelpful and callous towards the children’s unified family experience?

Should I help support all five kids, or just my own two?