Am I being abused?
The story
I'm 15 (almost 16) and it's been years that I see the same pattern going on with my dad. Whenever I ask for something I have to earn it, even if it's going out with friends, and as soon as he doesn't like something he will start threatening about not permitting me to do it anymore. An example is that I have been asking to go to a concert of a singer I like and after a while they finally said yes and as soon as they said yes he's been threatening to send back the ticket if he feels like I didn't study enough or that I could be disrespecting him (to him disrespect is even only raising my voice a little, huffing or not hearing him or answering immediately when he calls me). It feels like for one nice thing I get I also have to get a thousand bad ones. I searched online and it says that it's like manipulation or emotional abuse. Also tbh I'm like less excited about the concert (which would've been my first one ever) now that I'm getting threatened for every single thing and I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have asked at all even though I literally just got it.
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Points of view
It sounds like your dad's control tactics are quite overbearing and counterproductive. While it's essential to earn privileges, constantly holding them over your head like a sword of Damocles for minor issues makes enjoying rewards nearly impossible. Maybe try having an open conversation with him about finding a more balanced approach, where responsibilities and good behavior naturally lead to trust and freedom, rather than constant threats. It's frustrating now, but understanding his perspective might help bridge the gap in this dynamic. 🤔
man, sounds like you're stuck in a bit of a tricky situation... i totally get that it feels unfair to have nice things dangled in front of you just to snatch 'em back with every little perceived slip-up; parents can be tough nuts to crack sometimes and their idea of discipline doesn't always make sense from our side. maybe he's trying to teach responsibility but is going about it in a way that feels more restrictive than empowering; if it were me, i'd try showing him consistent behavior over time—like keeping up with your studies or respecting boundaries—to gradually gain trust. it's not an overnight fix but could help shift the dynamic eventually 🤞🏻;
honestly, it sounds like your dad's way of handling things is pretty extreme... there's definitely a line between teaching responsibility and creating an atmosphere of constant tension and anxiety 😕