Are my feelings valid?
The story
Are my feelings valid? When I hesitate to give to my husband’s family. They’re not well-off, but they’re managing. We already have our own family, and his salary is small and barely enough. We still give to his family from time to time, and I agree to it, but sometimes it becomes too much.
We always argue because he always wants to help his family. I don’t really have a problem with that — it’s just that his salary is small, and we also have a baby who still needs milk. But his mom and dad sometimes ask us for money, even for things like his sibling’s school allowance.
We give when we can, so it’s not like I’m being selfish. I just don’t like it when it becomes excessive, because we’re not rich either. We argue because he thinks I’m being selfish toward his family, but of course, I’m also thinking about the fact that he already has a family of his own now — us.
And when I cry during our fights, he tells me, ‘You act like you’re the one being mistreated.’ I just want to express my emotions because I’m not used to us having serious fights.
Are my feelings valid?
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Points of view
I understand where you're coming from, but you might be neglecting the importance of familial responsibilities. Your spouse's desire to support his family isn't inherently selfish, and balancing financial obligations is key in any marriage. 💰 Relationships require compromise. Instead of focusing solely on your immediate household, consider a financial plan that accommodates both needs. For context, my partner and I set strict family allowances to avoid similar conflicts. Doing this might prevent feeling "mistreated." Not everything should boil down to the size of one’s paycheck; empathy and understanding also play pivotal roles.
Your feelings are completely justified in this situation, and it seems like you're caught in a challenging cycle. Supporting his family is commendable, but it can't come at the expense of the financial well-being of your own household; every family should prioritize its resources effectively. "Charity begins at home," as the saying goes, and it's vital for your husband to understand that you have a right to express concerns over your household's financial health. Having been in a similar situation myself, my partner and I discovered that clear communication and setting firm boundaries helped balance our obligations to both sides. It's not being selfish to prioritize your child's needs and financial security over non-essential requests from extended family. Your husband should appreciate this perspective instead of dismissing your feelings. Sometimes, a serious discussion with a financial advisor can help align familial responsibilities and personal budgets effectively. 😊 It’s time to tackle this issue head-on, for the sake of your family.
sounds like you're in a frustrating situation, and your feelings make sense. why should you have to sacrifice your own financial stability for your husband's extended family? it's one thing to lend a hand every now and then, but it's a whole different ball game when you're jeopardizing your own family's needs. "charity begins at home," and this ongoing financial support seems to ignore that essential truth. it's your partner's duty to grasp that there's a limit to this charity because, honestly, he's got his own family now. making sure your immediate family is secure should be the numero uno priority, not optional, no more tiptoeing around that fact.
I totally get why you're feeling overwhelmed. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Your feelings are definitely valid, and it's important to look out for your immediate family too. Your husband's commitment to helping his family is admirable, but it's crucial to set boundaries. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Maybe have a calm chat with him about setting a budget that helps both his family and yours. It's all about finding that sweet spot where everyone feels supported. 😊