is this a universal oldest sibling experience?

I am the oldest child in my family, and as an oldest and a daughter, I have been expected to help take care of my siblings and house since I was probably around 10. my responsibilities and the amount of work that I take on has grown since then. I am 16, soon to be 17 right now, and I used to only have one little sister, and she was only 3 years younger than me. so I don't remember much from her being a toddler, and I definitely wasn't expected to help take care of her. but as we got older, I started to be told more and more that I needed to make sure that she was getting her chores done, or help her with her homework. basic things like that. well eventually those little things grow into making dinner, making sure that my sister gets to school on time. driving her to all of her events. dropping her off at her friends houses, or picking up her friends after school to give them a ride home. I had already been starting to struggle a little bit with figuring out when and where my parents wanted me to take on a more parental role to her. for the most part, it hasn't been too difficult, she just thinks that I can be a bit bossy sometimes, and she thinks that I try to act like a parent, and that makes her upset. I understand why that would upset her, and I do tend to take on a role that puts me in charge, but that is only because I am trying to keep everything together on days when my dad is gone, and my mom is unable to deal with it due to her MS or depression. I grew up dealing with her always being upset with me for things like that though, so I have gotten used to it and learned how to deal with it. unfortunately it has made it a little more difficult for me to have a good sisterly relationship with her, but I hope that one day she will understand why I have felt that I have had to be a little more bossy at times, and that its only because I want her to be set up the best that she can be. well things have gotten a little more complicated recently. my family have done foster care for a few years now. we have been fostering a 3 year old boy for a little over a year now. he is a great kid, but he has a lot of medical issues. we are hoping to be able to adopt him, but we will have to see how things go. well anyway, it has been a big change for me. he is 13 years younger than me, and I have had to learn how to live with a little kid, and learn how to work with most of his medical requirements. at this point, I am pretty sure that I have tagged along to more of the little guy's appointments than my dad has. when I agreed to doing the foster care, I had expected that my parents would be doing almost all of the work with the kid, and I would get to be the fun big sister. I still planned on helping out because parenting is tough, but I have devoted so much more of myself to this kid than I thought I would. I don't mind too much, and I have even grown to love the kid like a brother, but it is so much work. I babysit him a lot so my mom can get some rest, I have learned how to do all of his at home stuff. I have to put him to bed a lot because sometimes I am the only one who can get him to go to sleep without throwing a fit. I have had to miss out on events or days out with my friends because someone needed to be home to watch the kid. I also tend to get stuck following him around whenever we go somewhere so that I can make sure that he doesn't get into anything. I bring him into daycare every morning on my way to class, and pick him up at the end of the day. this has made me a lot more involved than I had planned to be. so naturally, I care a lot for the kid, and want to make sure that he is happy and his needs are met. because I really do love him. which is tough for me to get to with the foster kids because of how closed off I force myself to be. so when he is crying or upset, I want to try to figure out what is causing it, and how to make him feel better. I realize that I can't just baby him every time he does that because that is just encouraging bad habits. but I do want to try to figure out why he is upset, and if there is a solution before I just leave it be. well anyway, i was up late tonight, and heard him crying. I texted my mom to see if they needed help, and she said he was asking for a hug from me. so I went upstairs to where his bedroom is, and he was upset and crying, and my dad was cranky because the kid was up. he took the kid to go potty, but since they were both upset things were not being cominicated properly betweenthe two of them, and it was just making things worse. so I stepped in and got him to use the bathroom, and then I was gonna go back to his bedroom to give him a hug, but my dad didn't want me to because he thought he was just stalling to get what he wanted. so when my dad went back to his room and the kid was still crying and shaken up, I went in there to give him a hug, and calm him down a bit. which, what do you know? actually worked. I know I shouldn't have done it when my dad didn't want me to, but the kid was freaking out and didn't understand what was going on, and I couldn't stand to just go to bed with the poor kid still feeling like that. my mom agreed that it would be ok. I just went in to give him a hug, and get him a sip of water. well apparently my dad say me through the baby monitor and got upset. I can definitely get how that would be frustrating and seem like me undermining him as a parent. but honestly, I don't regret it. he's a kid who doesn't like to be left alone, and leaving him shaken up like that when all he wanted was a hug was something that I just couldn't do. thanks for reading this. I guess I just needed to vent. I know that there are people in the world with way bigger problems than this right now. but I just feel lost. I want to be a kid, but I get treated like I am supposed to be a partial parental figure, but then get in trouble when I act like it. am I in the wrong for giving my brother a hug? is this a normal oldest sibling experience? does anyone have any advice for how to be helpful and do what my parents want, while still being able to have some time to be a kid myself?

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