is this a universal oldest sibling experience?
The story
I am the oldest child in my family, and as an oldest and a daughter, I have been expected to help take care of my siblings and house since I was probably around 10. my responsibilities and the amount of work that I take on has grown since then. I am 16, soon to be 17 right now, and I used to only have one little sister, and she was only 3 years younger than me. so I don't remember much from her being a toddler, and I definitely wasn't expected to help take care of her. but as we got older, I started to be told more and more that I needed to make sure that she was getting her chores done, or help her with her homework. basic things like that. well eventually those little things grow into making dinner, making sure that my sister gets to school on time. driving her to all of her events. dropping her off at her friends houses, or picking up her friends after school to give them a ride home. I had already been starting to struggle a little bit with figuring out when and where my parents wanted me to take on a more parental role to her. for the most part, it hasn't been too difficult, she just thinks that I can be a bit bossy sometimes, and she thinks that I try to act like a parent, and that makes her upset. I understand why that would upset her, and I do tend to take on a role that puts me in charge, but that is only because I am trying to keep everything together on days when my dad is gone, and my mom is unable to deal with it due to her MS or depression. I grew up dealing with her always being upset with me for things like that though, so I have gotten used to it and learned how to deal with it. unfortunately it has made it a little more difficult for me to have a good sisterly relationship with her, but I hope that one day she will understand why I have felt that I have had to be a little more bossy at times, and that its only because I want her to be set up the best that she can be. well things have gotten a little more complicated recently. my family have done foster care for a few years now. we have been fostering a 3 year old boy for a little over a year now. he is a great kid, but he has a lot of medical issues. we are hoping to be able to adopt him, but we will have to see how things go. well anyway, it has been a big change for me. he is 13 years younger than me, and I have had to learn how to live with a little kid, and learn how to work with most of his medical requirements. at this point, I am pretty sure that I have tagged along to more of the little guy's appointments than my dad has. when I agreed to doing the foster care, I had expected that my parents would be doing almost all of the work with the kid, and I would get to be the fun big sister. I still planned on helping out because parenting is tough, but I have devoted so much more of myself to this kid than I thought I would. I don't mind too much, and I have even grown to love the kid like a brother, but it is so much work. I babysit him a lot so my mom can get some rest, I have learned how to do all of his at home stuff. I have to put him to bed a lot because sometimes I am the only one who can get him to go to sleep without throwing a fit. I have had to miss out on events or days out with my friends because someone needed to be home to watch the kid. I also tend to get stuck following him around whenever we go somewhere so that I can make sure that he doesn't get into anything. I bring him into daycare every morning on my way to class, and pick him up at the end of the day. this has made me a lot more involved than I had planned to be. so naturally, I care a lot for the kid, and want to make sure that he is happy and his needs are met. because I really do love him. which is tough for me to get to with the foster kids because of how closed off I force myself to be. so when he is crying or upset, I want to try to figure out what is causing it, and how to make him feel better. I realize that I can't just baby him every time he does that because that is just encouraging bad habits. but I do want to try to figure out why he is upset, and if there is a solution before I just leave it be. well anyway, i was up late tonight, and heard him crying. I texted my mom to see if they needed help, and she said he was asking for a hug from me. so I went upstairs to where his bedroom is, and he was upset and crying, and my dad was cranky because the kid was up. he took the kid to go potty, but since they were both upset things were not being cominicated properly betweenthe two of them, and it was just making things worse. so I stepped in and got him to use the bathroom, and then I was gonna go back to his bedroom to give him a hug, but my dad didn't want me to because he thought he was just stalling to get what he wanted. so when my dad went back to his room and the kid was still crying and shaken up, I went in there to give him a hug, and calm him down a bit. which, what do you know? actually worked. I know I shouldn't have done it when my dad didn't want me to, but the kid was freaking out and didn't understand what was going on, and I couldn't stand to just go to bed with the poor kid still feeling like that. my mom agreed that it would be ok. I just went in to give him a hug, and get him a sip of water. well apparently my dad say me through the baby monitor and got upset. I can definitely get how that would be frustrating and seem like me undermining him as a parent. but honestly, I don't regret it. he's a kid who doesn't like to be left alone, and leaving him shaken up like that when all he wanted was a hug was something that I just couldn't do. thanks for reading this. I guess I just needed to vent. I know that there are people in the world with way bigger problems than this right now. but I just feel lost. I want to be a kid, but I get treated like I am supposed to be a partial parental figure, but then get in trouble when I act like it. am I in the wrong for giving my brother a hug? is this a normal oldest sibling experience? does anyone have any advice for how to be helpful and do what my parents want, while still being able to have some time to be a kid myself?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Wow, you've been bearing a lot of responsibility and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job juggling everything!!
It's totally understandable to feel torn between being a sibling and taking on more adult roles... Honestly, stepping in to comfort your brother shows a lot of maturity and kindness! sometimes listening to your instincts is important, especially when it's about showing some love. It might help to have an open chat with your parents about how you're feeling and see if some boundaries or agreements can be set so you get more time for yourself too. You deserve that balance!
honestly, you're not the parent; it's not your job to fix everything. you've got enough going on already and should be focusing on being a teenager 🤷♂️. while stepping in might seem helpful short-term, it blurs boundaries between you and your parents' roles;, plus this will only keep increasing your workload. maybe setting clearer expectations with them might help avoid these contradictions in the future? remember, you're just one person; don't let yourself be overwhelmed!
it sounds like you're stuck in a tough spot, trying to balance being there for your siblings and wanting some time for yourself. honestly, the fact that you care enough to stay up and comfort your brother really speaks volumes about your character ❤️. it's tricky being seen as both a kid and an adult... like you're caught in this weird limbo between roles. maybe see if there's a way to delegate some tasks or get more support from your parents? it could lighten the load and help prevent burnout. at the end of the day, everyone deserves a bit of time just to be themselves without extra pressure!
seems to be a classical case of "parentification"! While your instinct to comfort and support your foster brother is commendable, it is imperative to delineate boundaries for personal well-being!
Propose a family discussion about expectations and support systems so you can strike an equilibrium between being a nurturing elder sibling and embracing youthful experiences. Don't forget that caring for yourself is just as important as caring for others 😊
Man, it sounds like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders! 😅 Honestly, being in that spot where you're expected to be both a sibling and a parent is rough. I think it's awesome that you stepped up for your little brother when he needed comfort—sometimes parents miss those emotional cues; it's normal for them not to see everything. But don't feel guilty or stuck about wanting to live your own life and have those teenage experiences too. Maybe try having an open chat with your fam about setting some boundaries and divvying up responsibilities so you can get more "me" time—you're only young once, ya know? Just remember: being there doesn't mean breaking yourself; you've got to take care of your own needs too! 😊
Your situation is really challenging, and it's commendable how much love and care you show towards your siblings; it's a lot to handle when you're expected to juggle responsibilities that typically belong to an adult while still figuring out who you are.
it's clear you're in a challenging position, straddling the line between sibling and caregiver 😒. it's like being thrust into the throes of "pseudo-parenthood" without a manual or even time to catch your breath. i totally get how you feel compelled to step in when things get chaotic—sometimes, it feels like if you don't handle it, no one will! however, as much as your empathy drives you, keep tabs on that “compassion fatigue.” maybe try carving out small times for yourself during the week; even just an hour could be therapeutic. remember: self-care isn't selfish; it's essential 🌟!
sounds like you're doing an amazing job looking after your siblings, but maybe it's time you have a heart-to-heart chat with your parents about all the responsibilities you're handling; they might not fully realize how much is on your plate.
Dude, you're basically running a daycare while trying to live your teenage life?
dang, you're definitely living the "oldest sibling" life to the fullest! 😬 taking on all that responsibility must feel like a double-edged sword sometimes. it's awesome that you care so much for your siblings and have stepped up when needed, but it’s also important to remember you’re still a teen and deserve your own space. ever thought about carving out some dedicated time just for yourself or hanging with friends?
dude, you've been thrown into this parental role without even signing up for it lol 🥴; it's wild how much you're stepping up for your siblings. honestly, being there for the little dude is sweet, but I totally get why you'd feel stuck between wanting to be a carefree teen and handling all those responsibilities. do you think your parents might let you take more breaks if they knew how much this is affecting you? sometimes just laying it out for them can help—like, hello?? I'm not getting paid for this babysitting gig! 🤣 finding that balance won't happen overnight, but talking about it could definitely ease some stress. keep doing what you're doing, but don't forget to take care of yourself too!
hey, first off, major props to you for handling such a challenging situation with so much care and maturity 😇! it's a lot to juggle between being the nurturing big sister and still trying to live your life as a teenager. it sounds like you're experiencing "role ambiguity", where your responsibilities aren't fully defined, which can be super confusing. maybe try initiating a family meeting to talk about everyone's roles in the household? during that chat, mention how important it is to have some personal time too, so you don't end up burned out; fostering open communication could really help everyone get on the same page about what support is needed. just remember, while it's commendable to be there for your siblings, continuously stretching yourself thin won't benefit anyone in the long run 💪.
it seems like you're navigating a complex role within your family dynamics; the way you've stepped up is admirable, but it's understandable how confusing that can be. the expectations placed on you to act as both sibling and caregiver not only blur boundaries but also seem to impact personal development positively. i wonder if there's room for discussing with your parents how trust and responsibility can be shared more evenly to allow you time to pursue your interests or just unwind? finding this balance might help reduce stress and build healthier relationships all around.
yo, i get that you're in a tough spot, but doesn't it feel a bit like your parents are maybe expecting too much from you? 🤔 it's cool that you care so deeply about your siblings, but juggling roles like this can be overwhelming; what do you think would happen if you just said "no" to some tasks? it's important to find time for yourself too and not let all these responsibilities weigh you down too much;
whoa, you're walking a tightrope here; being thrust into this pseudo-parent role is no joke 🤨! i get that your parents might be dealing with their own issues, but at some point, they've gotta recognize that piling all this on you isn't sustainable. you stepping in for your little brother was the right move – sounds like your dad couldn't handle the situation anyway 🤷♀️; remember that it's okay to put yourself first sometimes. life ain't just about endless responsibilities! maybe suggest family therapy or even a weekly family meeting to iron out these roles and duties? who knows, it might help everyone understand how much is going on behind the scenes and give you some desperately needed breathing space 🌬️.
ugh, that sounds rough!!! 😩 being put in a spot where you're expected to juggle so much at your age is stressful. it's not just about helping out—it's like you're shouldering a parental role without getting any guidance or breaks; i remember feeling super burned out when I had to do the same with my younger cousins. maybe you’re also teaching your parents how awesome and responsible you are but dang!!! even superheroes take time off! try talking with them about setting up some clear boundaries, it’s only fair and right that you have space for yourself too 😊
it's beyond me how they've essentially drafted you into playing this parental role without any formal agreement; i mean, you're doing all the heavy lifting and no one seems to notice that you’re practically drowning in responsibilities. your dedication to your siblings is commendable, but it’s unfair that you’re being put in situations where you're criticized for just trying to make things right. have you considered discussing boundaries with your parents, including what tasks are realistic for someone your age? establishing a clear demarcation between duties might allow you some breathing space. also, identify specific times when you can recharge—that's invaluable because if you're burned out, no one benefits; strategizing time for yourself will help maintain your sanity while keeping everyone's needs balanced 😊
Honestly, it sounds like you're caught in this weird limbo where you're expected to be grown up but aren't given the authority that comes with it; that's just messed up. You shouldn't need a degree in family dynamics to figure out when you can give a hug. Maybe your parents need a reality check about how much they're relying on you while not letting you have a say; if they can't see the strain it's putting on you now, who will? Just remember: sacrificing your precious teenage years for something you didn't sign up for doesn't make sense 🙄
Man, it sounds like you're caught in a rough spot! 😅 Balancing being the big sibling and having so much responsibility must be exhausting. I wonder if there's any way you can have an open conversation with your parents about setting clearer boundaries for yourself? Maybe if they understood how this is affecting you, they'd be more open to redistributing some tasks. Your instincts with your foster brother were spot-on, btw—sometimes kids just need that reassurance. Have you ever thought about whether there are community resources or support groups available for families doing foster care? It might lighten the load a bit and give everyone room to breathe.
It's amazing to see how much love and responsibility you're taking on, but it might be helpful to start by setting boundaries with your parents about what roles you can realistically handle; perhaps introducing the concept of "delegation" in a family meeting could ensure everyone pulls their weight without overwhelming any one person.
sounds like you're biting off more than you can chew with this whole situation!!! 🤯