i am 17 and i already know my family is rotten in the most boring and stupid way possible!!! not movie evil, not dramatic rich people evil, just the same ugly garbage every day!!! my mom acts nice in front of people and then comes home and starts picking at everything i do!!! my dad talks like he is some expert on life when really he just likes hearing himself be loud!!! my older brother copies them because being cruel is easier than having a brain, i guess??? they talk to me like i am a problem sitting in a chair, like i am some broken thing they are forced to keep around!!! if i stay quiet, they say i am rude!!! if i answer, they say i have an attitude!!! what exactly do they want then??? a wall that says sorry???

the worst part is how normal they think this is!!! they insult, mock, watch, judge, and then pretend it is just family stuff!!! they say i am too sensitive, but that is lazy trash people say when they do not want blame on them!!! every small thing becomes a lecture!!! i leave a cup somewhere, suddenly i am useless!!! i get a bad grade, suddenly i am ruining my future!!! i get a good grade, suddenly it is not enough because someone else did better!!! there is no stable rule here!!! the rule changes every hour depending on who wants to dump their bad mood on me!!! does that sound like care to you??? because to me it sounds like control with fake concern glued on top of it!!! i watch them carefully now, and it is always the same pattern!!!

so yeah, i want to escape from them!!! i am not even being dramatic, i am being practical!!! i do not mean i want some giant revenge scene or a speech or one of those fake healing talks!!! i mean i want out!!! i want a door that shuts and stays shut!!! i want one room where nobody checks my face, my phone, my tone, my steps, my food, my time, my friends!!! i save what money i can, which is not much, and i keep a list in my head of places i could maybe go when i turn 18!!! maybe work, maybe a tiny room, maybe some ugly apartment with thin walls and bad heat!!! honestly that still sounds better than this house!!! at least a bad apartment does not insult you at breakfast and then call it love!!!

i am not saying i am perfect!!! i get angry!!! i say sharp things back sometimes!!! i stop caring sometimes too, because what is the point of acting nice with people who feed on it??? but being flawed is not the same as being the cause of all this!!! that is the lie they keep pushing because it helps them sleep!!! i do not know if leaving will fix everything!!! maybe i will still feel messed up after!!! maybe i will doubt every calm person because this house trained me to wait for the hit after the smile!!! still, staying here feels worse and dumber every month!!! so i look at them like a fact, not a family!!! toxic people, limited value, high damage!!! simple enough!!! and if you are reading this and thinking i should just forgive them, based on what exactly???

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