Bad Times right nOw
The story
Job interview soon. Came all this way, all this way. Everything.. so much so much. Memories. Two hours to go, I need to keep it together.
I woke up, and it was okay. Then that apparition. That version of Mom that stays with me creeping behind my eyes. I hear my cries and screams but they sound far away and I can't always tell if it's now or then. I remember blood and I remember
things in the dark man that I can't think of right now I need to keep it together. I breathe in and out. It's 2026. I'm a young man now. I'm far away from them all, no one has hurt me no one can. But she's with me, it's like she's around the corner. More screams inside my ears. Hers and mine and others. So many pictures flash before my eyes that I can't unsee. So many whispers in my ear echoes of arguments and abuse. So many smells and so many things my skin crawls to see inside my mind. I tell myself let some out, and lock it away. She's not here. She's not anywhere near here. She can never find me. I disappeared. Even if she could, I could handle it. I'm okay, I have to be okay for just a little while. No more past. Just now. Writing helps. Just keep writing. Missed counseling session yesterday, first one. was shaking, breathless. Have to try again next week, or find a place less busy. Inhale, to 4, exhale, to 4. All there is they say ahahaha. I'm doing it. It's over now I just need to remember that. remember that I'm now, not then.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
It's truly challenging what you've been through, and it seems like you've developed some coping strategies to manage those overwhelming memories; breathing exercises can be really grounding in moments of intense stress.
I totally get what you're going through. A similar thing happened to me before a big presentation. Memories of my dad just kept haunting me and I almost had a panic attack.
That's tough, thanks for sharing.
hang in there, man! it sounds like a lot, but you're already doing the right things by focusing on your breathing and writing it out; these moments come and go, you know? keep pushing through, you've got this!!! 🧡
man, it sounds like you're carrying a lot with you but give yourself credit for even getting up and facing the day; those memories might feel suffocating, but reminding yourself that you're here now, in this moment, is sometimes all we can do.
I can relate to your anxiety but focusing too much on the past might not help. Try distracting yourself with something positive before your interview.
Man, don't let the ghosts in your head get to you before that interview; remember what Gandalf says about all we have to decide is what to do with the time given us, and right now it's your time to shine.
Absolutely relate to this. Before my finals last year, I was overwhelmed with old memories of school bullying. Managed to push through by reminding myself it's just temporary.
what if it never goes away
dude you're overthinking all of this way too much. i mean yeah, we've all got our baggage but you can't let it take over your life like this. you have an interview in two hours, right? focus on that for now and deal with the other stuff when you aren't about to meet someone who's gonna pay your bills. honestly though, missing counseling isn't great when you are dealing with so much; maybe look into something more consistent once the interview is done.