Job interview soon. Came all this way, all this way. Everything.. so much so much. Memories. Two hours to go, I need to keep it together.

I woke up, and it was okay. Then that apparition. That version of Mom that stays with me creeping behind my eyes. I hear my cries and screams but they sound far away and I can't always tell if it's now or then. I remember blood and I remember

things in the dark man that I can't think of right now I need to keep it together. I breathe in and out. It's 2026. I'm a young man now. I'm far away from them all, no one has hurt me no one can. But she's with me, it's like she's around the corner. More screams inside my ears. Hers and mine and others. So many pictures flash before my eyes that I can't unsee. So many whispers in my ear echoes of arguments and abuse. So many smells and so many things my skin crawls to see inside my mind. I tell myself let some out, and lock it away. She's not here. She's not anywhere near here. She can never find me. I disappeared. Even if she could, I could handle it. I'm okay, I have to be okay for just a little while. No more past. Just now. Writing helps. Just keep writing. Missed counseling session yesterday, first one. was shaking, breathless. Have to try again next week, or find a place less busy. Inhale, to 4, exhale, to 4. All there is they say ahahaha. I'm doing it. It's over now I just need to remember that. remember that I'm now, not then.

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