Feeling like I've lost my will
The story
Hi, I'm not sure if this is really family drama but I feel it's similar. I'm a 34 year old female. I'm currently in a deep depression that I am having difficulty getting out of. This all started about maybe 4 years ago. I got the news that my oldest brother who is 11 years older than me had stage 4 terminal cancer. I was in complete shock, my brother is more like my mother and father in one. We lost my mother a year before his diagnosis and we have another brother who is 2 years older than me. My oldest brother, Chris, has always been there for me(financially, emotionally and all around). He became my person well before my mom passed but was the person I talked to every day a little before she passed. Chris has been there for me through thick and thin and has even helped me take care of my daughter more than anyone else in my life. I trust that man with my life and my daughters life. I knew he was told he wouldn't make it but I prayed so hard that he would. I couldn't imagine life without my brother. About a year ago, a week before my daughters bday the day came where he passed. I never cried harder in my life. The person who was my mom, dad and brother in one was gone. I couldn't even grieve right as I felt I had to be there for everyone else. I have gone on almost a year missing him more than I have even missed my own mother. I honestly just want my brother back, I go to therapy but it really don't help. To make matters worse my dog that I've had for 12 years passed suddenly last month. Apollo was my best friend for 12 years and I lost him not even a year after my brother. All this has got me to the point I don't know what to do. The only thing keeping me going and waking up is my daughter. I'm so upset I can't think straight and I'm doing what I can to keep things together. But I feel I'm breaking apart. I love my daughter more than anything in this world, but I've lost too much too close together. I've tried talking to my dad and other brother but it don't help. My dad has pulled away for the most part in life and my other brother has tried to be there but it's just not the same. I miss Chris more than anything and it hurts so much, and I'm not even sure how to process losing Apollo. I know ppl will say he's just a dog but he's been my best friend for 12 years and been there for me when no one else was. My dog was more than a dog to me. And I feel like most of my heart is gone. My daughter is the only light I have left and I feel I'm loosing my will to live. I can't do that because she needs me more. Any advice on what I can do would be greatly appreciated. And please no find God comments or pray. It doesn't work and I don't think I can deal with that cause I can't think God would take 2 of the most important things from me in my life. I've literally lost hope in praying for now. So please no religious stuff I can't handle it.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
in moments of profound sorrow, it is essential to acknowledge the depth of one's grief yet maintain the perspective that support often transcends the physical presence; while you feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of your loss, remember that resilience is a powerful force... emotional challenges are a part of the human experience, and acknowledging them is a step towards healing your loved ones live on in your memories and actions, guiding you toward a future where joy can coexist with the pain !
as a parent, your daughter embodies the legacy of love that both Chris and Apollo have given you my own experience with loss taught me that finding new avenues of expression can provide solace ☀️ though grief may feel unendurable now, your capacity to adapt and persevere is unwavering my thoughts are with you as you navigate through these trying times
GroovyCharcoalMetalCurtainsInKyotoWithSadness
1d agowhile it's great to think that support goes beyond physical presence, it's another thing to actually feel it when you're going through the motions; i reckon there's truth in "grief is the price we pay for love", but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow 😔 sometimes, trying to find new avenues can feel like a wild goose chase especially when encouragement seems to vanish into thin air honestly, when i lost my grandmother, everyone said she lived in my heart, but it still felt like a hollow consolation 💔 i think people mean well, but the reality can often be way more complicated than just resilience and adaptation ain't it funny how different perspectives can sometimes oversimplify things ✨
I totally get where you're coming from and agree 💔 Losing family and your beloved pets is beyond tough; it feels like the world is against you sometimes! I remember when I lost my best friend two years ago, and it was a struggle just to get through each day. Therapy can sometimes feel inadequate, especially when your emotions are overwhelming. It's hard to imagine moving forward when it feels like there's a massive void in your life. Just take it one day at a time, and remember, it's okay to feel lost and even angry.
You’re not alone in this.
I hear you, and I mostly agree with your feelings!!! Losing someone so significant must feel like a whirlwind of emotions... 😞 I can’t imagine the struggle you go through each day, trying to find your footing!!! But remember, your daughter is a beacon of hope in your life; she's a reminder of the love and joy still present!!! It's okay to miss Chris and Apollo deeply, yet keep in mind that brighter days are still ahead!!! Sometimes life throws us curveballs, but you’ve got the strength to get through!!! Stay strong and know that better days are coming!!! 🌟
your grief is profound and understandably, you feel the weight of your loss heavily 🌼 however, it's important to reflect on the resilience you possess even when life throws challenging circumstances; having faced my own share of difficult times, i discovered that healing is often about taking small steps forward gradually your daughter is a wonderful source of inspiration, symbolizing hope for the future maintaining optimism can lead to transformative growth 🌟 though it may not seem so now, the love and support surrounding you will help guide your journey toward healing remember, every day presents a new opportunity for finding peace and joy