How much more can I take until I decide it’s too much.
The story
Because of my mom’s boyfriend I might sort of be forced to Canada. I’m 16 now. Because of everything going on it’s made me feel dissociated, anxious, more depressed, and I’ve been getting horrible thoughts again.
My mom’s boyfriend has consumed her life. At first in my other story I thought she was getting lost in the idea of love which I still believe but she also recently told me the abuse and how she’s afraid for her life and our (me and my grandmas) if she leaves.
He has threatened to send people to my home, threatened to hurt my mom, and I heard from my grandma that he held my mom and I think raped her while she was menstruating. Because of the threats and the way it seems that my mom isn’t really making an effort to leave him since today I found out she had gotten a freshly new tattoo of his name, Luis Garcia, on the middle of her chest in big bold letters. But besides that because of everything, my grandma wants to take me out to Canada with her but they’re gonna close the borders once I’m over there (it’s what she said) and I’d have to be over there for a few months but if that were to happen that means I’d lose my therapy since if I don’t show up for months or I don’t show up to a lot of schedule appointments they’re gonna pull me out of therapy and I’d have to get a new therapist all over again. This is my 3rd therapist.
I have an option to live with my aunt but I don’t think it would be possible because a lot of responsibility is being put onto my aunt like keeping care of all of my grandmas plants and animals while my grandma is in Canada.. and I don’t want to be a burden but I’m so tired of holding of everything in and if I lose my therapist I won’t have anyone because this family is full of “you don’t need therapy”, “you’re not depressed”, “you don’t have an anxiety disorder, you need a brain scan to tell that”, etc.
If I go to Canada I’ll have no therapy and I’ll lose my therapy because they’ll send the discharge papers, most likely no privacy and I’d be forced to sleep with my grandma and I’d probably be living with my uncles wife that doesn’t speak English and her daughter is extremely clingy and would probably beg me to play with her which I really don’t want because I enjoy my privacy and I enjoy my alone time like I’m sure plenty of others do, I’m not close with my uncle and I’d be embarrassing if I have to ask him to buy me pads since he’d be the only one working (I think?).
And I don’t even have much time to think of any of this because 1 - I was already told to start packing up. 2 - My uncle is gonna come soon before the borders close so I HAVE to go IF my dad signs the consent form for me to leave Rochester and to Canada (my mom and dad have part custody).
I don’t know what to do, I’m overwhelmed and I feel like I have no choice in any of this. It’s like they expect me to be strong but I’m only 16, FRESHLY 16. I haven’t been 16 for over a month yet. I’m so tired of feeling alone because I know how much language barriers there’s gonna be with everyone speaking Spanish and I have selective mutism (I’m Puerto Rican and I do understand Spanish but to a certain extent since no one really taught me Spanish or spoke Spanish to me). If I lose therapy I’m gonna lose all the help I have.
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Points of view
I also forgot to add that I have a cat at home. Who’s going to keep care of my cat if I’m not here? My mom? My aunt? What if they forget my cat. My cat is my heart, I can’t lose him.
it sounds really tough to be in your situation. moving to Canada and leaving everything behind, especially your therapist, is alarming. i'm not sure if cutting off therapy is the best idea, considering how much you're dealing with emotionally. does your family really understand how hard this move could be for you??? it's frustrating when people don't acknowledge mental health issues and think they know better. 😞 my cousin went through something similar, and it was hard for her to adjust without support. i just hope your dad considers your feelings before making any decisions... have you tried expressing your concerns to him???? it might help, even though it feels like no one is listening.
wow, that situation genuinely sounds like an overwhelming avalanche of stress and worry. i can’t even imagine how conflicted you must feel about leaving your therapist behind, especially when therapy's like the one anchor grounding you right now. losing your therapist amidst all this chaos is really unsettling. 😟
it's also disheartening when people dismiss mental health concerns like they're no big deal. my younger sibling had a similar experience, and it's a real struggle when the folks around you are saying "oh, you don't need that" when they haven't walked a mile in your shoes. having to adapt to a new environment with language barriers just adds another layer to the whole mess.
when you say "i feel like i have no choice," it's like you’re voicing a sentiment so many of us have felt at some stage. your voice deserves to be heard. maybe try giving your dad a real honest heart-to-heart about what's going on in your head, you know? just know that you’re not alone in this. always keep communicating how you feel, no matter how exhausting it gets.