So life has been going pretty well actually. I've been getting my grades up so I'll be able to graduate real soon, finally booking an appointment with a doctor so I can talk about therapy and hrt trans stuff. Already getting my glasses soon and I'll definitely look cool with them. I've been making jokes and my sister and mom laugh at them again, idk why I'm good at jokes again, nothing really changed except for like just doing more positive affirmations and manifestation stuff. I'm glad that part of me is back tho.

Ngl I need to change my hair but my sister wants me to wait it out, I've just been wearing a bandana thing which looks cool but like it's hot asf outside. I still haven't tried to make friends or a boyfriend, it's easy to do online but like idk, maybe I'm lazy. I low-key wouldn't mind going to appointments on my own, my mom kinda let me and I was fine, but I felt...idk like overdressed, didn't feel like an npc. The doctors didn't really speak too much directly too me or seem to take me too seriously, I think it's because I look childish and still have a kid voice, my mom points it out and also my style. It's nothing wild, I like alternative baggy clothes and I still like them. I wished I sounded more mature, I've been trying pronounce things differently or change my voice, making it deeper... doesn't really help. The reason I got insecure about my voice is because I recorded for a school project and I sounded nerdy or like something was wrong with me like I have some kind of vocal problem. I told my sister about it and she was like "you don't need to change it, you just need to accept it for the rest of your life" she's low-key wise.

I do wonder if I should take hrt, that would make me love life but my parents are homophobic and transphobic so like I'm scared. Idk when or how to come out, my plan was just to transition and then come home but...that seems like a bad idea as my parents are very much in my life so I feel like we would need to address the elephant in the room. I'm going from girl to guy so it would be noticable. If I have the opportunity to take hrt, should I?

My parents would have a bit of a crazy reaction but idk how crazy. My mom would just think it's because of trauma and be sweet or try to change me but my dad? That's some scary stuff, he's like low-key crazy, anger issues, hulk smashing everything, and would be very angry. When a queer family member lived here, he referred to her as the devil in his house. I'm lowkey already getting that tho because I said I have different beliefs plus being into rock/metal music and horror games so I have dark posters and stuff that he thinks is demonic. My room is pretty colorful tho.

Any advice is appreciated and I really hope you have a good day 🖤🩷 always be gentle to yourself, what's the point in hating yourself during the journey if you're going to the same destination regardless. <3

Take hrt?

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