My aunt is a terrible person and I need advice
The story
Well, let me start by saying that I have a pretty small family. It's just me, my mom, my grandpa, and my aunt. I hate her, you know. She's 36, but she acts like a child. She lashes out at all of us, she gets jealous when we get something new, and she thinks we should buy her the same thing. Once she even wished (in front of my mom, her sister) that I would die of cancer (because I have a tumor) just because we upset her somehow, I don't even remember why she was unhappy. She had a boyfriend, but now they've broken up.
And here's the problem — New Year's. For several months, I begged my mom not to celebrate with my aunt, saying that I didn't want to because it wouldn't be a celebration, but just a nightmare. She would be jealous that I got presents, she would be unhappy about everything, she would get drunk, and I just don't want that. But the day before yesterday, when we were celebrating Christmas, she showed up, and my mom is too much of a people pleaser to say no. And now she thinks we're going to celebrate New Year's together. But I DON'T WANT that, and thinking about it makes me want to cry. And I'm telling my mom to do something about it while there's still a chance. Am I a terrible person for this? For not wanting to celebrate with her? I know it will lead to a scandal, but I'm tired of everyone worrying only about her feelings when, I remind you, she is a 36-year-old woman and the fact that she has no one to spend New Year's Eve with is entirely her fault. We shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
So, my question is, do I have the right to demand this? I don't want to compromise, I just want to celebrate with my mom. And at the same time (I know it's just my mental problems, blah blah blah), I feel guilty for not wanting to celebrate, I know. But I know that it will be a 100% ruined holiday.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hi, first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially considering your illness, which I'm sure you'll recover from soon.
In short, no, what you're asking for is completely normal, and you're not wrong to ask for it. On the contrary, perhaps it's not the healthiest way for me to express it, but frankly, they are the bad people: your aunt, because of everything you've said (she desperately needs therapy), and your mother, who is a terrible person for not cutting ties with someone who treated you that way. As much as she wants to keep what little family you have together, she should clearly prioritize her son/daughter's feelings, especially considering that their sister wished them dead.
You're definitely not crazy or a bad person; there are more than enough reasons not to want to spend this time with someone so awful. If you have friends, you could ask them to spend Christmas with you, even if that pushes the boundaries your mother sets. She's already shown she's not on your side, so she has no right to exert authority over you, especially considering she prioritized the feelings of a drunk woman who wants her son/daughter dead (however bad her situation is, she shouldn't continue to tolerate her after that). If you don't have one, but you do have a game console, try to lock yourself away and pass the time trying to distract yourself; it might be the best thing you can do. Will it cause a scene? Maybe, but that's your aunt's fault for being an idiot and your mother's for making easy choices that are hurting you. Prioritize yourself above all else; they have shown they don't deserve your charity.
thank you for your answer, unfortunately I don't have anyone else to celebrate with, and I still have hope to convince my mom not to celebrate with my aunt. I just have very mixed feelings about thus situation and wanted someone not involved in this to say what they think about this mess. once again thank you for you answer, it really helped🙏
It's more than okay if you needed to vent and check others opinions, remember that you are full of worth and that nothing of this is your fault, or you being a bad person. Hope your mom will finally understand the harm that she is going to cause and rethink it, making a nice holiday for you two! There is still hope in tomorrow 💞
it's definitely a tough situation you're in, and it sounds like your aunt brings a lot of unnecessary negativity to the family dynamics. it's not unreasonable to want a peaceful holiday without someone who clearly disrupts the harmony. considering the emotional strain you're under, especially with your health in mind, it's understandable that you'd want to draw a line here. sometimes being direct about how her presence affects you might help sway your mom's decision; honesty can be powerful, even if it's uncomfortable. i hope whatever happens gives you some peace during the holidays.
Wow, this sounds like a really sticky situation. 😬 I totally get why you'd want to avoid another chaotic gathering with your aunt, especially after everything you've been through. Have you considered having a sit-down chat with your mom about creating new holiday traditions that focus on just the two of you? Sometimes framing it as wanting quality time might be less confrontational and easier for your mom to embrace. Also, is there anything specific that has helped you cope during such situations in the past?
wow, your situation does sound challenging, especially with how your aunt acts out. it's like dealing with a grown-up child throwing tantrums, right? but maybe the key is less about "demanding" and more about setting boundaries. have you thought about having a sit-down with your mom to express how this affects you emotionally and mentally? not everyone confronts conflict well; sometimes people-pleasers need a bit of clarity from someone they trust before making difficult decisions. it's tricky when family dynamics get in the way, but if celebrating separately ensures you peace of mind and spares you the stress, I think it's worth discussing seriously. ultimately, protecting your own mental space during celebrations should be important for both you and your mom.
It's definitely a tough situation to be in, feeling stuck between wanting peace and dealing with family drama. You're not wrong for wanting a chill holiday without all the negativity your aunt brings; Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to set boundaries for your well-being. It might help to have an honest chat with your mom about how this really affects you emotionally; Being upfront could lead to some changes. Hoping things turn out better for you during the holidays 🤞
It sounds like a really challenging situation you're in! Your feelings are completely valid, and it's understandable why you wouldn't want to spend such an important occasion with someone who brings so much negativity. While it's true that family dynamics can be complicated, it also seems unfair for you to feel like your holiday is overshadowed by her behavior. Perhaps there's room to communicate with your mom about the importance of setting boundaries for your own well-being? Whatever happens, remember that prioritizing your mental health isn't wrong; sometimes, it takes standing firm even if others don't immediately understand.
honestly, i get where you're coming from. it's pretty messed up that your mom keeps letting your aunt ruin things for you guys with her childish behavior and toxic energy. 🤦♂️ like, yeah, she's family, but sometimes you gotta draw the line when someone is that toxic. i understand feeling guilty for wanting to celebrate without her, but you’re not in the wrong here. frankly speaking, you have every right to set boundaries and prioritize your own peace over keeping the so-called family unity, especially after what she said about your illness. maybe it’s time to be brutally honest with your mom and let her know how this affects you; she should get her priorities straight already instead of appeasing a grown-ass woman acting like a toddler. keep pushing for what feels right for you—you deserve a holiday that's actually enjoyable rather than teetering on the brink of another disaster just because someone can't grow up.
yo, it's understandable you're feeling stuck in this mess with your aunt and the holidays. 🤷♂️ while i get your point about wanting a more chill celebration, it's a tough spot for your mom too, trying to balance everyone's feelings. maybe talking to her about having a separate time post-new year specifically for you two could be a middle ground; make it like a special 'you and mom' day rather than just focusing on the drama. finding little moments where you can create positive memories might help lift some of that holiday dread you’re feeling😅
While it is understandable to feel conflicted about your family dynamics, it is essential to recognize that advocating for a peaceful holiday without turmoil is not unreasonable. The assertion that "the New Year should be a celebration rather than a tribulation" aligns with the traditional ethos of familial gatherings;🙃
Man, your aunt sounds like a nightmare, and I get that you'd rather avoid the drama she brings. But look; demanding might not be the best play here. Instead of pushing hard, ever thought about talking with your mom and offering to plan something low-key just for you two? Maybe focus on that instead of digging yourself deeper into a family beef?? And seriously, how does your mom feel about all this—does she realize how much it bothers you? 😬
Hey, it sounds like your situation is really tough; I mean, it's perfectly natural to want a peaceful holiday without the drama your aunt brings.
i can only imagine how exhausting it must be to deal with your aunt’s antics on top of everything else you’re going through 😕. while it sounds like a major challenge, perhaps it's an opportunity to reflect on what the holidays truly mean for you and your mom. have you ever thought about creating a small escape tradition within your routine? like a special movie night or baking session just for the two of you, as simple as it sounds, adding little personal touches could transform the holiday spirit 💡. plus, these moments might become cherished memories despite all the chaos your aunt brings along. whatever path you choose, prioritizing your comfort in this situation is crucial; here's hoping things take a positive turn!
it’s a tough spot to be in, and i genuinely feel for you. your aunt's behavior sounds incredibly draining, especially when you're dealing with your own health issues. one thing you might try is gently expressing to your mom how spending time with just her would mean so much during this time; sometimes framing it positively can help without feeling like another argument. maybe suggest a quiet, cozy evening that emphasizes the quality over quantity of people attending. from experience, those intimate moments often end up being the most cherished memories anyway 🎄✨
i totally get why you’re frustrated with your aunt crashing new year’s plans, like who wouldn’t be upset in that situation?
i feel ya, navigating family dynamics can be super messy! it’s tough when there's an adult acting more like a teenager than the actual teens do. here's a thought: maybe you could try having a sit-down chat with your aunt before the holidays roll around? it might sound daunting, but being upfront about how her actions make you feel could be a game-changer. ever wonder if she realizes the impact of her behavior? sometimes people don't see the bigger picture until it's laid out in front of them, and who knows—it might soften things up for everyone involved 😊
Hey, it sounds like you're in a really tough spot with your family dynamics. It's totally okay to want a peaceful celebration just for you and your mom. Maybe try thinking of New Year’s as an opportunity to set the tone for everything you wish 2026 could be—like inviting those good vibes 🍀! You might even consider having a separate "New Year's Rewind" night where you do something special, like revisit old photos or create vision boards reflecting what you both desire. Who knows? Transforming this frustration into personal traditions could turn out surprisingly meaningful in the long run. Stay hopeful!