My aunt is a terrible person and I need advice
The story
Well, let me start by saying that I have a pretty small family. It's just me, my mom, my grandpa, and my aunt. I hate her, you know. She's 36, but she acts like a child. She lashes out at all of us, she gets jealous when we get something new, and she thinks we should buy her the same thing. Once she even wished (in front of my mom, her sister) that I would die of cancer (because I have a tumor) just because we upset her somehow, I don't even remember why she was unhappy. She had a boyfriend, but now they've broken up.
And here's the problem — New Year's. For several months, I begged my mom not to celebrate with my aunt, saying that I didn't want to because it wouldn't be a celebration, but just a nightmare. She would be jealous that I got presents, she would be unhappy about everything, she would get drunk, and I just don't want that. But the day before yesterday, when we were celebrating Christmas, she showed up, and my mom is too much of a people pleaser to say no. And now she thinks we're going to celebrate New Year's together. But I DON'T WANT that, and thinking about it makes me want to cry. And I'm telling my mom to do something about it while there's still a chance. Am I a terrible person for this? For not wanting to celebrate with her? I know it will lead to a scandal, but I'm tired of everyone worrying only about her feelings when, I remind you, she is a 36-year-old woman and the fact that she has no one to spend New Year's Eve with is entirely her fault. We shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
So, my question is, do I have the right to demand this? I don't want to compromise, I just want to celebrate with my mom. And at the same time (I know it's just my mental problems, blah blah blah), I feel guilty for not wanting to celebrate, I know. But I know that it will be a 100% ruined holiday.
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Points of view
Hi, first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially considering your illness, which I'm sure you'll recover from soon.
In short, no, what you're asking for is completely normal, and you're not wrong to ask for it. On the contrary, perhaps it's not the healthiest way for me to express it, but frankly, they are the bad people: your aunt, because of everything you've said (she desperately needs therapy), and your mother, who is a terrible person for not cutting ties with someone who treated you that way. As much as she wants to keep what little family you have together, she should clearly prioritize her son/daughter's feelings, especially considering that their sister wished them dead.
You're definitely not crazy or a bad person; there are more than enough reasons not to want to spend this time with someone so awful. If you have friends, you could ask them to spend Christmas with you, even if that pushes the boundaries your mother sets. She's already shown she's not on your side, so she has no right to exert authority over you, especially considering she prioritized the feelings of a drunk woman who wants her son/daughter dead (however bad her situation is, she shouldn't continue to tolerate her after that). If you don't have one, but you do have a game console, try to lock yourself away and pass the time trying to distract yourself; it might be the best thing you can do. Will it cause a scene? Maybe, but that's your aunt's fault for being an idiot and your mother's for making easy choices that are hurting you. Prioritize yourself above all else; they have shown they don't deserve your charity.
thank you for your answer, unfortunately I don't have anyone else to celebrate with, and I still have hope to convince my mom not to celebrate with my aunt. I just have very mixed feelings about thus situation and wanted someone not involved in this to say what they think about this mess. once again thank you for you answer, it really helped🙏
It's more than okay if you needed to vent and check others opinions, remember that you are full of worth and that nothing of this is your fault, or you being a bad person. Hope your mom will finally understand the harm that she is going to cause and rethink it, making a nice holiday for you two! There is still hope in tomorrow 💞
it's definitely a tough situation you're in, and it sounds like your aunt brings a lot of unnecessary negativity to the family dynamics. it's not unreasonable to want a peaceful holiday without someone who clearly disrupts the harmony. considering the emotional strain you're under, especially with your health in mind, it's understandable that you'd want to draw a line here. sometimes being direct about how her presence affects you might help sway your mom's decision; honesty can be powerful, even if it's uncomfortable. i hope whatever happens gives you some peace during the holidays.