My entire life is going wrong and idk what to do about it
The story
Idk. Everything that i was terrified of is happening. If my younger self met current me she would cry or think im insane.
Like first of all theres my grades. Like not to brag but i used to be smart. Like smart smart. Like i skiped a grade when i was younger top 5% of my grade type shi. I was that anoying kid who like cried if she got a 85%. Im not kidding i got a panic attack over a 75% once. And then my grandma got cancer. And then the whole family was fighting and everyone told me my grades were the only reason my grandma was getting better. because i gave her smt to hope for. So i was like 12 and studying till like midnight and waking up at 4am to study and skiping dinner and recess and rushing lunch to study. I was forgettign about the bathroom to study.
But I liked it yk???? For some reason. Cuz like when i had perfect gradesmy grandma would like stop everything to listnen to me yap for HOURS. Or me and my mom would hang out all the time. And my dad took me out all the time. And ik it kinda made me bratty back then but i got TONS of presents. And it was like everyone listened to me and not my brother who used to get bad grades.
And then SOMETHING happaned. Idk i went to travel for vacation. Like a whole month resting, and i came back and i couldent focus. Like out of nowhere. I just couldent. My brain would space out whenever i tried to focus. And i wasent even thinking about important things. It was like percy jackson or kpop or when its acceptable to cross the street if a car is coming or like how a world would work if u needed to take a bath before midnight or u would die idk. Or i would obsess over my nails or my fingers or my scalp and like be picking on them untill they were bleeding.
And so my grades where dropping ofc. But now its to the point where im failing 4 subjects. Subjects i like!!! BADLY. And my brother is the one slaying now so he gets all the attention. And i only do good in english and a bit in spanish.
And im bi and ace and its not like my parents care?? they just know im bi but they ignore it every time i talk about a girl its insane and it feels like their ignoring this thing that took me 5 years to accept ebcuz it makes them uncomftarble. Its not like they even ask questions. My mom says it dosent make a diference and she complains that i have labels exept when i think a girl is cute she just ignores it???!!
And i cant eat properly and i either eat too much or dont wanna eat berally anything for days, i dont have the energy to do everything im obsessive im messy im anoying idk how to do anything my mom fucking calls me autiistic and i cant fucking cry about anything the last 4 years it feels like im losing people all the time and i hate myself and i dont even wanna kms cuz it feels like im already dead.
It feels like theres a hole in my chest all the time and i wish i could drown and melt into my bed
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Points of view
I feel like maybe it’s really relatable how those childhood expectations can weigh so heavily, you know, especially when tied to family dynamics and past achievements.
Man, that's rough, like when your past achievements feel like they define you and everyone just shifts expectations without a care about what you're going through.
It's wild how life twists and turns like that, right? You got all this pressure laid on you from such a young age, it's no wonder things are crashing down now. Honestly, it's so unfair to put that kind of weight on a kid's shoulders. I can relate to feeling invisible when everyone else gets the spotlight instead. And the way your parents brush off your identity is just messed up... It'd drive anyone insane. Stay strong and screw what anyone else thinks!
im trying to but its kindaa hard lol
sounds like you've been carrying a ton of pressure for so long. it's wild how family expectations can mess with your headspace, right? and those shifts in focus, they're like signals that maybe something needs to change. 🤔 ever thought about talking to someone outside the fam? sometimes an outsider can give you a fresh angle on things. hang in there!
not to undermine your experience, but it seems like your struggle with maintaining focus and the pressure from family expectations has become overwhelming, speaking as someone who’s had a similar phase in life (a time when my own parents didn't fully grasp my interests or struggles), sometimes our brains just crave a break from the constant grind...
Your story highlights some challenging dynamics. The enormous pressure you felt to perform academically, especially tying it to your grandma's health, is a lot for anyone to manage; I think that pressure could really mess with anyone's head. It sounds like taking that break from studying triggered something where you finally let yourself relax... but when the stress was gone everything just fell apart. And now these identity struggles and lack of support make it even tougher to find your footing 😕 It's important to acknowledge how you've grown by understanding yourself more deeply (even if others don't get it yet) so hopefully through this chaos you'll find some peace 💪
Man, that sounds rough. I remember when I was in high school, I went through a similar phase where my grades tanked after my parents got into a huge fight; it was like my brain just shut down. Took me forever to feel even remotely okay about it. And the whole thing with your parents and not acknowledging your bisexuality? That's gotta be frustrating. Just take things one step at a time; sometimes that's all we can do 🤷♂️.
sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and i get that it can feel overwhelming. sometimes when we're younger, we have this almost idealized version of what our future should look like, but life has a funny way of veering off course. as someone who's been through the struggles with academic pressure and family issues, i can say it's important to give yourself some grace. there could be underlying factors at play, maybe something like ADHD or anxiety that's affecting your ability to concentrate; don't hesitate to reach out for professional guidance if you think it might help.
and about the whole sexuality thing, it's frustrating when family doesn't acknowledge something so crucial to your identity. keep in mind that their discomfort is a reflection on them, not you. "to each his own" ring any bells? just remember you're valid in who you are and how you feel. things do change over time! 🎈
It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, balancing family expectations and personal struggles. It's wild how things can change so quickly when you’re expected to be the same overachiever you once were. Remember, it's okay not to have it all figured out right now; everyone goes through ups and downs, even if it feels like you're alone in this.
Sounds like a total mindfuck when your life just flips 180, right?
realll
You know, it's honestly ridiculous how much families can unknowingly pile pressure onto kids. 🙄 It's like, hey, no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed with all that responsibility dumped on you—like your grades were the glue holding everything together. I went through something similar when everyone was constantly comparing me to my "successful" older sibling. It really messes up your headspace and motivation when everything's about maintaining an image rather than what's actually going on inside. And concerning your parents disregarding who you are, that's just straight-up dismissive. Everyone deserves to be seen for who they truly are without feeling uncomfortable in their own skin around people who should support them. You’re not alone there!
damn, that's a lot to deal with. sounds like you were under some crazy pressure as a kid and now the burnout is hitting hard. it's like everyone just cares about what grades reflect instead of checking in on how you're actually doing; people can be clueless sometimes. honestly, your parents should be paying more attention to who you are becoming beyond academics or anything else they only seem to notice. maybe finding a way to express yourself outside these expectations might help, idk 🤷♂️
Yo, it really sucks when you're busting your ass for grades and then everything spirals out of control like that 😤.
It's tough when you feel like life has changed so drastically, and it sucks that it doesn't seem like you have enough space to be yourself and explore what makes you happy without all that stress from family expectations.