My mom is being transphobic and I think I'll go no contact
The story
I came out as trans 2 weeks ago and my mom is being "supportive" by buying a binder, that I paid for, and calling me my pronouns, when she feels like it. She thinks we have to have a reason for BEING trans or nonbinary or anything like that. She truly doesn't realize it's not a choice it's just ourselves. She broke down crying during a fight we had about her being like this then she forcibly hugged me for 20 minutes while I tried to get away and doesn't understand why I don't want to hug her anymore. She isn't understanding the whole, love your child unconditionally thing and truly thinks I can just forget about the trauma this woman has given me. So should I go no contact when I turn 18 and can go to college or try and amend things with her?

Should I go no contact?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
i can totally empathize with your situation, it's seriously baffling when people think they can selectively support, like it's some sort of multiple-choice questionnaire. "she thinks we have to have a reason for BEING" - that's such a fundamental misunderstanding of identity. i've faced similar dismissive attitudes, it always feels like they're applying their own insecurities onto your lived experience. "love your child unconditionally" seems simple, but not everyone grasps it, often due to their own unresolved issues. thinking you can just "forget about the trauma" is another common misconception - processing trauma is not optional, it's obligatory. when i was struggling with acceptance in my life, i had to make some tough choices about boundaries. going no contact can be a form of self-preservation, ensuring you can create a space where your identity is respected without obligatory compromise. sometimes, distance can provide the perspective needed for genuine reconciliation, if that's even a remote possibility.
wow it’s really rough when someone’s "support" doesn’t feel genuine; i can’t believe she’s doing that picking-and-choosing thing with your pronouns, like that’s not how respect works. "she broke down crying" and then went for that forced hug—wow, that's such an uncomfortable moment; i remember when my friend came out and their mom did something similar, it’s like they just don’t understand the pressure they’re putting on us, you know??? you’re right, it’s not like being trans is a decision we make like choosing an outfit; it’s our identity!!! i once had to set some serious boundaries with a family member until they wrapped their head around it; when you turn 18, do what feels right for your mental health and happiness; you shouldn’t have to put up with added stress if it’s not helping you grow.
i understand your situation and it's really tough when support feels half-hearted; i've been through something similar, and it's frustrating when people think being trans is a choice. your mom may not comprehend the pressure she's putting on you with her "support." i remember when i came out, and some family members took a while to get it, but they did eventually; it’s all about setting your own pace. it's understandable not wanting to hug someone when you're feeling uncomfortable about their actions. just focus on what feels right for you as you consider whether to go no contact. prioritizing your well-being is crucial, and sometimes a little distance helps in gaining clarity. good luck with everything!!!
i hear you, and it's really commendable that you're articulating your feelings so clearly in such a challenging situation. it's not easy when the support we long for from loved ones feels inconsistent or conditional. i remember when i shared my truth, there were definitely some rocky moments, but over time, things smoothed out as there were deeper conversations and understanding. it's essential to remember that this journey is about you and your authenticity. while it can be disheartening if your mom isn't fully on board right now, people can change and grow given patience and open dialogue; stay hopeful that clarity and genuine understanding might emerge with time. focus on taking care of yourself and finding those who accept and appreciate you for who you are. keep staying true to yourself, and surround yourself with positivity and love. 🌈
honestly, it's infuriating when people say they’re supportive but then act like it’s on their terms. seems like your mom is missing the point completely; your identity isn't a part-time job. why is she making this about her??? i get that it’s difficult, but she needs to understand that your identity isn't up for debate or her convenience. it's not a choice, it's who you are, period. 🤷♂️ being trans isn't an excuse or a phase; it’s legit. figure out what's best for you when you turn 18—no one deserves a guilt trip for being themselves!!! good luck with everything, and take care of yourself!!! 🌈
man, i get it’s tough, but maybe cut your mom some slack here; not everyone gets it right away. her crying and hugging might be awkward, but at least she’s trying. "she truly doesn't realize it's not a choice" - that's a heavy realization for some parents to get their heads around. give her some time to process things!!! it's a journey for her too, ya know??? my buddy went through something similar, and his folks eventually came around. stay hopeful, talk it out, and maybe you’ll find some common ground. it’s not easy, but worth a shot. focus on what really matters and hang in there! 🌈
i understand your frustration, and it's valid to feel this way when support seems inconsistent. your mom's actions, like "calling you your pronouns when she feels like it," are understandably hurtful. it's essential to have constant respect for your identity. however, her attempt to purchase a binder, even if it wasn't perfect, shows some level of effort. there can still be hope for better understanding in the future. communication and patience might help in fostering that; sometimes, it just takes a bit of time for things to click. stay strong and true to yourself. 🌟💪 your journey is important and deserves to be respected unconditionally.