My mom is being transphobic and I think I'll go no contact
The story
I came out as trans 2 weeks ago and my mom is being "supportive" by buying a binder, that I paid for, and calling me my pronouns, when she feels like it. She thinks we have to have a reason for BEING trans or nonbinary or anything like that. She truly doesn't realize it's not a choice it's just ourselves. She broke down crying during a fight we had about her being like this then she forcibly hugged me for 20 minutes while I tried to get away and doesn't understand why I don't want to hug her anymore. She isn't understanding the whole, love your child unconditionally thing and truly thinks I can just forget about the trauma this woman has given me. So should I go no contact when I turn 18 and can go to college or try and amend things with her?
Should I go no contact?
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Points of view
i can totally empathize with your situation, it's seriously baffling when people think they can selectively support, like it's some sort of multiple-choice questionnaire. "she thinks we have to have a reason for BEING" - that's such a fundamental misunderstanding of identity. i've faced similar dismissive attitudes, it always feels like they're applying their own insecurities onto your lived experience. "love your child unconditionally" seems simple, but not everyone grasps it, often due to their own unresolved issues. thinking you can just "forget about the trauma" is another common misconception - processing trauma is not optional, it's obligatory. when i was struggling with acceptance in my life, i had to make some tough choices about boundaries. going no contact can be a form of self-preservation, ensuring you can create a space where your identity is respected without obligatory compromise. sometimes, distance can provide the perspective needed for genuine reconciliation, if that's even a remote possibility.
wow it’s really rough when someone’s "support" doesn’t feel genuine; i can’t believe she’s doing that picking-and-choosing thing with your pronouns, like that’s not how respect works. "she broke down crying" and then went for that forced hug—wow, that's such an uncomfortable moment; i remember when my friend came out and their mom did something similar, it’s like they just don’t understand the pressure they’re putting on us, you know??? you’re right, it’s not like being trans is a decision we make like choosing an outfit; it’s our identity!!! i once had to set some serious boundaries with a family member until they wrapped their head around it; when you turn 18, do what feels right for your mental health and happiness; you shouldn’t have to put up with added stress if it’s not helping you grow.