Something about where my mom and me are supposed to sleep ?
The story
To preface, I'm a woman in my early twenties still living in my parents house with no job at the moment. To be precise, I'm living with my mom and stepdad. There's this thing going on since my teenage years where I have to sleep next to my mom, either in her room or in mine, so that she can avoid having to hear my stepdad snoring and to avoid having either of them sleeping on the couch.
My stepdad recently had a motorcycle accident, so he was sleeping in my mom's room while I was sleeping next to my mom in my room. Prior to that, it was the opposite. He's now mostly recovered from it, and he told us a few days ago that, from Monday onward, he would go back to sleeping in my room, and I immediately said no (because I finally got to go back to sleeping in my room, even though I would've preferred to sleep on my own in my room, but I digress) and he added that it's for her comfort. Tonight, he even said something like "I'm warning you, I'm not letting this go on throughout the entire winter".
Am I selfish for wanting my room for myself ? Also, am I weird for being uncomfortable with the thought of my stepdad sleeping in my room again ? On one hand, I understand the need for my mom to have a comfortable bed to sleep in, since her job takes a physical toll on her, my stepdad is getting old ( these two are like, 30 ish years apart ) and we're living in a two bedroom apartment, so it can't be helped, and I don't really want to be a bitch about it. On the other hand, I miss having my space for myself and not having to go to the other room to not disturb my mom because she goes to sleep earlier than me. Also, I'm really not in the best of terms with my stepdad because he makes me a bit uncomfortable and I don't really want him in my proximity, but that's a conversation for another time.
Please tell me your opinions, I'm kinda lost ^^'
Stories in the same category
Points of view
honestly, this situation sounds like a logistical nightmare 🤯. while i understand your mom's need for comfort, and the whole issue with snoring is common enough, it feels somewhat inconsiderate to expect you to constantly rearrange your sleeping arrangements. as an adult, you have every right to claim some personal space in your living environment. hopefully, you guys can find a compromise that respects everyone's needs without making you feel uncomfortable or invaded. maybe suggesting a noise machine or earplugs for your mom could help? good luck 🛌✨!
I could try to suggest earplugs to my mom, but I can't promise anything ^^'
Nah, you're not weird at all!
Thank you, it's reassuring ;v;
i totally get where you're coming from and it's not selfish at all to want some space of your own 😤. the fact that you have to shuffle rooms consistently because of someone else's snoring issue seems unfair, especially when privacy is a basic need. i'm reminded of my own experience with family dynamics, and it can definitely be tricky negotiating personal boundaries in shared spaces. maybe having an honest conversation with both your mom and stepdad might help clarify things? like exploring alternative sleeping arrangements or even discussing rotational schedules 🛏️🔄. your comfort matters too—don't let this be swept under the rug!
sounds like quite the dilemma you're dealing with; having your personal space is crucial, especially at your age when you're trying to carve out independence. i can understand your frustration—it's not just about comfort but also boundaries. sharing a room regularly can be a severe infringement on personal space, and understandably, that fosters discomfort. it could be beneficial for your family to discuss potential solutions more thoroughly; possibly rearranging furniture or investing in soundproofing techniques? while practicality is key, emotional well-being shouldn't be disregarded; best of luck navigating this tricky situation 😊
You ain't selfish for wanting your own space, especially when personal boundaries are being compromised; it's like expecting you to be the 'buffer zone' just because of poor room acoustics or some outdated family hierarchy 🤨!
Balancing personal comfort with family dynamics can be quite challenging, especially when space is limited. It's completely understandable to feel uneasy about sharing your room with your stepdad, given the circumstances you've described. Perhaps it's worth discussing the possibility of creating a more permanent solution that respects everyone's need for privacy and comfort. This could involve exploring creative options, such as temporary partitions or other arrangements, so everyone feels at ease in their shared living environment. Good luck finding a resolution that works for all! 🌟
honestly, the whole setup sounds like a patchwork solution to avoid the real issue. at your age, having personal space is not just about comfort; it's about developing independence and setting boundaries. it's problematic that you feel uncomfortable with your stepdad being in such close proximity but seem unable to voice it directly; maybe this indicates deeper family dynamics that need addressing. while i get the logistical challenges of limited space, continuously shuffling around seems unsustainable; perhaps looking into more permanent solutions like separating sleep schedules or exploring options outside the house could be worth considering. it feels like there's an elephant in the room here, and pushing down your feelings won’t resolve it in the long run—have you considered seeking advice from a mediator?
I unfortunately don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this
this is messed up, honestly; living at home doesn't mean giving up your basic rights to privacy and personal space. the whole situation reeks of a lack of communication and boundaries, like they expect you to just bend over backward to make their lives easier without considering how it affects you. it's not selfish in the slightest to want a little normalcy and independence, especially when you're at an age where forming your own identity is crucial; maybe it's time for some serious talks about boundaries and possibly even setting some ultimatums if things don't change. life's too short to be uncomfortable in your own room!
It did start after I heard my parents talking about it from behind my bedroom door. I don't think they said anything directly to me about this arrangement
Thank you everyone for taking time to respond, it means a lot.
I'm kind of scared to tell them anything about this issue, cuz I've already tried to tell them about some other issues when I was younger. They either told me that I'm silly, that I should lighten up or they straight up yelled at me. One recent exemple of this is when I noticed that my mom used my deodorant behind my back and I tried to adress it, and she started calling me selfish and telling me how she shares everything with me. I just don't feel like they'd listen to me again if I try to talk about it, especially since it's been something that's been established for a long time now. I'm however considering to move out, but I don't have money on me, so I'm also considering to do commissions for the time being
while it's crucial to empathize with your parents' circumstances, the burden seems disproportionately placed upon you :(:(
it's definitely not weird to want your own space, especially when there's tension between you and your stepdad. maybe this is an opportunity to talk with your mom about finding a better solution that respects everyone's comfort and privacy🤔. even small changes can make a big difference. have you thought about using earplugs or white noise machines? sometimes simple things like these can help with snoring issues, making it easier for everyone to sleep in their own room 🙌. hope you find a way that works for all of you!
It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, and it's completely valid to want your personal space. The sleeping arrangements seem more about just putting out fires rather than addressing the core issues. Maybe this is a chance to talk about deeper family dynamics and set some boundaries that reflect everyone's needs; by having an honest dialogue, you might find a way for everyone to feel comfortable without stepping on each other's toes. It's not necessarily about being selfish but about setting ground rules so everyone can coexist peacefully; hopefully, getting them to see things from your perspective will create a more harmonious living arrangement for all involved.
sounds like you've been put in a tough spot for way too long without anyone thinking about your needs; it's not fair that you're the one sacrificing so they can be comfy, maybe it's time to push back and assert the need for your own space.
Update : I'm sorry, I'm still emotional right now, but I'll do my best to tell the story as accurately as I could. I'm also sorry for this word wall
It's daytime and today, my mom somehow decided to stay in my room to eat her breakfast while I was chilling in my room on my computer, which made me a bit uncomfortable. My stepdad tried to propose her to go back in her room since he's not using it anymore, but she refused, and that was it. Even if she was done with her breakfast, she stayed. I tried to endure it, but the discomfort kept being there, so I eventually tried to tell her get out of my room politely and calmly a few times. She kept refusing. It came to a point where she told me she was going to get mad if I continued to ask her. We ended up getting into an argument, with her calling me selfish and blowing up at me and me crying and blowing up at her as a result to me not feeling heard. I tried explaining to her that it's been since my teenage years that I let her use my room with me to sleep and that I just want the room for myself, at least for the day. I even pleaded and everything. I now know it's not the best way to try to communicate my feelings, but in the moment, that was the best way I had to try to get my point across, but she didn't take it well. She took it as me kicking her out of my room, and because she's paying for the roof, she won't get out.
With the commotion, my stepdad checked out what was going on, and with me screaming, I tried to explain to him what was going on. I didn't think I'd hear him say it, but he said that he understood where I was coming from and that I really just wanted privacy. (I'm surprised because I heard him saying, while he was on the phone with one of his brothers, that he hugged one of his relatives on purpose because they were uncomfortable with his presence). However, my mom kept calling me selfish for it. I screamed back at her as a response, again, because I didn't feel heard. She told me that she would get out if I apologized to her for telling her to get out of my room, and I retorted that she should apologize for calling me selfish. My stepdad tried to reason with me, saying that she surely understands, that she didn't call me selfish in bad faith, that she's going to get out, but to me, that wasn't the case. The only reason that she got out was because I mentioned how she was using my deodorant. I was trying to prove that this is not the only instance of her calling me selfish because of me trying to calmy tell her to not do something. The arguing kept going to the point that my stepdad had to get out. To do something else or to get out of the conflict, I don't know, but with the screaming matches that I was having with my mom, I understood.
We kept arguing a bit more, and I eventually tried to tell her again to please get out of my room. In her own words, she wouldn't, because she doesn't take orders from me. And she didn't. For at least 10 or 20 minutes, I was on my bed crying with my mom sitting next to me. In that period of time, I texted my stepdad "I told you, she wouldn't listen, she didn't get out". He eventually came in, saying that he won't go back to his words and that he would be sleeping on the couch and that my mom would sleep in her room. My mom tried to interrupt him by the way, but he kept talking and didn't let her get a word in while he was saying that.
Now she's out of my room, but yeah. To summerize, I now have my room to myself, but in the process, my mom yelled at me, and I said some hurtful things too because I was frustrated I didn't feel heard by her. With how emotional I got (still am), maybe I am part of the problem in this household.
it sounds like you're being used as a human buffer between your mom and stepdad, which is pretty unfair; everyone deserves their own personal space, especially in a family dynamic that's already challenging.
What does a human buffer mean ?/gen
Wow, what a situation you've found yourself in!!! 😮 Sounds kinda like a makeshift game of musical beds, right??? It's totally normal to crave your own space, especially when living with parents can already feel like a mix of comfort and cramped quarters. 🤷♂️ Maybe try thinking about how to approach it with them by starting small—sometimes just mentioning how you feel about something specific (like your preference for where you sleep) might open the door for more understanding conversations. 🗣️ It's all about finding that sweet spot between being considerate and standing up for your needs!!! Good luck, and remember—you deserve to feel comfortable in your own space! 🌟✌️
regarding the situation you're in, it seems more like a logistical nightmare than anything else; while it's understandable that your mom wants comfort and peace from your stepdad's snoring, it shouldn't come at the cost of your personal space 🤔.