My mom tried to stab me
The story
trigger warning for attempted stabbing, suicidal ideation, and mental illnesses I.E schizophrenia and psychosis.
I feel kinda awkward using this, but i need to get this off my chest.
for some backstory, my mother has diagnosed schizophrenia and psychosis, and she also never stays on her meds. which led to two weeks ago, where she had a psychotic episode. She was going on about killing herself and leaving so she could, I was trying to stop her from doing so because she's my fucking mother and I don't want her to die. I guess she must've stared hallucinating because she eventually stormed into the kitchen and grabbed one of the sharp kitchen knives, holding it above her head with the point in line with me where my shoulder meets my neck. She looked at me, and her eyes were just cold and far away and swung the knife. I was able to grab her arm before it could actually hurt me. that seemed to snap her out of wherever she was because she then turned the knife on herself to try and stab her instead. I had to wrestle the knife out of her hand and lock all of the knives and scissors in our China cabinet while she was distracted. Not to mention how my dad wasn't even home and my mom just barged into our house. I'm just lucky no one got hurt and that my little sister (the middle child) was with her friend and my youngest sister was still at school. But at the same time, because she's schizophrenic, my family keeps telling me I shouldn't be upset because she didn't do it on purpose, they keep downplaying it and getting mad at me whenever I bring it up. i just don't know what to do, I keep seeing the look in her eyes whenever I close my eyes and my brain keeps playing it over and over. I've gotten like four hours of sleep total during the past four days. I feel so guilty for being scared and upset about this because I know it's not her, it's her mental illnesses. and I have diagnosed mental illnesses too so I get that. But I'm being forced to pretend like everything's normal, I still see her on saturdays and tuesdays and I still go to work. it's gotten to the point I have to go to the bathroom at work just to cry. and it's stupid because she's done worse to me so I don't know why this time it's affecting me so much. it's not like being forced to pretend it's normal is new either. I've been doing this since I was five, so why is this time so much harder? Why can't I just push it down like I normally do? Why is this the one that seems to affect me so much when she's done much worse to me before? I just wish it would all stop.

Stories in the same category
Points of view
i get that you're dealing with a lot right now and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by the situation with your mom. mental health is such a complex issue and managing it can be really challenging, both for the person experiencing it and their family. it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid, even if your family downplays them; having a different perspective, though, might help you process this more; hallucinations and psychotic episodes can be really frightening, but remember that your mom didn't choose this behavior consciously. at the same time, it doesn't negate the impact it's having on you. i'm really sorry you're going through this, and i hope you're able to find some support and relief soon. maybe consider finding someone like a therapist who could give you some tools to handle these moments better?
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this... It sounds like your mom was having a really rough time, and mental illness is no joke. It's tricky, but have you thought about reaching out to a mental health professional for some help for yourself? You deserve support too!
mental health challenges can definitely make things look scarier than they are. i've found that when people are having these episodes, they're not always aware of their actions, and that could be part of what’s going on. it seems like your family's focus on downplaying it might be their way to cope, even if it's not what you need. have you considered talking to them directly about how you're feeling; sharing your perspective might ease some tension. i hope things settle down soon, and you find a bit of peace in all this chaos.