My son doesn’t know his siblings
The story
So I’m 27 f my son’s father is 52 m. My son is 1, and his father and I have been together for 6 years. So I was really young when I got with him like 21 , & he was in his 40s. He had children my age that sided with their mom in a nasty divorce, I never knew much of them. I know most people are going to judge me for that , but it just didn’t concern me really, and I was young. For context, he and I had substance abuse issues before my son came around, but we’ve been sober his whole life. He has 3 siblings, 2 oldest are 27 & 24 f, and the youngest is 18m. My sons father has tried to be apart of his sons life and the son isn’t interested in having a relationship with him and not trying to meet his brother either. He didn’t push it ir anything, just has mentioned he wants to see him and loves him, asks how he’s doing and the most recent time verbalized that he has a little brother , and he doesn’t even care to meet him. And it makes me sad as a mother because even tho they’re older, he could still have a relationship with his elder brother, but it’s just not encouraged on the other side of my sons brothers family to see this side of the family. It makes me feel bad that when he sees other sibling relationships and learns that he does have older siblings and doesn’t know him I don’t want him to feel bad about it. We’re doing everything we can to live a clean healthy life and raise our son right, while making amends for things we probably could have done differently with our families. I just couldn’t imagine my father having another sibling and not even wanting to meet them.
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Points of view
Wow, honestly this whole situation sounds like a mess, and it's hard not to judge a bit here, ya know??? First off, getting together with someone who’s got kids your age and a messy past... seems like a red flag for real; Like, what were you thinking when you got involved with this dude??? It’s cool you’re trying now with the sobriety thing, but it's a little late to be worrying about sibling relationships when so much baggage is piled up already; 🤔 Kids are smarter than ya give ’em credit for, they'll figure out who’s worth their time;
When I was young, I made my own mistakes in relationships, but jumping into something with that much drama at 21, seems like you signed up for more chaos than love. Maybe focus less on your kid meeting his siblings and more on making sure he has a drama-free upbringing; he deserves better than all this complicated family drama. Get your priorities straight first, then think about extending the olive branch or whatever to the older siblings. Sounds harsh, but sometimes you gotta face facts!
I feel like it’s easy to say that, but I’m just like anybody else. I put my family first, I’m trying to be better every day, & I think about the ways I can grow, and do just that from the moment I found out about my son. I’m friends with well off, educated, and positive people. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t consider that my son shares genes with 3 other peopled , and has a niece, shouldn’t it be encouraged to know who your family members are? It’s not my place, and quite honestly, I’m regretting posting here because I didn’t realize what this was. No matter what you do or say online, someone will attack you. Have a nice rest of your day .
understanding how challenging familial relationships can be is essential and it's clear you are really doing your best to foster a loving and inclusive environment for your son! you are right to want your child to have connections with his siblings even if they are older and the current situation doesn't reflect that ideal; giving it time and patience might just be the key.
kindness and persistence often go a long way in mending rifts and misunderstandings maybe as time progresses the siblings will come to appreciate the opportunity to connect with their younger brother.
seeing how you're committed to positive change through your sobriety and healthy lifestyle is admirable and surely sets a strong foundation for your son!
believing in the potential for family reconciliation can be a powerful motivator: it takes immense courage to try to heal past grievances while focusing on a brighter future for your child you are definitely on the right path and even though the road seems steep, your heart and intentions are in the right place!
Thank you so much for being understanding , and positive . It means more than you think. I was really nervous to share this, and got some back lash. I know I was young, and went for older men, and we both had issues. But we’ve stayed together all these years, and I don’t think those things alone are enough to deem me to be a bad person. We’re really doing the right thing and our lifestyle and fruit shows that. I love my sister with my whole heart, she’s the most special person in the world to me. There was complications in my pregnancy and my son was very premature, so I won’t ever be able to give that to him. Thanks for listening ❤️