My Terrible Dad & Aunt
The story
I don't really know how to start this, but I needed to get it off my chest somewhere and someway, because it's been years that my poor mom has had to deal with this.
I'm currently a 29(F) who often is my mom's safe person to talk to if she needs to vent about things. I've always done this throughout the years because its felt like the one thing I could do for her with her situation. (That and offer her nights out if she just needs an evening away, things like that.)
Long story short, my dad is very narcissistic and goes above and beyond to paint this perfect picture of himself to people outside of immediate family (aka us). His side of the family can do no wrong, and at some point he decided it'd be a great idea to hire my aunt, his sister, into the family business "to help her out" and have someone "to run things" even though that role was my mom's.
She's taken full advantage of it of course. Basically taking it over as his manager, and over the years she's taken over small jobs within the business that my younger siblings used to do just to help them earn a money as they go.
She treats my mom the worst though. My dad has already been controlling when it comes to finances and has always had an "allowance" type of approach when giving my mom money and hovering over her every purchase, even though the majority of the time it's necessary purchases for her family like groceries. And things have just gotten worse with my aunt butting in because now she does payroll and signs checks. Her name is on stuff that my mom should have access to regardless because of marriage, and sometimes my dad will intentionally tell my aunt not to sign things to delay paying my mom.
All of that above I know is probably illegal one way or another. She knows this, its come up in conversation. I've told her to remember that it's always something to keep it mind if it gets too much, but I think she's just worried about my younger siblings and how it'd affect then. She has her own job thankfully so she has some relief from that, but she shouldn't be stressing as much as she is each day and feeling like she's always an afterthought.
It just made me sad and upset for her. I know by the end of the day that it's not all on me, but I still feel like her emotions are my business since I care about her. There's been times lately that I just want to confront both my dad and aunt after hearing her stories but I don't want to make the situation worse for her.
Sorry for the long rant, I know it's a bit all over the place, I just needed to get that out. There's more to the story and more details as this is actively going on even current day, but I think that's a good stopping point. Thank you if you've read this far.
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Points of view
Maybe your dad and aunt are just trying to manage things their own way and your mom's got a different view? Families are complicated, that's for sure...
Families are complicated definitely. I think I'm just a bit reluctant to give them the benefit of the doubt when that's pretty much what they've been given for years at this point. Plus my mom has expressed a few times to them about things that make her feel uncomfortable and how she'd like to clear things up, but she's been brushed off. I don't know. I feel like of my partner told me something made them feel uncomfortable or like a boundary was crossed, it'd make my stomach sink a but and I'd want to try and talk to them the best I could to find a compromise.
wow :o
Man, what a mess! Sounds like your mom is really caught in a tough spot with your dad and aunt running the show like it's their personal empire...
it sounds like a tough situation for everyone involved. your mom being sidelined in something she used to be a big part of must feel pretty disheartening. maybe it's worth exploring other ways your mom could regain some control or feel more included without escalating things with your dad and aunt directly. like, if there's any way she can have team meetings or discussions where her voice is heard more, you know? families can be tricky but finding small steps towards change might make the difference. just keep supporting her as best you can; that means a lot already!
That's a really tough situation, and it's clear that you're doing your best to support your mom in such challenging circumstances. It's understandable why you'd want to confront your dad and aunt, but showing restraint is wise since it could escalate tensions unnecessarily; perhaps gently encouraging your mom to assert her rights or seek legal advice might open up new avenues for empowerment. I can't help but think about how family dynamics can mirror those dysfunctional workplace hierarchies—who hasn't seen a boss play favorites? 😅 Your role as a sounding board for her must mean the world; keep being there for her and maybe look into professional support networks or counseling if things get overwhelming.
Ugh, I totally get the frustration you're feeling. It's like your dad and aunt are running a real-life episode of "Family Feud," but nobody wins 😒. Honestly, it sounds like your mom is stuck in this toxic cycle that won't break until someone stands up for her rights. Considering how your dad's got his claws into finances and everything else, maybe it's time for her to get some legal advice on what could be considered financial abuse or even workplace harassment;? At least then she'd know where she stands if she ever decided enough is enough. Sometimes taking small steps like documenting everything that's going down can also build a case if she needs it later. I once had to help a friend who was caught up in something similar at work—turns out having her ducks in a row made all the difference when things really hit the fan 🤷♂️. Keep being there for her because just knowing she's got you as an ally is powerful stuff!
dang, that's quite the predicament. it sounds like your mom is stuck between a rock and a hard place with not much say in what's happening around her. i can't help but think that sometimes people in power forget about empathy when they're juggling so much responsibility and maintaining their image, and maybe that's part of what's happening with your dad—though it doesn't make it right. 🤔 perhaps finding small ways to show her appreciation and acknowledgment within the family or even having moments where she can assert herself could be a step forward. being there for her like you are definitely makes a difference; just don't forget to take care of yourself too during all this!