Is My 5-Minute Rule Too Harsh for Family Tardiness?
The story
For the past 16 years of marriage, punctuality has continued to be an elusive concept for my spouse's parents. They are consistently late by 20 to 30 minutes and fail to notify us in advance of their tardiness. Last Halloween was particularly telling. They had promised to arrive at 6:30 PM for trick-or-treating with my now-teenage children, who had canceled their own plans to spend the evening with their grandparents. When 7:15 PM rolled around without any sign of them, a phone call revealed they were still "5 minutes away." They eventually showed up 23 minutes later, apparently unconcerned by their lateness.
This recurring issue has compelled me to establish a new family rule I've dubbed the "5-minute rule." According to this directive, if someone says they'll arrive at a specific time and fails to show within 5 minutes of that time, we proceed without them. If it's a meal, we'll order and start eating. If they arrive as we're finishing, we’ll simply leave.
An example of this rule's implementation occurred just this evening. They had made plans to dine out with my teenagers, affirming a 7:00 PM pickup. Reminder of the "5-minute rule" was given during a phone conversation at 2:00 PM. Nonetheless, by 7:05 PM, they had neither appeared nor called. When I contacted them, they claimed to be 10 minutes away. I directed them not to rush, as we would not be waiting, despite their pleas for another chance citing their one-hour drive as an excuse.
It feels outright disrespectful that they don't regard our time with any seriousness. Should I feel bad about enforcing my rule?
Imagine how this issue would unfold if it was part of a reality TV show scene. The dramatization of the confrontation, complete with tense music and close-ups, would likely divide viewers. Some might side with the grandparents, arguing that family deserves patience and understanding. Others might applaud the enforcement of boundaries as a necessary step in cultivating respect for others' time. The episode would definitely spark debate and could possibly even trend on social media as viewers share their own family punctuality horror stories.
Now, thinking about this situation, I wonder: Is my new "5-minute rule" too harsh?
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Points of view
Your sotry highlights a common familial dynamic that many can relate to, yet I find your "5-minute rule" somewhat rigid. While respecting one's time is important, fostering a spirit of patience and understanding within familial relationships is equally vital; such challenges can often offer opportunities for growth and strengthened connections. As someone who lived instances of tardiness, I have found that expressing feelings candidly, while maintaining flexibility, can encourage mutual respect and empathy.
Perhaps, a balanced approach might allow for a more harmonious resolution?
they are aware of the rule you set up and it is entirely their problem if they can't manage their time. i really doubt they're caught up in some extreme human treadmill that they just can't leave at any given moment. it is a planned meeting, at a specific time too. if they can't show up in time, then what is the problem with delaying it earlier? instead, they choose to come late and keep on giving false time expectancies. you're not harsh for this at all.