No Escape from memory
The story
If I live into my later years, let me be blessed with the death of memories. Dementia, or something.
I am so alone. No father to teach me how to carry myself.. Mother beyond evil and corrupted. Sought that I would be the same. Whole family is evil, all back stabbers and whores and drug peddlers. They deserve death.. no one came for me. That house fucking haunts me and I can't escape it. I can't talk to anyone I don't know how. I don't know how to be okay or how to vent. it will destroy me. it already is. I can't trust anyone properly. So much sorrow inside me so much rage and anguish. I want to die, but I haven't yet lived. All these stupid years of my cursed existence. Was this the life they wanted for me? to abuse and so horrifically scar me inside and out that I will never find peace?? What God supports this?? is He even there??? I pray. not one answers. God the pain inside is so tangible. I feel it in my mind and in my head and in my heart. So much pain. I want to scream or anything. anything to release me. is death the only way out?? Will I STILL be DAMNED after death?? Why won't it end??
I dont want to remember. I try to forget but I can't. I am alone and I'm scared, I feel like I did all those years ago. Locked in the dark but this time it's me holding the door shut. I wanted family I wanted to be a proper child. I can't have peace. The realization Dawn's on me that not all things that are broken can be fixed. Is that me too?? Surely one can see too much no? My sanity is.. gone, I'm just pain. all the time. I can smile or stay alone but doesn't matter I'm alone anyways. I'm dying this way likely. Can't think straight. Just nerves and memories and no end. no end to it. So much pain.. why why why didn't they just kill me at birth??
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it's heavy to carry such past experiences and memories; they have such a profound effect. i remember once, during my first job, my manager snapped at me for a mistake i hadn't even made, and it felt like the end of the world considering how sensitive i was back then. carried that resentment for months until i realized holding onto it was hurting only me; had to find peace in forgiving myself for even engaging with that negativity. you know, rebuilding might feel impossible now but every little moment can contribute to creating something new and perhaps better. people's strength is astonishing when given time and support; you're strong enough to seek help and try. there could be hope in small things or unexpected places!!
Look, I get how consuming these thoughts can be but focusing on hoping for dementia or something as an escape is not healthy. We can't choose our families and we'll often feel trapped by them, especially if they are toxic. However, we still have a say in how we confront these challenges. Clinging to anger and pain only extends your suffering.
Yeah bro easy to say when it's not your life destroying you though...
man, what a freaking load to bear. feeling that much pain and anger all the time? it's like trying to run with ankle weights... that's already enough but imagine they're made of lead. can't blame you for wanting some kind of release from all that crap festering inside, anyone would. when my family went south, it was like an endless circle… no way out. only thing that kept me going was realizing i'd have to clutch at small things: music blasting on lucky FM or chatting with some random folks online about nothing important can make a tiny difference sometimes. it sucks being broken but maybe not everything is beyond repair, you know??? hoping this hell doesn't swallow you whole. keep working through it man.
Man, your story's dark and heavy 😕 But wishing for dementia to forget it all? That's a bit extreme! Sounds more like you're trapped in this toxic loop of blaming things on your family. Maybe try breaking that cycle somehow instead of hoping to lose your memories; This negativity won't fix anything! Find something, anything that gives you a shred of peace and hold on tight. Life sucks sometimes, but going down like this ain't the move.
that's such a heavy load you're carrying. feels like you're surrounded by darkness with no way out and that must be exhausting. finding peace might seem impossible but sometimes the smallest step forward can make all the difference, even if it doesn't seem like much at first. keep taking things one moment at a time. you'll get there eventually 🌟
yo u need to stop dwelling manlifes hard but jus push 4ward
yeah being stuck in a bad family really sucks you feel like there's no way out sometimes but at the same time focusing on the past could hold you back from finding peace later man!
Memories can be haunting, but maybe there's strength in facing them?
man all that anger isn't gonna help you find peace it sounds harsh i know but ya gotta try n let go trust is hard i get it ive been there but seriously you control your future