Not sure if it's me
The story
It was my birthday. I'm middle aged, have a husband and 3 children, the youngest is about to graduate high school. My eldest asked me earlier in the week if I wanted to go have a drinking date with him (we do this about every 4 mo or so) on Saturday. I thought it was a great way to kick off my birthday on Sunday! Then my youngest asks him if he's paying for my pedicure tomorrow (on Saturday) and he says no, we already discussed that. "I went on the hike for mother's day, she chose that over the pedicure." Then my youngest explains to him yeah, but tomorrow's her birthday, and to his merit he immediately recanted and said of course! Fast forward to Sunday. No special morning anything. Middle (married) son calls me with issues about his almost former landlord, and an update on the new place. 20 min into the conversation, I ask if he called me today for any other reason. Long story short, he sees the date and blurts out a happy birthday. I invite them to join us for dinner at a local steakhouse. They agree. Youngest rushes me out the door to collect her BFF as we race to get our pedicures, mine for aging, theirs for prom. Done, go drop off BFF, go pick up youngest's finished prom dress, then she leaves with BFF to the mall. I go lay down and take a short nap. Then wait on the couch, doom scrolling until it's time to leave for dinner. We all go together, eat, the steakhouse does their birthday rendition (yelling yee-haw). Come home, husband asks if I've showered today and I said no, I showered last night. He gives me almost the 3rd degree because our unofficial standing for nookie is Sunday nights at least each week. I go shower after a bit. He bakes a completely overly sweet cake I tried last week that he saw on TikTok, opens the microwave where he put it to cool, says happy birthday, you want some?
Now here's where I'm having issues. I'm not a materialistic person. At. All. I've often asked for things like a new vacuum or can opener for Xmas or birthdays and been rebuked because those aren't "FOR you", I should ask for things for me, not the house. This year I couldn't think of a thing I wanted. So that's exactly what I got. I got my nails painted because I do that with my youngest about twice a year and this time it lined up with my bday and my eldest got to gloss over forgetting by paying for it. My middle son showed up for dinner with his wife. Ta-da. My husband paid for dinner and baked a cake he meant to bake last week. That's it. No gifts. No candles. No family singing happy birthday. Oh! Almost. My sister sent me a strawberry plant starter kit from NC and my step mother gave me a generic card from church with $20 in it that she signed hers and my dad's names in and handed it to me when I went to their place to pick up something she'd made my youngest for prom on Saturday. Told me she knew it wasn't for a couple days, but happy early birthday. It was the day before my birthday. They couldn't even remember my birth date, though it's 2 days before my half-brother's (their son). I'm almost 50, he's 36.
So I'm sitting on here asking anonymously. Am I allowed to feel sad that I have a husband of 21+ years and 3 kids and for my birthday I got to eat with them and get my toenails painted? I got the gift of eating dinner, including dessert. I KNOW I'm not materialistic, but is receiving nothing to be expected when I don't ask for anything specifically?
Side note, I'm also 5mo post-hysterectomy and can't trust my emotions to be real or not anymore. This is a genuine question.
Am I wrong to be sad?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Ugh, it sounds like a frustrating birthday 😕. It's totally reasonable to feel a bit let down when there's little acknowledgment or effort on such a personal day, especially with family involved. Although you don't expect or need material gifts, maybe it's more about feeling truly appreciated and seen by those closest to you? Do you think talking to your family about how you felt would help them understand better for future celebrations?
I totally get where you're coming from; it's like you just wanted the day to feel a little more special and meaningful, and it's okay to feel sad when that didn't happen.
It's like your birthday became more of a checklist for everyone rather than an actual celebration 😕. It sounds like what you're craving is that genuine, heartfelt acknowledgment from your family. Even if you don't want material gifts, having them plan something meaningful could make a big difference. Maybe consider sharing with them how the day felt so they can understand and maybe put in more effort next time?
that's a tough spot, but honestly???? you can't expect people to read your mind and know how you're feeling without speaking up. birthdays are different for everyone; some folks wanna celebrate big, others are more low-key. if it really mattered to you, maybe you should let them in on that instead of expecting them to figure it out themselves? 🤔 i get it though, sounds like you've got a lot going on emotionally with the hysterectomy and all... emotions can be really confusing especially when hormones add into the mix. just don't let things fester without addressing what you actually want next time!
wow, sounds like a rough day. imo, it's totally fine to feel bummed about your birthday going unnoticed like that. family could have made it special without needing big fancy gifts. maybe you didn't ask for anything specific, but a little more effort from them wouldn't have hurt. might be worth having a convo with the fam so they can step up next time!
Honestly, it sounds like everyone was just phoning it in on your birthday and that's pretty rough!
Man, that's rough... I think it's totally fair to feel overlooked when it seems like folks just went through the motions without any genuine effort. Birthdays should be more than just another day on the calendar where people barely notice. Your family could use a lesson in thoughtfulness; something as simple as writing heartfelt messages or planning an activity you love would go miles beyond some half-assed steak dinner and overly sweet TikTok cake 🙄. Honestly, if I were you, I'd set up my own celebrations next time; nobody knows how to party better than yourself, right?
It seems like your birthday felt more like just another day on the calendar rather than a special occasion, and that can be pretty disappointing. It's understandable to feel let down when there’s no real acknowledgment or celebration from those who are supposed to know you best. Maybe it wasn't about getting physical gifts, but more about being shown love and appreciation in a way that makes you feel valued. Being post-hysterectomy could definitely complicate emotions, adding another layer of confusion about how you're feeling. However, it's entirely reasonable to want those around you to make an effort and celebrate you genuinely on your special day.
Sounds like you had quite a day! Honestly, it's not about being materialistic—it's just nice to feel appreciated and celebrated, especially by family. I get that you didn’t ask for anything specific, but that's all the more reason for them to put on their creative thinking caps, right? Have you thought about suggesting a new tradition or something personal they'd remember better? They might just need a nudge in the right direction.
Honestly, it kinda sounds like everyone dropped the ball on making you feel special; it's almost like they just went through the motions without much thought. Just because you didn’t ask for something specific doesn’t mean they shouldn't have put in some effort to make you feel valued. It's not about being materialistic—it’s about wanting to be acknowledged in a meaningful way by the people closest to you. Especially considering you're dealing with post-surgery emotions, it would’ve been nice if they’d tuned into that and made the day memorable. Next time, maybe lay out some expectations so they know how not to screw it up again 🤷♂️
I get it, it really sucks when your birthday feels just like any other day, especially after throwing in the 21 years with your hubby and raising three kids; it's like you deserve more than just the routine nods they gave you.
i get that celebrating birthdays can be a tricky thing; they mean different things to different people! but your family still could've done something small yet meaningful, even without big gifts. maybe they were just unsure about how you wanted to celebrate? sometimes just having an honest chat can open their eyes to what truly makes you happy on a special day. 😊 keep the hopes up for next year and drop some hints beforehand; it'll help everyone know how you wanna celebrate!
As much as I sympathize with your situation, it's essential to remember that people aren’t mind readers and sometimes even the closest ones need a gentle nudge; assuming they'll just "get it" rarely works out in your favor... It's not materialism to expect recognition on a day that marks another year of surviving this circus called life.
Your birthday experience highlights a prevalent issue of unintentional neglect that many people face, especially when they don't overtly express their desires or expectations; often, family members can become complacent and assume that simply going through the motions is sufficient.
I get where you're coming from, feeling a little forgotten on your special day. It's not about asking for stuff, but wanting your family to show they care in a way that matters to you. Maybe they thought the usual routines would cut it, but it sounds like a bit more thought and effort could have gone a long way here 🤔 Give them a hint next time! They might just need some guidance on what makes you feel truly celebrated.