Parents are blackmailing for me to get married
The story
My relatives just left after what felt like a whole year. Before going, my aunt, uncle, and parents all tried to brainwash me into getting married. My parents cried and emotionally blackmailed me saying it’s either marriage or their death, and I have two days to decide. They forced me to give my number to relatives so they can send me marriage prospects on WhatsApp. They kept saying I live a boring life alone and if I marry, he will take care of me and my parents. He'll be my friend, driver, security, and once I have kids I’ll be happy and busy and talked all that regressive ass shit. But I decided at 15 that I will never have kids. The more I see how men are, the more I know I don’t want to marry.
I was just looking to start therapy and trying to heal, and now I feel scared again. I know I can never be happy as a wife or a daughter-in-law, and I do not want kids. I don’t know what to do. My parents’ marriage was toxic and abusive. My mom still suffers from injuries my dad gave her when I was 5. He used to pull knives on her, hit her with his helmet, break things in the kitchen over salt in the food, drag her by her hair. He once slammed a door on her chest. There’s been daily verbal and emotional abuse for years. She still stayed and now wants me to get married. I once got out of this toxic home and didn’t want to come back, but after a sexual assault incident I had to return. Now I’m scared to leave because of that incident and scared to stay because of the toxic home. This has hit my self esteem and i keep getting fired from jobs because of not being able to perform. I feel trapped.
I confronted them after the relatives left but my mom didn’t let me speak. She threatened to hit her head and had a phone in her hand. I shut up immediately because I used to do that to myself and it shocked me to see her act like that. I locked myself in my room after.
I feel like things would be different if I wasn’t this scared to go out and if I had a job and was financially independent. Maybe then they would see that I can take care of myself and them. Right now they probably think I can’t, and my relatives kept saying that if I marry, the guy will do all that. They are brainwashing me with regressive ideas. I’m not the “son” of the house so they want a son in law and I feel like it’s my fault for not being able to make them feel like i am a responsible daughter.
I feel guilty that I’m hurting my parents by not doing what they want. But if I give in, I know I’ll suffer. And if I leave, I’ll feel guilty for leaving my old, sick parents alone. I feel like there’s no solution.
**TL;DR**: My family is emotionally blackmailing me into marriage. I don’t want marriage or kids, but I feel trapped between guilt, fear, and pressure. I’m scared to leave because of past trauma and scared to stay because the environment is toxic. It feels like there’s no way out.

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Points of view
omg this sucks so much 😡 i can't believe your family is putting you through that kind of pressure and manipulation; it's like they're living in the past with these outdated ideas 🙄 "marriage or their death"? that's emotional blackmail 101 and beyond messed up 💔 honestly, you don’t owe them marriage or kids just because they want a “son-in-law” to do all the supposed caring for them 🤬 sounds like they've missed the memo on women being independent 🤷♀️ and your parents' situation just makes it even more mind-boggling that they’d want to push you into the same trap 💥 i’m just sad to hear they don't see how toxic and damaging this is for you 😟 you’re not at fault for wanting a different life, one that's safe and uplifting; they should be supporting you in finding stability, not dragging you down; it's a lot to handle but keep pushing for your own mental health 🧠💪 as painful as it sounds, maybe distance could at least give you the perspective and space needed, though i know it’s tough with past experiences weighing on you 💔 really hope things can change for you 🤞
ugh, i feel you, this is absolute insanity 😡 the way your family is trying to guilt trip you into marriage is textbook emotional manipulation; it’s like they’ve enrolled in “how to pressure your child 101” 🙄 honestly, it's archaic thinking that marriage is the solution to every problem—I've seen it firsthand with some friends who got pushed into tying the knot, thinking it’d solve their woes, and spoiler alert, it didn't improve a single thing 🚫 i can totally relate to your fear of stepping out given your past experiences, it's like a constant battle between wanting freedom and fearing the unknown 😣 and let’s be real, the fact they think a husband will be your everything—friend, driver, security—is just another outdated, harmful stereotype; you're not a damsel in distress needing rescuing 🚫 it's clear they’re not seeing you for the strong, capable person you are and that’s just unfair 💔 you’ve got every right to pursue your own path and protect your mental health from this generational trauma they want to drag you into ⛔️ sorry you’re stuck in this mess, but keep pushing for your truth and peace of mind, even if it feels like swimming against the tide 🙏
your family's approach is totally not okay 🤨
i empathize with your situation and understand the immense pressure you are experiencing from your family. it is indeed disheartening to witness how they are attempting to impose their traditional views on you, seemingly disregarding your autonomy and personal aspirations. while marriage can certainly be fulfilling, it is not a universal solution nor should it be coerced upon someone who clearly does not desire it. your willingness to pursue therapy and healing is commendable and shows a strong commitment to your own well-being and personal growth. i hope that you find solace in your journey toward independence and cultivate the strength to stand by your convictions; your life choices, including the decision not to marry or have children, deserve respect and understanding. although your situation is challenging, there remains hope for a resolution that aligns with your values and desires; stay determined and unwavering in your pursuit of a life that fulfills you.
honestly, i get that you're upset, but dismissing marriage entirely seems a bit extreme. your family's approach might be way over the top; "marriage or death" is ridiculous, i get it, but not all relationships end up like that toxic mess your parents had. i've seen folks who were super against marriage end up happy when they met the right person. why not give it a shot?? sure, protect yourself and have boundaries, but don't rule it out just 'cause of what you're seeing around you. sometimes, when you're dead set against something, you miss out on unexpected good stuff, you know??? think about it, and maybe chat with someone who sees things differently. there's more than one path to happiness, after all.
sounds like you're really stuck between a rock and a hard place. i get why you're upset about your family's pressure. the whole "marriage or their death" thing is just too much!!! it's tough when they try to guilt-trip you into it. but yeah, not everyone needs to follow the same path, right? what's with the "he'll be your everything" idea? that sounds like a lot to put on one person. i mean, do they not get that independence is a thing??? you've been through a lot, and it's understandable that you're questioning whether marriage is right for you. healing should be your focus, and therapy sounds like a good step. just keep being true to yourself. is there anyone at all in your fam who might support your stance?
yeah, i get you're feeling stuck, but maybe you're being a bit too harsh on the idea of marriage; not all marriages are doomed for failure!!! sure, your family is laying it on thick with the pressure, and that's not cool, but totally shutting it down might be a bit extreme. there's a chance you could find a partner who'd actually be supportive and chill 😏 it's a big step, but doesn't always have to be a bad one. plus, your relatives probably mean well in their own weird way, even if they're going about it wrong. ever thought about just having a straight-up convo with them about your views??? it might clear the air a bit.
man, i totally feel for you and get why you're frustrated with all this nonsense from your family. it's insane that they think they can push you into marriage with all this "it's either marriage or their death" garbage. like, seriously? 🙄 it's your life and you get to decide how you wanna live it; you’ve got every right to focus on your own happiness and healing. your decision not to have kids is valid and deserves respect. props for thinking about therapy and getting your mental health in check. it's your life, and you gotta do what's best for you. hang in there, and keep your chin up! hope you find a way through this mess.
dude, i totally get where you're coming from, and i'm with you on this. your family's doing a real number on you with all this "marriage or nothing" pressure, and it ain't cool at all 😡 reminds me of when my folks kept pushing me down a career path i didn't want just 'cause it “looked good” on paper. it's your life, and if you don't wanna get hitched or have kids, that’s 100% your call. people need to realize that living single can be just as fulfilling, if not more. you've got a right to work on yourself, heal, and find your own path. don't let them drag you into something that’s not what you want. you'll find your own way, and it’ll be better because it’s what you chose. keep doing you, and don't back down!
i get that you're in a tough spot with your family pressure. it's never easy dealing with emotional blackmail 😕 your decision to avoid marriage and kids is totally valid. everybody's path is different, and you have to do what's right for you. even though your family’s approach is intense, maybe there's a way to communicate your perspective to them gently. maintaining boundaries while understanding their concerns might help ease the tension. it's your life, ultimately, and your happiness matters. stay strong and true to yourself as you navigate this situation. best of luck!
wow, i truly empathize with the predicament you find yourself in, and it's really commendable how you are standing your ground amidst such overwhelming familial pressure 😢 it's profoundly unsettling to witness the extent to which your family is attempting to impose their traditional values upon you, seemingly without regard for your personal autonomy and well-being!!! "marriage or death" is such a severe and paradoxical ultimatum, and it's not fair to place such constraints on your life choices 😔 have they considered how damaging this emotional coercion might be for you in the long run??? it reminds me a bit of when i faced pressure to conform to expectations that didn't align with my aspirations, and it can be incredibly stifling 🙄 perhaps maintaining open communication about your boundaries and articulating your vision for your future might gradually help them understand??? it’s crucial to uphold your individual identity and pursue your own path to fulfillment, wherever that may lead you.
while i completely understand that your family's approach is way too intense and outdated, i have to say that dismissing marriage entirely might be a bit hasty 😕 sure, the whole "marriage or death" ultimatum is extreme and not okay at all, but it's worth considering that not all relationships end up like the toxic ones you've seen. i've met plenty of people who were convinced they didn't want to marry, and then they met someone who changed their perspective entirely. "never say never," right? i think it's worth keeping an open mind. maybe it's less about the institution of marriage and more about finding someone who respects your choices and supports your goals. maybe give it some thought—sometimes life takes us by surprise, and you might discover that there's more to the idea than what you've seen so far.