Raised by narcissists
The story
Growing up, I never really knew there was a name for what my parents were. I just knew that somethin was off. Other kids talked about their moms and dads like they were these safe places, comfort zones, u kno? Mine weren’t. My parents were more like actors on a stage, and I was the audience they needed applause from constantly. Everything revolved around them—their feelings, their needs, their dreams. If they had a bad day, it was my fault. If they fought, somehow that landed on me too. I learned early to keep quiet, to keep my own feelings hidden, cause whenever I tried to express them, I got shut down quick. It was always, “How could u say that after everything we’ve done for u?” Or my personal favorite, “You’re so selfish.” For a long time, I actually believed that. I thought that maybe I really was selfish for wanting my own feelings to matter. And it’s taken years, and a whole lotta therapy to finally realize that wanting to be heard doesn’t make me selfish—it makes me human.
It’s funny tho, lookin back, cause when I was little I just assumed every house was like mine. That every kid walked on eggshells tryin not to upset their parents. I thought every mom was dramatic and cried easily, making you feel guilty for even existin. I thought every dad was overly critical, pickin apart every mistake, remindin you constantly how lucky you were that he even bothered to feed and clothe you. It wasn’t till I started spendin more time at my friends’ houses that I realized something was seriously messed up at mine. Their parents listened to them. Like really listened. When my friends spoke, their parents didn’t just wait for their turn to talk—they actually heard them. And when they messed up, they got hugged, comforted, reassured. Not shamed or belittled. The more I saw that, the more confused and honestly jealous I became. I wondered what it felt like to grow up without fear, without that constant anxiety in your gut tellin u that ur feelings weren’t important, that ur only job was to make sure your parents were happy, even if it meant hiding who you really were.
As I got older, it didn’t get easier. In some ways it got harder. Teen years are supposed to be when you figure out who u are, but that was nearly impossible in a house ruled by narcissists. Any attempt at independence was treated like a personal betrayal. My mom would cry, sayin I didn’t love her anymore. My dad would get cold and distant, like I’d deeply offended him just by having an opinion of my own. I learned to live a double life—one version for home, the other for school and friends. But the exhaustion of it was brutal. I felt like an actor too, just like them, pretendin to be okay, pretendin everything was fine. Even when I left home and went to college, the damage was already done. I struggled to form healthy relationships. I kept waitin for friends or boyfriends to turn on me, to blame me for things, to tell me my feelings weren’t valid. And sometimes they did, cause I guess I subconsciously chose people who were familiar—people who acted like my parents. Breaking that cycle felt almost impossible. I kept wonderin if maybe my parents were right, maybe I really was just impossible to love or deeply flawed somehow.
But here’s the thing: eventually, I found people who showed me different. I found therapy. I found books and podcasts that made me realize I wasn’t alone, that being raised by narcissists wasn’t my fault, and most importantly, that it didn’t have to define me forever. Slowly, I started settin boundaries. Slowly, I learned to say no without feelin guilty. Slowly, I started believin that my feelings mattered just as much as anyone else’s. It's still hard sometimes. There’s still days when the old voices creep back in, tellin me I’m not good enough or that I’m selfish for thinkin of myself. But now I kno those voices are lies. Now I kno my worth isn’t defined by anyone else's approval, especially not theirs. I won’t pretend it’s been easy—cause it hasn’t. Healing from parents like mine is messy, complicated, and takes longer than anyone wants to admit. But it’s possible. It’s happening. And every day I feel a lil bit more free. I might’ve been raised by narcissists, but I don’t have to live the rest of my life under their shadow. I’m finally learnin to step into the light—my own light. And damn, it feels good.
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Points of view
hey there! 😊 i appreciate you opening up and sharing your story. that's not easy to do! but i'll be honest, i don't completely see eye to eye with this whole "narcissist" label for your parents. i mean, families are tricky, right?? everyone's got their ups and downs. maybe your parents were just trying to do their best, even if it didn't always feel that way???
growing up, i clashed with my parents too. thought they were too controlling, ya know? but looking back, i think they were dealing with their own stuff. "everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about," right?? 🤔 maybe it's a bit like that???
anyways, super glad you're finding your way and stepping into your light!! 🌟 remember, every family's got its own kinda normal. wishing you lots of strength and growth!!! 👍😊
I truly appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this heartfelt story, but I must admit I have some slightly different perspectives on the matter. While it's clear your experiences were challenging, the label of "narcissist" for your parents seems a tad harsh and perhaps overly simplistic, given the complexity of family dynamics; everyone's got their own stuff to handle. 🥴
In my personal journey, I've also dealt with familial misunderstandings and conflicts, leading to assumptions about intentions. I've learned the hard way that perception can sometimes be like looking into a funhouse mirror, distorting reality. "Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody," as they say; maybe your parents were navigating their own shadows?
It's a tricky thing, the art of familial relationships, and while I totally empathize with your struggles, I also believe people often do the best they can with the tools they have. So, while your story is absolutely valid and your emotions are profound, considering the multifaceted nature of human behavior might provide some additional insight. Keep exploring your path to healing, and it's wonderful to see you stepping into your own light.
hey, thanks for sharing your story. 😬 I get that everyone has different experiences, but I'm not totally convinced it's fair to label your parents as narcissists. family dynamics are super complex, and we all have our struggles growing up. sure, your parents might have been demanding or self-centered, but isn't it possible they just had their challenges or were doing their best? 🤔
i had a rough time with my own family too, and i once thought they were being unfair, but as i got older, i realized they had their reasons, even if they weren't perfect. i'm not saying your feelings aren't valid—they totally are! but maybe there's more to it? like, understanding where they're coming from could be a step toward healing.
it sounds like you're on your own journey, which is awesome. just maybe consider a broader perspective? 🤷♂️ sometimes, seeing things from another angle can bring peace. wishing you the best in finding that freedom and understanding you're seeking. 😊
Hey there! I really resonate with your story; it’s like you put into words what I’ve felt all along. Growing up with parents who prioritized their own needs can really mess with your sense of self-worth. I get that. It’s tough feeling like you have to constantly perform for their approval. 😔
I had a similar upbringing where I felt like my emotions didn’t matter. Trying to establish boundaries as an adult has been an ongoing struggle for me too. It’s hard to break free from that conditioning, where you feel selfish for wanting a voice, right?
Anyway, I just wanted to say I totally understand where you're coming from, and it's great to hear you're finding your way. Keep stepping into your own light—you're doing amazing! 🌟
hey, i really relate to your story and want to say thanks for sharing such a personal experience. it's wild how you describe the feeling of being in your own family's theatrical production, constantly needing to applaud their needs and desires. we all know parents can be complicated, right?
i had similar vibes growing up, like i was just an extra in their show! my parents always seemed to dismiss my feelings and opinions, making me feel unheard and undervalued. sometimes it felt like my emotions were just... inconvenient for them. but here’s the kicker; even though it's hard to break free from that shadow, it's possible.
i reckon most of us who've been there understand the confusion and the frustration that comes with navigating such a dynamic. you’re definitely not alone, and it’s empowering to hear you’re carving out your own space! keep leaning into that journey of self-discovery—you're already making such great strides.