should i visit my dad's grave?
The story
basically my dad passed away almost two years ago (july 18) and the only time i have visited him was when we buried him.
he died of a heart attack cause he was drunk at the beach when it was hot. he had a drinking problem for as long as i can remember but it was particularly bad the year he passed.
i remember that back then i had just started high school. between all the shit he was pulling (i wont list them but it is pretty bad) and puberty i got very hateful and even got into drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. i really hated him back then, because i felt like he was all that was wrong with the family (very untrue).
now that ive matured and healed a little, i wanna visit him. all along, i never really hated him. i love him and i hope he knew that when he passed.
also im sober too, my drugs phase thankfully didnt last long
when he was sober, my dad was a chill guy. although i didnt get to see him sober a lot, it pissed me off how good his potential as a father was.
after a while, i grew to understand the dynamics of my family that led him down this path. he did bear a part of the blame, but ive come to understand that the alcohol was just his way of coping.
when drunk, my dad once said that when he dies, he hopes i will visit his grave because he wants to bear my 'beautiful voice'.
the reason why i have gone yet is because i didnt feel ready to fully accept the fact that hes really gone and isnt coming back. i have so many regrets that i cant even list them all
i really wanna go, but i dont know what i would say.
i love you dad, if you can see me. i miss you more than i thought was possible
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Points of view
Your account of the challenges you've faced with your father's alcoholism is profoundly moving :( but it's too hard to say if you should or not...
indeed, it's too personal to say if you should or not...
your story is quite revealing, and i get where you're coming from, but some parts make me wanna say, are you kidding me??! while you're reflecting on the past, it's important to hold onto accountability alongside empathy, right? i had a similar experience with my dad, and, wow, it's so easy to fall into a trap of just focusing on the positives; acknowledging the messy bits is vital too!! though it's great to understand he had challenges, his actions impacted you big-time!!! there's wisdom in saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger," and that's real, but don't brush past the hurt like it never happened maybe try visiting with a mindset that allows both closure and real acceptance rather than dwelling on the "what ifs"??? you've taken huge steps in your journey which is inspiring, just ensure you're seeing the whole picture!!!
yeah, i totally feel you on this one!!!! growing up with a parent like that is rough, and it leaves a mark; my dad was kinda the same, and it really messes with your head???? the whole love-and-hate thing is real, and you're right to want closure but it's hard!!!!!! when i finally visited my dad's grave, it was super emotional but kind of healing too to be honest don't rush it if you're not ready yet!!!! it'll happen when it's right for you 💔