Update on where me and my mom sleep
The story
It took place yesterday, so I since calmed down. This is what I wrote yesterday in the comments of my story so that I could update y'all on this situation. I wish there was an update feature so that we can update the stories directly ^^'
I did my best to tell the story as accurately as I could, despite how emotional I was. If it ends up not making sense, I'm sorry.
Thank you to the people who took the time to read the first part of my story. I was already trying to heal myself on my own from my issues since I was young, but the comments I got made me realize that my comfort matters too. I have a habit of letting things stay as is because I don't want to bother anyone with my needs in fear of being selfish or conceited, but I know this is harmful to me. Thank you guys for helping me take a step to regaining my space.
It's daytime and today, my mom somehow decided to stay in my room to eat her breakfast while I was chilling in my room on my computer, which made me a bit uncomfortable. My stepdad tried to propose her to go back in her room since he's not using it anymore, but she refused, and that was it. Even if she was done with her breakfast, she stayed. I tried to endure it, but the discomfort kept being there, so I eventually tried to tell her get out of my room politely and calmly a few times. She kept refusing. It came to a point where she told me she was going to get mad if I continued to ask her. We ended up getting into an argument, with her calling me selfish and blowing up at me and me crying and blowing up at her as a result to me not feeling heard. I tried explaining to her that it's been since my teenage years that I let her use my room with me to sleep and that I just want the room for myself, at least for the day. I even pleaded and everything. I now know it's not the best way to try to communicate my feelings, but in the moment, that was the best way I had to try to get my point across, but she didn't take it well. She took it as me kicking her out of my room, and because she's paying for the roof, she won't get out.
With the commotion, my stepdad checked out what was going on, and with me screaming, I tried to explain to him what was going on. I didn't think I'd hear him say it, but he said that he understood where I was coming from and that I really just wanted privacy. (I'm surprised because I heard him saying, while he was on the phone with one of his brothers, that he hugged one of his relatives on purpose because they were uncomfortable with his presence). However, my mom kept calling me selfish for it. I screamed back at her as a response, again, because I didn't feel heard. She told me that she would get out if I apologized to her for telling her to get out of my room, and I retorted that she should apologize for calling me selfish. My stepdad tried to reason with me, saying that she surely understands, that she didn't call me selfish in bad faith, that she's going to get out, but to me, that wasn't the case. The only reason that she got out was because I mentioned how she was using my deodorant. I was trying to prove that this is not the only instance of her calling me selfish because of me trying to calmy tell her to not do something. The arguing kept going to the point that my stepdad had to get out. To do something else or to get out of the conflict, I don't know, but with the screaming matches that I was having with my mom, I understood.
We kept arguing a bit more, and I eventually tried to tell her again to please get out of my room. In her own words, she wouldn't, because she doesn't take orders from me. And she didn't. For at least 10 or 20 minutes, I was on my bed crying with my mom sitting next to me. In that period of time, I texted my stepdad "I told you, she wouldn't listen, she didn't get out". He eventually came in, saying that he won't go back to his words and that he would be sleeping on the couch and that my mom would sleep in her room. My mom tried to interrupt him by the way, but he kept talking and didn't let her get a word in while he was saying that.
Now she's out of my room, but yeah. To summerize, I now have my room to myself, but in the process, my mom yelled at me, and I said some hurtful things too because I was frustrated I didn't feel heard by her. With how emotional I got (still am), maybe I am part of the problem in this household.
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sounds like quite the emotional rollercoaster 😬 i've gotta say, it's tough when boundaries aren't respected, especially in your own space; but i'm curious - have you thought about having a calm conversation with your mom outside of these heated moments? sometimes addressing issues when everyone's not on edge can help find mutual respect without the conflict. sure, emotions got high, but recognizing that and wanting to improve is already a big step forward 🌟 do you think there's a chance for peaceful negotiation in the future?
Unfortunately, no, or at least I don't think so. I feel like no matter how I try to address something, it would always somehow end up in drama, so most of the time, I don't even try. I'm saying that because even when I'm just doing something in my corner and not bothering her at all, she'd find something to yell at me about because she doesn't approve of it
man, this sounds like a total clusterf*** 🤦♂️. why does your mom feel the need to camp out in your room anyway? kinda wild to think she doesn’t get why you’d want some privacy in your own space 😒. though tbh, with how heated things got, it seems like both sides could use a breather. your stepdad seems chill for trying to keep the peace, but damn, it shouldn’t take all that drama just for you to have a bit of alone time. maybe next time things start boiling over, try stepping out yourself before the yelling hits nuclear levels. would suck less if everyone isn’t blowing up at each other every time they disagree 🙄.
I just realized how bad it is for me to be used to feeling like I have to fight back everytime my mom starts yelling at me-
have you ever considered addressing this when things are more relaxed like over a casual family dinner or something?
sounds like you're in a complicated situation with your mom. i'm not sure why she insists on being in your room, but it seems more about control than needing the space; why does she feel entitled to invade your privacy??? the emotionally charged confrontation isn't ideal, but standing up for your space isn't selfish. maybe consider discussing boundaries when things are calm and see if there's an underlying issue she's trying to communicate. 🤔
bruh, that's a wild ride. your mom not getting the hint about privacy is honestly mind-blowing and super invasive?? like, what’s up with that? 🤨 big shoutout to your stepdad for at least trying to understand where you're coming from tho; do you think he'd be willing to back you up more? sounds like there’s a mountain of unspoken issues piling up. next time maybe try laying down some boundary ground rules when things cool off. everyone needs their own space or you'll just end up in endless yelling matches..ain't nobody got time for those 🤷♂️
My stepdad tried to tell me to go sleep next to my mom in her room again so that he could sleep in mine, but I told him I'll use the couch if he goes to sleep in my room again. It's a little petty of me, but like...I don't really feel like sleeping next to my mom after that argument, and especially after he said all that
yep, i can completely understand...
yo, it’s wild how some parents just don’t see that needing your own space doesn’t mean you’re selfish; it’s all about boundaries and respect 🤷♂️.
Honestly, I have a feeling it has something to do about her own upbringing. Me and my mom both came from a poor country and have a large family back home, so I can sort of understand ? It doesn't erase the fact that she said hurtful things to me, but I also can't ignore these facts
wow, this sounds like a lot to deal with. honestly, i feel for you; it's never easy when your own room doesn't feel like your space. reminds me of when my older brother used to just barge into my room without knocking—definitely made it hard to breathe sometimes. maybe your mom's actions are more about holding onto a certain level of involvement rather than being invasive on purpose? 🤔 it's tough, but if she's not receptive right now, perhaps focusing on what you can control might help—like setting small boundaries around certain times or activities that are non-negotiable for your privacy. or even writing her a letter so she can read when she's ready to listen could be an option. hoping things cool down for you soon! 🌈
Jeez, sounds like a real mess; but hey, props to you for standing your ground 🌟 maybe it’s time to carve out your own sanctuary rules so everyone knows what's up and respects your space before things get dicey again.
Honestly, it's kind of ridiculous that your mom doesn't respect your need for privacy; are you sure she isn't doing this on purpose just to push your buttons or exert some weird control?
I mean...this isn't the first time she blew up on me because I said no to something she offered or straight up over something that was absolutely inconsequential in my opinion.
I remember the night before my end of the year event at college, I was looking for outfits, and she came to me to give me some clothes for the day. I saw the clothes, and I didn't want to depend on her everytime there's an event, so I said no thanks and that I would be fine on my own. She started blowing up at me and at some point and even said my clothes were ugly (ironic for her to say that cuz she, along with other family members, were the one to buy them for me throughout the years). Oh yeah, she also told me that, since my stepdad's coming with me, I should "honor" him for some reason ? Thankfully that time, I managed to stay calm for the most part, though I did tell her to get out of my room impolitely cuz I was slowly getting irritated by her continuously yelling at me ^^'
What really striked me was, days later, she comes in my room and picks up some clothes. I don't remember what piece of clothing she picked, but it was mine, and she tells me that that particular clothing was pretty.
For the seemingly unconsequential things, I remember, when I was still a teenager, how she yelled at me because I was wearing sweatpants in summer. Not scold, yell. The reason I was wearing sweatpants was because I felt that the sun was going to burn my legs if I didn't. I don't remember what they were saying, just that I was crying and not understanding why they were yelling at me for something so small.
Another time was when I was still sleeping in my mom's room with her. It was the middle of the night, and I was crying for a reason I don't remember, but I knew that I had to get some fresh air and calm myself down, so I sat on the couch to read a comic on my phone. Minutes later, just when I calmed down and stopped crying, she comes out of her room and she picks a fight with me. I tell her that I'm not even bothering her, multiple times. At first, the argument was hushed, but we raised our voices and eventually, my stepdad comes out of my room. There was a lot of yelling, and I ended up crying in frustration
damn, that whole situation sounds messed up 😔. it's seriously rough when personal space isn't respected, especially by family. maybe next time, try writing down how you feel and share it with your mom when things are chill?, like a letter or something? sometimes seeing words on paper makes them realize how serious it is, without all the yelling. glad your stepdad is somewhat on board; he might help bridge the gap if he sees both sides 💪. stay strong dude! having your own space isn’t too much to ask for! 🛏️🔒
man, this situation sounds pretty heavy; i can't help but notice the power imbalance at play here. it's tough when parents use "my house, my rules" to dismiss your needs; maybe having an objective third party like a family therapist could help mediate these tensions? sometimes it's less about privacy and more about respect and validation, right? hope you can find some peace in this tricky dynamic.
Man, this sounds like a stressful situation for sure! It seems like there might be some deeper issues at play here; my gut tells me your mom might be struggling with something personal, and it spills over into not respecting your space. While it's tough, maybe channeling that energy into calmly expressing your emotions when things aren't heated might help next time? I've found that sometimes taking a step back to cool off can also give new perspectives on what might really be going down. Plus, having your stepdad somewhat in your corner is a positive sign! maybe he can mediate more in the future. Stay strong; it’s gotta get better from here!
man, that sounds like such a frustrating situation; it's tough when personal boundaries aren't respected, especially by family. i'm glad your stepdad seems to have your back and understands the need for privacy. maybe it's less about selfishness and more about asserting yourself in a household where it feels like you're not being heard. sometimes parents just don't realize how important it is to let go of control a bit as you grow; perhaps this is part of her struggle too. try finding some time that’s calm and see if there's a way to chat about why having your space matters so much! might help both sides get on the same wavelength sooner 💪
Yeah, it seems like the dynamics in your house are pretty toxic, and maybe it's time to set some firm boundaries, even if that means having some tough conversations or setting consequences when they're not respected.