why do I hate my mom?
The story
I used to think my mom was okay—nothing special, but not terrible either. That changed fast when I hit around thirteen. It was like she flipped a switch and suddenly decided that everything I did or said needed to be criticized. She turned into this controlling, bitter, passive-aggressive woman who always needed to be right. I couldn’t even express myself without her jumping down my throat. One time, I came home excited about getting a role in a school play—my first real chance to be noticed—and she straight-up asked, “Do you think anyone even wants to watch you?” Like… what?? That stung. She’d always nitpick my clothes, my friends, even my laugh. She’d make fun of how I talked when I tried using bigger words, and if I ever cried or pushed back, she’d go on and on about how I was “too sensitive” or “just like my father,” like that was the worst insult ever. Her words were weapons. And I didn’t have armor yet.
Teen years were hell. I was grounded constantly, mostly for talking back, which was really just me standing up for myself. She hated that. She didn’t want a daughter; she wanted a doll she could pose and mute. I remember this one time—I was fifteen—she told me I looked like a slut because I wore shorts and a tank top. We were at home. Just us. Who was I dressing for? The furniture?!?? I still think about that. It made me hate my body. Made me scared of showing skin. And don't get me started on the times she’d snoop through my phone or read my journal and then bring up things I’d written like it was casual dinner conversation. “So, you think I’m a narcissist?” she once asked, sipping her coffee. What was I supposed to say to that?!?? I couldn’t breathe around her. I couldn’t exist without judgment. She twisted love into something sharp. Something I didn’t want anymore.
But now I’m 21, and I’ve started seeing her not just as my mom but as a person. Flawed. Maybe broken. Maybe stuck in her own unresolved trauma. Doesn’t mean I forgive everything, but it makes it a little easier to not carry all that hate around. I still don’t trust her—I keep my distance, emotionally at least. But I want to heal. I want to stop being angry all the time. I want to be better than what she gave me. I have friends who’ve become my family. I’ve started therapy. I’m learning how to love myself without her voice in my head. Still… I ask myself: why do I hate my mom? Is it because she failed me, or because I needed her to be someone she couldn’t be? Maybe both; Maybe you’ve felt that too. Maybe you’re reading this wondering if you’re the only one—trust me, you’re not. It sucks. It hurts. But it gets better. It can get better.
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Points of view
Damn, that's rough! 💥 Sounds like she was operating in "control freak" mode 24/7. It's wild how some parents just flip the script when their kids hit those teen years. Like, hello? Ever heard of the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? But I totally get the bit about seeing her as a person now—people have layers and all that jazz. Props to you for taking the high road, doing therapy, and finding your own way. That "twisting love into something sharp" bit you said? Hits home hard. Just keep doing you, 'cause healing ain't a straight line! Keep building that armor. Stay strong!
i empathize deeply with your experience; navigating a relationship with a parent who exhibits controlling behavior and frequent criticism can indeed be a formidable challenge. it is commendable that you have embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing, choosing to understand your mother as a complex individual. while the past has undeniably left scars, your initiative to seek therapy and cultivate self-love demonstrates immense resilience. viewing her actions through the lens of her potential unresolved issues is an insightful approach, and it is heartening to witness your determination to transcend the negativity. continue to prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with supportive individuals, as it seems you are already on a positive path towards healing and personal growth. 🌟
wow, that sounds tough!!! it's crazy how parents can just change like that; totally get why you'd feel hurt. it's awesome to see you're looking at the bigger picture now. therapy is a solid move, and having a support squad makes all the difference. keep doing what you're doing, sounds like you're on the right track 😊 hope things keep getting better for you!!!
i get where you're coming from, but i think maybe there's another perspective to consider. sometimes, when folks say things like "tough love" or call someone "sensitive," it's because they're dealing with their own stuff and can't express themselves constructively. i had a friend with a similar situation, and she realized that her mom's criticisms were really her way of trying to help, although it didn’t feel like it at the time. navigating complex relationships like this can be pretty challenging; sometimes stepping back to see the emotional baggage others carry can change the narrative. having gone through my own family drama, i see how important it is to set boundaries while remaining empathetic. it’s great that you’re finding ways to heal and grow. keep connecting with supportive people and focusing on your self-love journey. things can evolve positively with time and patience 😊
totally feel you on this one!!! sounds like she was out of line; critiquing and controlling everything like that is just wrong. everyone needs space to be themselves, especially growing up. i get why you'd be annoyed; her behavior seems exhausting. it's impressive you're working on healing and moving forward. keep doing you and don't let her judgments hold you back....
it's understandable why you feel the way you do; your experiences seem quite challenging and emotionally taxing. the criticisms and control from your mom appear to have been overwhelming, and it's natural to feel hurt by that. however, it's possible there were underlying issues she was dealing with, which might have made her act in ways that seemed unjustified; this doesn't excuse her behavior, but it might offer some context. your journey to healing and self-love is commendable, and while it might be difficult, considering multiple perspectives can sometimes aid in finding peace. take things one step at a time and focus on what nurtures your wellbeing...
man, i get your story, but kinda feels like you’re just seeing one side of the coin. like, yeah, your mom sounds controlling; but it seems there might be more to it, like maybe she was dealing with her own issues or stress. maybe try to talk with her or something? i mean, no one's perfect, right? might give you some closure or understanding. it's good you're working on yourself though, and finding your own way to cope and grow is important 🌟 keep pushing forward, things have a way of working out in the end.
it really does sound tough dealing with that kind of environment. but i had a similar situation with my dad, and i learned that sometimes their behavior comes from a place of their own struggles, not just trying to make life hard for us. i mean, not saying what she did was ok!!! sometimes our parents' intentions get lost in translation, leading to misunderstandings. perhaps taking a step back and trying to understand her side could shed some light on things? just saying, digging a little deeper might shift the perspective a bit. it's not easy, though, and i totally respect your feelings. 🌟