Why is my mom yelling at me?
The story
I am 17 and I really do not get why my mom is always yelling at me, like seriously what is even happening here. I try so hard to be a good daughter, not in some fake way either, I mean for real. I clean the kitchen without being asked most days, I wash dishes, I fold clothes even when they are not mine, I help with groceries, I keep my room pretty clean, I do my homework on time, I study a lot, and my grades are very good, like I am not out here failing classes or sneaking around or doing wild stuff. I am polite too, maybe too polite, because even when she is already mad I still say okay mom and sorry mom and I keep my voice low because I do not want more drama. But still she yells. She yells if I am doing something, and she yells if I am not doing something, and sometimes I swear she yells before I even understand what she wants. Yesterday I was literally wiping the table after dinner and she came in and said I never help in this house, and I just stood there with the rag in my hand feeling so dumb and small. Like what was I supposed to say, do you see me or not. One time I got a 95 on a test and I was actually happy, like wow maybe she will be proud for once, and all she said was why not 100, and then later she got mad because I was studying in my room and not downstairs where she could “see me doing something.” How am I meant to win that. I am asking for real, what do people even do when no answer is the right answer. Do you ever feel like someone already decided you are a problem and now everything you do looks wrong to them. Because that is how it feels in my house almost every day. I wake up tense already, listening to her footsteps, trying to guess what mood it is gonna be. If I say good morning and she sounds annoyed, my whole chest just drops. If I stay quiet, then I am “cold” or “have an attitude.” If I ask if she needs help, she says I should already know. If I start helping on my own, she says I am doing it the wrong way. I am not saying I am perfect because duh I am 17 and I forget stuff sometimes, I leave a glass in my room sometimes, I get tired, I get moody, normal stuff, but the way she reacts is like I ruined everything and I do not think that is fair. It makes me doubt myself a lot, like maybe I am secretly awful and just cannot see it, but then I look at what I actually do all day and I am like no, this is too much, this cannot all be my fault.
What really gets me is that I keep trying harder and it changes nothing, which is such a miserable feeling. A few weeks ago I made sure the living room was all neat, I finished a school project early, I even made tea for her because she looked stressed, and later that night she started yelling because I forgot to move one bag from the hallway. One bag. Like that was enough to erase everything else. I said sorry right away and moved it, but she kept going on and on about how I make life harder for her, and I just wanted to cry because I honestly do not know how much more careful a person can be before they stop being a person and just turn into some nervous robot. Sometimes I think maybe she is stressed and taking it out on me, and I try to be understanding because life is hard and money is tight and adults have problems they do not talk about, so I do try to be reasonable. I am not sitting here acting like moms are not human. But at the same time, why am I the one getting hit with all the shouting when I am the one helping. Why am I the easy target just because I am there and quiet and trying. Last month I had this long school day and I came home tired but still started dinner stuff because she was late, and when she got home she yelled that the onions were cut too thick. I am not joking. Too thick. I just said okay, I can cut them smaller next time, and then she got even more mad like my calm voice annoyed her too. That happens a lot actually. It is like if I defend myself, I am disrespectful, but if I stay calm, I am “acting smart.” So tell me, what is left. Am I supposed to disappear. I love my mom, which makes this worse because I do not want to hate being around her, but lately I hear her call my name and my stomach drops right away. I keep wondering if one day she will notice I am trying, or if she already knows and just does not care because yelling is easier. Maybe she thinks it makes me better somehow, but it does not, it just makes me tired and weirdly empty. I still do my chores, still get my grades, still try to be nice, because that is just who I am and I do not want to become rude or lazy from being treated unfair. But honestly I am starting to feel dumb for hoping every day will be different. Maybe tomorrow she will be normal, maybe tomorrow she will not snap because I closed a cabinet too loud or folded towels “wrong” or sat down for five minutes after school. Maybe. But then tomorrow comes and it is the same thing again, and I sit there thinking, why is my mom yelling at me, and I never get a real answer.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
i totally get where you're coming from, it's tough to feel like nothing you do is ever good enough. it's like you're walking on eggshells every day just trying not to set her off, but no matter what you do, something always seems wrong in her eyes. i've been there—trying so hard for someone else's approval and it feels impossible to win. have you thought about talking to her when things are calm? maybe a quiet moment away from the usual chaos could help start a new kind of conversation. i mean, yeah, it might not fix everything overnight but sometimes letting someone know how their actions affect you can open up some understanding. also keep reminding yourself that your worth isn’t based on whether or not she recognizes all your efforts; it’s clear you’re doing more than your part, and that's awesome on its own. be kind to yourself because honestly, it sounds like you're handling this way better than most would in your shoes!
It's honestly frustrating to read how you're bending over backward just to catch a break; why does everything you do get twisted into something wrong???? "No matter what I say, it turns into an argument," might just be the life mantra for living with someone who refuses to see your side. You’re not alone in this boat—many face similar situations where logic gets thrown out the window. Sometimes people project their own stress onto those closest to them, thinking it'll somehow relieve pressure. It might help to remember it's likely her issue more than yours, even though you're caught in the crossfire. Don't let one person's seemingly undeserved criticism make you question your worth!
it sounds like you're caught in a frustrating cycle, and honestly, it makes me question how parents can overlook all the effort their kids put in 🙁. it seems bizarre that doing everything right doesn't yield any recognition from her; there's probably more going on here than just your actions. maybe she's overwhelmed by something else and it's manifesting as anger towards you'; but still, unfairly being the target of someone's stress is tough to cope with. keep reminding yourself that your value isn't based on her reactions alone, even though it's hard not to let it get to you sometimes.
Man, I totally hear you and what you're going through sounds really rough! It's kinda wild how much you're doing yet it seems like your mom just doesn't see it or acknowledge your efforts. Honestly, it's almost like some people have a radar for finding something wrong no matter what, which is super frustrating when you're just trying to do your best. Have you ever considered writing her a letter? Sometimes putting all those feelings on paper can help clear things up without things getting heated right away. Plus, maybe it'll give her time to really think about how much you've been taking on and the impact of her reactions. Remember, it's not about being perfect—you're already doing so well with everything on your plate—and don't let anyone make you feel less than because of it!
yo, sounds like your mom's got a lot going on and just doesn't know how to handle it well; not saying it's fair or anything. lots of folks end up taking out stress on people they care about without realizing; doesn't make sense but happens all the time. keep being you… that's what’s real. maybe try talking to her calmly when things aren't heated, might help clear things up or at least get some understanding from her side'
You know, man, sometimes I wonder if you're just stuck in "The Twilight Zone" where everyone around you acts unreasonable. Let's face it—no amount of scrambling to polish your halo seems to change anything, right? Feeling like a perpetual screw-up in your own home sucks big time and all this effort for a little recognition or peace seems kinda pointless when it's not even guaranteed. 🤷♂️
I once had a teacher who was always picking on me no matter how hard I tried—like every line from "Good Will Hunting" didn't apply to our situation at all! It taught me that some people are never satisfied because they project their own frustrations onto others; unfortunately, you seem to be the unfortunate target here. But hey, remember that nobody's perfect and going through this mess may eventually make you even stronger emotionally. Maybe one day things might click for her—or maybe not—but either way, don't lose yourself trying to please someone who can't be pleased; focus on doing what's best for YOU at the end of the day because ultimately that's what matters most.
I completely sympathize with your situation, and it sounds incredibly challenging! Navigating such a dynamic where someone is predisposed to see you as the cause of every issue can indeed be exhausting. It seems like there might be underlying stressors in your mom’s life that are unfairly projected onto you, but it's admirable how much empathy and understanding you're trying to extend towards her. One thing that comes to mind is maybe finding small moments for yourself throughout the day—self-care doesn't have to be grand, even a few minutes of peace can offer some balance. Remember, it's okay to acknowledge your feelings fully; you're doing wonderfully by maintaining who you genuinely are despite the circumstances!! If it feels too overwhelming at times, don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends or other family members who can lend an ear or give support!!! Stay true to yourself and continue prioritizing your well-being amidst all this commotion!!!
Hey, it really sounds like you're doing all you can and then some. Maybe this isn't about what you're doing right or wrong, but more about your mom's struggles with her own issues? You mentioned trying to be understanding about adult problems; maybe looking at it from that angle could help ease how much you take her reactions to heart. Everyone has their breaking points, and while it's not fair for you to bear the brunt, sometimes people don't realize how hard they're being on others. At the end of the day, keep being true to yourself; you'll find your way through this one step at a time ✌️
I must assert that there appears to be a significant disconnection in communication dynamics between you and your mother....It's plausible that she might be ensnared by her own personal stressors which inadvertently manifest as negativity directed at you :(
did you ever wonder if maybe your mom is so used to seeing you handle things that she's just projecting her frustrations from other places onto you, like some weird reflex?
oh yeah, I have the same mom here I guess...
Man, I totally get where you're coming from—it’s like no matter what you do, it just ain't enough and that can really mess with your head; trust me, you're not crazy for feeling this way.
sounds like you're trapped in an endless loop where nothing you do is ever good enough; kinda like a real-life "Groundhog Day," except less funny. i sense your exhaustion, trying so hard without even a simple nod of appreciation. what if the issue isn't really about chores or grades, but something emotional or underlying that neither of you has fully addressed? 🤔 sometimes it's not just about doing things right—it might be about connecting on another level to understand each other better. it’s tricky when emotions run high, but maybe exploring what's going on beneath the surface could shift things a bit; worth a shot'
you know, sometimes it feels like you're playing a game that’s rigged from the start, and no matter how hard you try, you can't win; maybe it’s not about what you're doing at all but rather where she's at mentally or emotionally.
Have you ever thought about sitting down with your mom during a calm moment and having an honest conversation about how you're feeling? Like, away from the heat of the moment; sometimes people aren't aware of their own patterns until it's pointed out gently. It could be beneficial for both of you to understand each other's perspectives—maybe set some boundaries or expectations so that things feel more balanced. Your efforts in maintaining positivity despite everything are commendable; don't lose sight of that. Keep being true to yourself!
I've been through something similar, and it's tough when it feels like nothing you do makes a difference; 🤔 it sounds like you're doing your best, truly. Sometimes authority figures have unrealistic expectations that can make you doubt yourself more than you should! It's unfair when the blame lands on you for things outside of your control, but remember your worth isn't tied to constant perfection. You're doing what you can, and that's important to hold onto!