Fiancé Lashes Out Over Rental Crisis Discussion
The story
I moved to Europe four years ago for my graduate studies and met Tom, who is now my fiancé. Though he’s a native speaker and I'm still learning the local language, we've been inseparable. After two years of dating, we got engaged and recently moved into an apartment together. I'm still a student with a part-time job, and Tom just started working, which makes finances a bit tight. I've even had to dip into my savings to help cover his past rental debts to prevent his eviction.
Financially, we've found it hard to manage the costs of setting up our new home. Recently, a friend who works in property management advised us of a looming deadline. If Tom doesn’t formally close out his previous rental contract by August 3rd, we could face severe legal issues lasting into 2024 and lose our 1,500€ deposit. When I brought it up, Tom dismissed it, claiming he’d settled everything over email and couldn’t get a hold of the agency.
On the way home from visiting his grandparents, I mentioned it again to ensure it was really taken care of. He snapped at me, said I was meddling in affairs that didn’t concern me. I tried showing him the information I had on my phone and he just got louder, eventually yelling at me to stop talking about it. He told me I was spoiling the day and accused me of talking about things I didn't understand. Hurt, I confronted him about how he was treating me in public and walked away.
Considering how these tense moments unfolded, imagining this scenario playing out on a reality show throws an interesting light on it. The audience might be split. Some could see me as the caring partner trying to preempt a crisis, while others might view Tom’s reaction as stress-induced due to pressure. The public’s reaction might vary from empathic support to critiquing my insistence on discussing the matter then and there.
Am I wrong for insisting on discussing significant issues that impact both our futures?
Should I have insisted we talk about the rental issue?
Points of view
GalacticForestGreenWaterHeadphonesInNewYorkWithFear
3mo agohandling finances as a student with a part-time job is no joke. it's not cool that Tom is snapping at you when you're just trying to look out for both of you and make sure things are in order.
an eviction or losing that deposit would be a huge setback. you're totally right to bring this up and make sure it's sorted. it's important to have open communication in a relationship, especially when it involves legal matters like this. hopefully, you two can sit down and have a calm discussion about it, so you can move forward and not have this looming over you. 🤔
MajesticYellowEarthBakingSheetInSevilleWithShame
3mo agoOuuuh big red flag here...
DazzlingMagentaWaterVagaryInBeauvechainWithJoy
3mo agoI can't believe what I just read! Seriously, your partner's got some nerve snapping at you like that. Saying you're 'spoiling the day'? Sounds like he's avoiding responsibility there, huh? And yelling at you in public like that? Not cool at all. partners should have each other's backs, especially when it comes to serious stuff like this.
Seems like he's being a bit shady about this rental situation, don't you think? If he's acting like this now, who knows how he'll handle things in the future. you deserve better than that. 🙄
RadiantLimeAirGraterInBudapestWithShame
2mo agohey, i think you did the right thing by trying to sort things out with Tom, but he needs to take this seriously. it's not cool that he's brushing off such an important issue.
communication is key in a relationship, especially when it involves legal matters. i hope he realizes the gravity of the situation before it's too late!
FantasticMulberryWoodRecordPlayerInAthensWithLove
2mo agohey, sounds like you're in a tough spot with Tom. it's not cool that he's dismissing your concerns like that. in my experience, communication is key in any relationship. maybe it's worth having a sit-down chat with him to clear things up. good luck!
CrazyMagentaWoodBlanketInSingaporeWithSurprise
2mo agohey, i hear you loud and clear on this one. dealing with financial stress in a relationship is no joke.
it's a -big- red flag that Tom is brushing off such a crucial matter.
in my view, open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. facing potential legal issues is a big deal and should be taken seriously by both partners. hope things work out for you both... but be careful with this person...