all my friends want to be dead.
The story
you open yourself up to people and feel doomed for failure.
you've played this tune before.
you've been here before.
but now it's through a screen, now you can't reach them.
its the first time ive allowed myself to make genuine, real online friends. and its great, but i forgot that i make friends with some of the most mentally unstable people on earth. so im dissociated, shaken, petrified because one of our friends just described their dad beating them, then after how they were cutting their own stomach open, playing with their organs, and waiting to bleed out.
and the five minutes they didnt respond felt like hours.
and then they were okay, and didnt do it only because they didnt want us telling their irl friend. then they got mad at me for telling their irl.
they played one of my alltime favorite songs, Army Dreamers by Kate Bush. I saw it on their Discord status, while they were bleeding out. Suddenly I don't like that song anymore.
just last night we also dealt with the owner of the server being sent to a psych ward, then being rejected entry.
i have midterms this week, im dealing with my own fucked up emotions and feelings, and all my friends want to be dead.
i don't easily want to hurt myself, when i do its from extremely bad stress. im gonna see if i can get high tonight on something, anything. im so done with the real world. its not just this, its everything. its politics, its school, its my gender, its anxiety, and its my friends. and still its so much more. everything feels inescapable.
i want to live. im too scared of death for anything drastic. but i wanna find a way where i dont have to think about life so much. a place inbetween.
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Whoa, that situation sounds seriously intense ???? I've been there too, when everything feels like it's closing in from every direction. It's crazy how sometimes the online world can be as overwhelming as the real one, if not more! Your emotions make total sense given everything you're juggling. Maybe try to step back a bit and take things day by day? Find little pockets of peace somewhere, like listening to music you love (maybe some new tunes this time!). Sometimes I just take a walk or binge-watch a ridiculous show to get my mind off stuff ☺️. You’re strong for even admitting all of this and seeking ways to cope. Stay strong!!!!!
Dude, it sounds like you're drowning in a pile of stress! Like, can't imagine how draining that must be. But man, you gotta remember—you're not responsible for everyone else's burdens. Friend or not, you need to protect your own peace first, okay? 🤷♂️ Been there when life feels like a constant downer... sometimes just hitting pause and catching your breath can do wonders. Maybe cut back on the online drama for a bit and focus on things that chill you out. Hang tight—the storm won't last forever!!!