My married friend is using me as his emotional outlet
The story
My friend is married and has a wife and a kid. I love him platonically and I've often worried that us being close can be perceived as anything other than pure friendship. I'm a girl for context. We're both in our 20s. I've never been in a relationship, but all my friends including him are aware i'm not interested in dating. I'm also on the asexuality spectrum. Our friendshio has always been pure but things have been getting weird. I wonder if it's my fault. I'm heavily engaged in fandom things whereas he isn't. Anyway he'sknown since forever that I read fanfiction, even messed up kinds. Smut fic makes me fall asleep. Recently, he asked if there was any tropes i liked and I told him. But Idk why despite telling him im on the ace spectrum he kept relating it to me in a sexual way? It made me uncomfortable because i never imagine myself when I'm reading those. They've always been abstract to me. He's also recently been giving out hypothetical if i were single scenarios and I want to run away because it sounds like theres something more to it and I dont want any of that. I cant help but feel mad that he's being like this. I dont want to label but he's been dumping things on me emotionally that he won't dump on his wife, even though I've told him repeatedly he should.
My friend keeps telling me worrying things like sometimes he just wants to kill humself but what's the point and how he's numb and depressed. and same thing I tell him to talk to his wife or go to a therapist. It's been so draining and I'm getting so anxious. Like why are you being like this 😭
I love him dearly as a friend but how he's acting makes him seem like such a sleaze right now (i told him about things i like reading in fiction and he keep relating it to me sexually) and it's frustrating because he doesnt feel safe anymore :(
Stories in the same category
Points of view
It sounds like your friend is crossing some boundaries here; it's really important to maintain those clear lines, especially since you've communicated your discomfort and he's still not respecting it. Have you considered setting even firmer limits with him? It might be necessary to protect your peace and friendship long-term. 🤔
Yeah I told him to tone it down so i hope he stops it. Because I've already given him advice and it's his choice whether or not to listen. It's been affecting me mentally. I'm the avoidant type and it's a struggle not to just ghost him.
it seems like you've been clear about your boundaries and it's tough when they're not respected. It's understandable to feel drained with the emotional load he's placing on you; maybe taking a step back could give both of you some breathing room to reassess how to move forward in a healthier way. Your peace of mind is important too, so putting yourself first doesn't make you a bad friend!!
Thank you :( At times, I also question whether this is healthy. Like he seems emotionally reliant on me more than his wife and I don't know if that's right. (That or he could be messing with me, and somehow id rather that) I feel like i shouldn't interact with him for a bit. Sometimes I question if this is unintentional emotional cheating and I hate to be a part of it.
it sounds like you're in a tough spot with your friend, balancing the desire to support him while also needing to protect your own mental well-being 🥺. sometimes, even though we care deeply for someone, it's essential to establish boundaries for our own health. maybe you could express how much his words and actions are affecting you and reiterate that professional help might be more beneficial for him than relying solely on your friendship? remember it's okay to prioritize yourself too.
Man, this situation sounds like a mess. Honestly, it seems like your friend is leaning on you way too much for emotional support and it's not fair to you. You’ve been upfront about your boundaries and interests, but he's just not getting it? It might be time to have a more serious chat with him—or maybe even consider stepping back a bit if he can't respect where you're coming from. Remember, his problems aren't yours to fix, especially when they're starting to mess with your own peace of mind!!!
wow, it really sounds like you're dealing with a lot here 😔 have you ever thought about suggesting he join a community or group where he can talk through his feelings?
bro, sounds like your friend is carrying some major baggage and maybe dumping it all on you cause he sees you as a safe space, but damn if he's twisting everything into something sexual when you're not about that life, it’s time to draw the line hard.
mate, he's clearly not respecting your boundaries and it's messing with your head. ever think about how he's using you as an emotional crutch instead of dealing with his own issues? it sounds like emotional cheating to me; maybe cut back on hanging out or talking for a bit. no need to carry his baggage around when he should be sorting it out himself 🤷♂️ stand your ground, protect yourself first!
it's really tough when you have to navigate friendships where boundaries get blurry like this... i can totally see why you'd feel so uncomfortable with how things are going. honestly, it sounds like he's leaning on you in ways that are more appropriate for a therapist or partner rather than a friend. the pressure of managing someone else's emotional baggage can be overwhelming, especially when it's affecting your peace of mind!!! maybe consider taking a break from the friendship if it continues to take a toll on you, just until things cool down. it's perfectly okay to step back without feeling guilty—your mental health is super important!
how are you supposed to maintain a friendship when it feels like your friend can't respect basic boundaries; have you thought about how his actions might impact his marriage as well?
i feel ya, this is a sticky situation 😬. honestly, sounds like your buddy might be projecting his own struggles onto you and that’s super unfair. not to mention it can really take a toll on your mental health when you're constantly being someone's emotional crutch, especially if they're ignoring the boundaries you've set. sometimes people undervalue their partner's support but here's my two cents: maybe it'd help if he found someone in a similar position as him to talk to about these things so he doesn't dump them all on you. totally okay if you need some space—gotta look out for numero uno too!
your situation sounds like a real tightrope walk, and i can totally see why you're feeling torn. it's like you're stuck between wanting to be there for him and feeling like he's dragging you into something more complicated than just friendship;;; having been through something slightly similar myself, I remember how exhausting it can be when a friend leans too hard on you emotionally without considering your boundaries. maybe he's not doing this intentionally but that doesn't change how it's affecting you; perhaps creating clear distance might help clarify things for both of you. there's also the possibility that he sees in you an outlet because you're not judging him, which feels safe—not necessarily in a romantic way (although that's definitely worth keeping an eye on), but simply as someone who listens; however, don't let yourself become an emotional sponge! set some firm lines about what you're willing to discuss or engage with, and see how he responds. your own peace is just as important as his needs, and sometimes taking a step back gives everyone involved the chance to really reflect and understand where they're at💡
navigating a friendship when boundaries become blurred can indeed be distressing, especially when your emotional well-being is at stake. it's commendable that you have set clear boundaries and communicated your discomfort to him; this demonstrates self-awareness and assertiveness in safeguarding your mental health. perhaps it might be beneficial to express your concerns about the nature of his emotional dependency on you, emphasizing the importance of channeling such discussions towards his partner or a professional therapist instead. encouraging him to explore therapeutic avenues could alleviate some of the pressure you currently experience while potentially helping him manage his own issues more effectively; though challenging, having an open dialogue may illuminate any misunderstanding and lead towards healthier interactions within both his marriage and friendship with you 🙂
ugh, sounds like you're stuck in a tough spot; it's clear you're trying to keep things on a friendly level, but maybe he's crossing lines he shouldn't; thinking of what you've mentioned, it might be worth considering if his behavior could harm your friendship in the long run.
navigating complex friendships where boundaries aren't respected can be incredibly challenging, especially when it feels like you're shouldering responsibilities that shouldn't fall on you; it's critical to establish clear limits for your own well-being. his reliance on you rather than talking to his wife or seeking professional help could indicate a deeper issue he's struggling with, and while it's understandable to want to support him, there's a point where it becomes too burdensome. perhaps exploring ways to gently guide him towards other support systems might alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling, allowing both you and him space to process things independently;
It sounds like things are getting real sticky, and it's probably time to have a heart-to-heart with him about how this is all making you feel; being upfront might be tough, but it could help set the boundaries that will keep your friendship from morphing into something you're not comfortable with.
sounds like you're in a bit of a bind here;;; he's clearly overstepping some boundaries and maybe doesn't even realize it. it's honestly mind-boggling that he keeps linking your interests to something sexual despite you telling him it's not the case. what do you think his wife would say if she knew how much he leans on you emotionally rather than her? maybe bringing that up might make him reconsider his actions... but bottom line, don't let yourself be dragged into this chaos—your mental health comes first!