My married friend is using me as his emotional outlet
The story
My friend is married and has a wife and a kid. I love him platonically and I've often worried that us being close can be perceived as anything other than pure friendship. I'm a girl for context. We're both in our 20s. I've never been in a relationship, but all my friends including him are aware i'm not interested in dating. I'm also on the asexuality spectrum. Our friendshio has always been pure but things have been getting weird. I wonder if it's my fault. I'm heavily engaged in fandom things whereas he isn't. Anyway he'sknown since forever that I read fanfiction, even messed up kinds. Smut fic makes me fall asleep. Recently, he asked if there was any tropes i liked and I told him. But Idk why despite telling him im on the ace spectrum he kept relating it to me in a sexual way? It made me uncomfortable because i never imagine myself when I'm reading those. They've always been abstract to me. He's also recently been giving out hypothetical if i were single scenarios and I want to run away because it sounds like theres something more to it and I dont want any of that. I cant help but feel mad that he's being like this. I dont want to label but he's been dumping things on me emotionally that he won't dump on his wife, even though I've told him repeatedly he should.
My friend keeps telling me worrying things like sometimes he just wants to kill humself but what's the point and how he's numb and depressed. and same thing I tell him to talk to his wife or go to a therapist. It's been so draining and I'm getting so anxious. Like why are you being like this 😭
I love him dearly as a friend but how he's acting makes him seem like such a sleaze right now (i told him about things i like reading in fiction and he keep relating it to me sexually) and it's frustrating because he doesnt feel safe anymore :(
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Points of view
It sounds like your friend is crossing some boundaries here; it's really important to maintain those clear lines, especially since you've communicated your discomfort and he's still not respecting it. Have you considered setting even firmer limits with him? It might be necessary to protect your peace and friendship long-term. 🤔
Yeah I told him to tone it down so i hope he stops it. Because I've already given him advice and it's his choice whether or not to listen. It's been affecting me mentally. I'm the avoidant type and it's a struggle not to just ghost him.
it seems like you've been clear about your boundaries and it's tough when they're not respected. It's understandable to feel drained with the emotional load he's placing on you; maybe taking a step back could give both of you some breathing room to reassess how to move forward in a healthier way. Your peace of mind is important too, so putting yourself first doesn't make you a bad friend!!
Thank you :( At times, I also question whether this is healthy. Like he seems emotionally reliant on me more than his wife and I don't know if that's right. (That or he could be messing with me, and somehow id rather that) I feel like i shouldn't interact with him for a bit. Sometimes I question if this is unintentional emotional cheating and I hate to be a part of it.