Clueless
The story
It feels very uncomfortable when you had weeks (Eid Mubarak holidays) just being drenched in your room and not doing anything besides doom-scrolling on whatever the fuck sake platform you are on, I just felt like that because I felt so many things are so pointless whether I tried so many stuff so many stuff to do so I have some purpose, I don't really feel that my own self is very anxious, but generally I think I do because how many times I felt not being able to speak, but you know what I just found out I can really reach out to speak to any people, It's just I can't manage that how people would like to perceive myself, When I tried to be myself i just think that I am so fragile to being social 'cause of the words I am arranging that may be apparently awkward, this happens to so many groups of people I am trying to fit in, it turns out to be not so good, and all of these, me being very awkward makes myself being so outrageous and indecisive because I can't be better, I almost wiped out half of my house interiors because of all of the suffering, but I've had the chance of being serene for myself because I had this one girl I can be friends with, now I felt like me and her are just a distant acquintances because for some reason she's attracted with the group of boys in my class, this particular group of boys is the one I've tried to reach out with and felt so fragile because I cannot adapt with their behaviours and banter, that's why I didn't try to get to her again, and then I've tried to DM her, asking if we can be friends again like so back, she replied that we'll be friends no matter what, all the agony from myself got supressed after I chatted to her about this, but turns out it's just a short-term of cooling down, in the next few days I sent her messages that is left on read, now it gaves so much clarity that any of these being fit to the society shit are pointless, I've worsened myself because I am in the current phase of being indecisive because I'm tired of my attempts, But you know I would like to know if it keeps even getting worse so that I can enliven this shit instead of giving me frenzy BS that keeps make me despairing every hope, If you read this maybe you would be speechless because I may be typing shit, but if you understood any of these I'll be in touch for your insights whether it's a critic with blasphemy or not.
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Points of view
oh wow, it seems like you're really struggling with figuring out where you fit in, and honestly, it's understandable! being stuck in that cycle of feeling awkward and then doubting yourself even more is tough!!! i've been there myself...constantly worrying about how people see me can feel so overwhelming sometimes. but maybe instead of focusing on trying to fit into specific groups, try to find comfort in just being yourself? remember, it's okay if some friendships evolve or drift apart over time!
Man, that sounds like a real rollercoaster of emotions you're going through!! I totally get how trying to fit into different groups can feel like such a grind... It's almost like no matter what you do, it just doesn't seem to work out. 😅 Just remember, sometimes it's those little moments of connection, even if they're brief, that can make a big difference. Maybe focusing on what makes you happy and doing things for yourself rather than worrying about how others see you might lighten the load? Keep your head up!
i feel you, man, dealing with those moods is exhausting. sounds like you're caught in a loop of trying too hard to fit in and feeling anxious about it. 😕 maybe it's time to step back and focus on what genuinely brings you joy rather than worrying about how others perceive you? sometimes just being true to yourself can attract the right people into your life naturally. hang in there!