I might’ve permanently destroyed a friendship

I hurt my friends seriously and now they likely can’t stand me. They still follow me on Instagram and are friends with me on discord, not to mention reply to my messages on Instagram but it’s sparingly.

I will be frank, I have serious attachment issues that reared their ugly head. I had introduced them and was jealous they got close and lashed out on them unfairly. I honestly didn’t know about these issues but after doing introspection I figured that out.

We were in a writing community that the three of us ran, I created it, on discord. I took a hiatus saying I’d be back in January but every night I am anxious and can’t sleep. I am irritable, jealous, depressed, and on the verge of tears everyday. I don’t vent to them like I used to, and I don’t talk about my full pains bc I feel like they’ll think I’m judging them. But idk what to do.

I feel like they hate me and would be better off without me. And I love and cherish them so much I am constantly beating myself up.

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