My best friend doesn't see me as an individual
The story
My best friend and I have known each other for a long time. Our views used to align, or at least be similar enough. But over the past few years, she has been changing her mind about a lot of things, and now we have very few topics that we agree on. These aren't trivial things either, like the best snacks or most interesting movies. I'm talking about things like politics and core beliefs. I have no problem with her changing her mind on these things. I have another friend that has always had completely different values than me, and we're fine because we understand who the other person is and what they believe in, and we move on. That's why I have an issue with my best friend right now. It always seems like she's expecting me to be on her side, even though I've expressed my opinions on these issues many times over the years and she knows where I stand. Every time I disagree with her, which is becoming more and more frequent, she acts shocked, like she didn't expect it. Granted, I can be a pushover a lot of the time for smaller things, and she knows that, but I have always stood firm in my beliefs, and I thought she knew that as well. The conversation will go like this: she brings up a topic randomly and says "that's weird, right?" already leaving little room for me to disagree. I reply with something along the lines of "no, I don't think it's weird" and I leave it at that because I hate debating and just want to avoid this (which she is fully aware of). She then gets confused and asks me why it's not weird to me, and then I have to explain my perspective, which has been the same for years and shouldn't be new information to her. It's almost as if, in her mind, I'm more of an extension of her than my own person. At least that's how I feel.
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Points of view
Hmm, this story's a bit hard to swallow, honestly; I mean, I get it, friends change, but it sounds like you're putting all the blame on your friend.
Aren't we all entitled to grow and evolve in our beliefs? Let me tell you, I've been there too, where friends seemed to be on different wavelengths. But maybe your friend is just trying to understand where you're coming from, not treating you like an extension of herself. I remember a time when I thought my buddy suddenly didn't get me, but it turned out I was just not open to discussing changes. Maybe instead of shutting down, you could try having a real sit-down chat with her. Perhaps you'll see each other's points of view more clearly instead of feeling cornered; it might not be as dramatic as you think.
EmeraldEmeraldIceXanthophyllInRomeWithExcitement
3d agoyeah, i see what you're saying, and i mostly vibe with it 🤔 it's like, aren't friendships supposed to be flexible or something i think you're spot on with the idea that maybe op's friend just wants to get where they're coming from like "walk a mile in my shoes" kinda deal 💡 but then again isn't it possible that op's friend is acting a bit self-centered without even realizing it who knows maybe this is one of those "communication is key" situations but at the same time talking things out might not solve all the problems 🤷♂️ sometimes folks just drift apart and that's just life
I completely understand where you’re coming from. If it were just her being interested in my thoughts on these things, I wouldn’t be this upset about it, albeit a little confused because, as I mentioned, she already knows where I stand. That’s pretty much how conversations with my other friend goes. We’re not arguing at all, just both explaining our opinions, and then we leave it at that. I have no issue with that; I’m actually interested in learning about the opposite side on some topics. However, she’s not just discussing these things, she is actively trying to get me to side with her. She’s not asking me for my opinion out of sheer curiosity, she truly doesn’t understand why I have a different viewpoint and can’t really accept it, as if I was the one that started changing my mind when all I’ve done is stay solid in my beliefs. Like I mentioned, I hate debating in any way and try to avoid it at all costs, and she knows that, but continues to do this. I definitely see how this comes off as placing all the blame on her, and I will admit that in the moment of writing this, I was really frustrated because it had just happened again. Another thing she likes to do is make snide comments about the LGBTQ+ community, which I am a part of, and then expect me to agree with her. She had just done that, and I really just couldn’t deal with it again. After rereading my original post, I was definitely kinda harsh, and I apologize. Thank you so much for replying and checking my behavior.
For me, her apparent astonishment at your consistent beliefs highlights a lack of perceptual acuity on her part, which certainly exacerbates interpersonal tensions... 😒
I totally hear you on this one!!! 😊 friendships can be tricky when beliefs start shifting around... it sounds like you value your perspectives and stand by them, which is awesome. it's kinda sad she seems surprised when you voice your stance, but maybe she's just caught up in her own views🤔. communication might really help clear the air, and it's great you're open to that!!! perhaps with some open chats, you both can find that middle ground or at least respect each other's differences more!!! keep being true to yourself because that's the most important thing!!!