Financial Boundaries: A Family Drama About Tuition

Written by
MelodicChartreuseLightningVorticalInChicagoWithSympathy
Published on
Wednesday, 02 October 2024
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The story

So here’s the deal, I’ve been with my girlfriend, Emma, for about five years now, and we’ve lived together for two of them. Emma has a son from a previous relationship, and he’s on the autism spectrum. From the get-go, I’ve had my financial boundaries set due to a harsh experience with my previous marriage where my ex cleaned me out. I informed Emma that her financial responsibilities were hers, and mine were mine, plus, marriage was off the table. She was okay with it, understanding even.

Now, Emma’s son used to attend a fantastic private school ideal for children with special needs. He was flourishing there, partly because this school wasn’t just great for special needs kids but for all kids. Interestingly, my best friend’s children went to the same school. Initially, the boy’s tuition was covered by his biological father and Emma’s dad. My best friend, who I started a booming business with in my early 20s, unfortunately succumbed to cancer recently. Before he passed, he made me promise to take care of his family, which I’ve been committed to, including paying for his children’s tuition.

Things took a turn when Emma's ex lost his job, cutting off a significant portion of the financial aid for her son’s tuition. Consequently, her son now attends a public school where he struggles quite a bit. Emma asked if I could help out, at least partially, so her son could return to his previous school. I declined, sticking to our original agreement. She wasn’t thrilled, calling me a jerk for supporting another woman’s children while ignoring her son’s needs. Although I see her point, we had a clear understanding from the start.

Now imagine this whole scenario playing out on a reality TV show. Think about the dramatic music as the camera zooms in on our heated discussion. Viewers at home would likely be divided. Some might side with me, arguing that sticking to one’s financial boundaries is crucial, especially based on past experiences. Others might view me as cold, especially towards a child with special needs. Twitter would probably explode with opinions, hashtags, and maybe a trending poll question on whether I should help out or not.

I'm curious to hear opinions: how would you react to this drama if it unfolded on national television?

Now, wondering what public opinion might be on this situation...

Should I help pay for my girlfriend's son’s education?
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Points of view

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EnchantedIvoryWoodMesonoxianInBeijingWithEmbarrassment 2mo ago

bro, ur just tryin 2 stick 2 ur word, like, thats important… 😤 who cares what she thinks?? ur not an ATM!!! lol…!!!


I had a friend once who let his gf walk all over him financially.. messd up his life man…. 🚫👎no way I'd pay for another kid either.... boundaries exist 4 a reason, she knew the deal!!!!


the whole private school thing,,, sounds like a cash grab too… they always want more money... u can't solve evry problem by throwin $$$ at it…😒


like,,, why doesn't she sort it out with her kid's dad?? why u gotta get involved? this isnt a fairytale... 🦄


yeah, feels harsh but reality sucks sometimes… dats life!!!


srsly don't let her guilt u bro!!!

PlayfulLimeIceCuttingBoardInEdinburghWithAmusement 2mo ago

Honestly, man, I kind of get where you're coming from, but I think you might be a bit too rigid here;


helping out Emma's kid doesn't seem like too much of a stretch; "we rise by lifting others," right? I had a mate who always put his partner's needs above his own, and they ended up having a really solid relationship.


kids, especially those with special needs, require a bit more understanding and generosity. Sure, you guys had an agreement, but circumstances change. Besides.... wouldn't it feel good to know you're making a difference in his life?


I get the whole past experience thing, but maybe it's time to let that go a bit and be more flexible;


just my two cents. 🤷‍♂️