My best friend (maybe)
The story
So this will be absolutely pathetic and dumb to write and when I'm an adult I'll read this and cringe at my teenage self, but I honestly do not care. I'm sick of always thinking what people will think of me and maybe this is dumb considering this is just a online best friend but it's important to me because I've never really had any real life friends due to the fact Im not allowed to go outside alone and the fact I haven't gone to school for half of my life due to some things (Ill be going in September or October so no worries)
SO! Theres this girl let's call her Lauren. Me and her met in late December 2023 and we instantly clicked we become best friends soo quickly every late night we would chat for hours and hours about so many things, like that one time we talked about what personalities cakes would have and how they would look. We ended up saying red velvet cake and coffee cake are half siblings and she even made a story of coffee cake falling in love with another cake. And it was soooo fun to read lol and I remember one time we were talking about mafia wattpad stories and making jokes of how they act and I was like "what character would you be?" And she said "the mafia boss how about you?" And I was like "omg I'd be the driver the mafia family driver, I'd be your best friend" AND THAT ONE TIME it was so cool. I basically liked detective stories a lot so we decided to make names for ourselves, she was detective Kenny and I was detective John and we would skip walk together and one time we both liked this cartoon called the owl house so we started thinking how would we meet if we were in that cartoon and she said we would meet in the library. and one time she made a story for me. She knew I liked mage stuff and she does too sooooooooooo she made a mage story about us!!!! Theres only chapter one but it's so good and funny and the character she made based off me is like.. So me!!! She also made a character based off her and they're both supposed to be friends
I'm sorry for the rant but like it just hurts, theyre such good memories but I ruined everything by letting my emotions control me
In June 2024 she started to um ghost me a lot, for a bunch of days nonstop. I knew she was struggling so badly so I told her not to apologize for being MIA and to take her time.
I tried whatever way I could to help her, I tried reading about depression and anxiety to try and understand her, reading about foods and teas that help with moods, sending her advice, drawings, comforting messages.
I was being so suffocating and I didn't even realize it
She kept doing it until July 2025 or June 2025 I honestly can't recall. And each time I kept sending her messages and tried to be there for her but it's like she kept this wall between us. She said she didnt like it when I get worried about her and she seemed kinda mad at me that time she vented in February and it hurt but I just swallowed it because well I didn't want to put more on her plate but in the end I did
I just felt so frustrated. I kept trying to communicate with her telling her do you want space do you want me to leave you alone and telling her my point of view. All very gently. But she just ignored all of my attempts. She kept everything so brief, each conversation just made the knot in my chest grow tighter. It's like she wasn't even there and I kept getting even more and more concerned for her.
Then, after ghosting me again. She messaged me with an apology "sorry I was gone" it was a long message. Telling me sorry and that she's okay things are just hectic. That she just doesn't have anything to say?
I just immediately cried honestly because I just constantly felt like a jar thats on the verge of breaking from the amount of water that keeps dropping in it, I felt that way towards everything in my life
So I was in a miserable mood because of many things. We chatted for a while. It wasn't a happy convo it just felt like we were strangers who knew some things about each other. I kept talking and she would answer. Not asking about me like usual
Then, she said some things that just made me even more upset "I missed you too yk?" "What if we set a time in the week where we could talk"
I told her "we don't have to, Id just Yap your ear off"
"I'll listen to the yapping"
"Theres nothing to Yap about anymore, just take care of you"
Then we just said a few words and she didn't continue after that. I felt hurt because holy shit I really was the only one trying to have a conversation. I just felt so upset because I sent her so many messages saying I missed her and that I'm sorry if I ever made her feel suffocated and telling her what's your boundaries what friend do you want do you want me to leave you alone? I opened my whole heart, and tried to make it a safe space for her but she just didn't respond for 22 days
So I said "I hate you" and the sick thing is I was basically staring at the message before sending it, I knew what I was doing but I still sent it. It was wrong and immature
Thats why, 14 hours later, after I woke up I decided to go apologize and admit that I was wrong
Just to find out Im basically blocked everywhere. I panicked. Which was probably Karma cuz I think that's how she felt when I told her I hated her
I just immediately sent her a message on a alt account she didn't know I had and apologized, so many times. I admitted that I was wrong and that I'm sorry and things like that and properly told her my view of point
I told her so many things and so many apologies
She didn't respond and it's been 40 days
Wooooo! Blocked 40 days anniversary!!!🎉🎉🎉
Can we celebrate 60 days guys? Stay tuned!
Look, I'm not trying to make myself a victim here. I was very much in the wrong. I got so frustrated of it constantly feeling like I was speaking to wall, frustrated of constantly feeling ignored by friends and family both online and real life. The pathetic thing is the need for attention sometimes gets so bad I just get a itching on my neck and a bunch of other things. I can't ignore it because I can feel it physically and as a president of the attention whore club it's been hard, hashtag attention drought
But I shouldn't have projected it onto her. I was wrong and I admit that
I just thought maybe she would care that I'm struggling but what did I expect if even my own parents didn't care?
The last message I sent her was telling her I wouldn't bother her anymore unless she makes it clear she wants me to.
And I'm not trying to victimize myself or anything or insult her. She did her best with me and she doesn't owe me a thing. I apologized to her but I won't bother her anymore now unless she accepts my apology but i'm not expecting her to cuz what I said was bitchy
She means so much to me and I didnt mean it when I said I hated her. I never hated her theres nothing to hate about her. I was so immature
I already made everything clear to her in the messages I sent her after saying I hated her. It's too long to list but I told her I didnt hate her and that I'm in the wrong and that I'm sorry and a bunch of other things
Anyway, sorry for this long rant. I just wanted to let this out of my chest because it felt like it was eating at me
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, I get you're venting, and I'm not trying to be harsh, but it really sounds like you were overwhelming her a bit. Like, we all hate being ghosted, but sometimes people just need space; maybe she was dealing with her own stuff and just couldn't handle the amount of messages and pressure you were sending her way. Look, we've all been there, saying stuff we don’t really mean when we're upset, but the whole "I hate you" thing was a low blow, even if you didn't mean it. Sometimes it's better to pull back and let people come to you when they're ready; constantly bombarding someone with messages can feel suffocating. And that sarcastic "40 days anniversary" bit? Not really helping your case, bud 😐
it feels like you might've gone overboard with the constant messages. in my experience, sometimes stepping back is the best thing you can do; people need their space, especially when they're going through stuff!!! I know it sucks to feel ignored and like you're the only one putting in effort, but friendships are a two-way street. maybe it's worth reflecting on how you can approach things differently next time??? I had a similar situation once, and giving them room to breathe made all the difference. it's tough, but sometimes letting go a little can actually bring you closer.
Yeah I've been reflecting a lot on this lately. I guess back then I was feeling so emotional and afraid that I didn't take a second to think properly but there's no good reason for acting this way. Thank you so much for this message by the way :) I'll definitely try to improve myself and not be as suffocating in other situations like I was in this one
it is truly unfortunate you were faced with such challenges in maintaining the friendship. you clearly valued the connection and made substantial efforts. it seems she may not have communicated her needs effectively either. isn't it frustrating when open communication could resolve so much??? it’s commendable you already recognized your role and apologized. people can get overwhelmed, and it's natural. do you believe the friendship could still be salvaged if she reaches out?? just remember, every experience offers a lesson, and this could lead to healthier relationships in the future!!!
Thank you so much for this message and for the reminder 🤍 I really appreciate your lovely words. I definitely learned my lesson from this situation and I've been reflecting on my behavior with her a lot. I wasnt acting like a good friend but if she ever reaches out, I'm willing to change the way I behave with her and give her space when she needs it. Shes truly an angel in my life and means so much to me but I dont blame her if she doesn't reach out I'll just respect her decision. Thank you again for your message
you were obviously invested in this friendship and made substantial efforts to support her. at the same time, it's important to recognize when your attempts at communication may have been excessive; boundaries are crucial. she, too, could have communicated her needs more clearly. "sometimes the silence is the loudest thing we can hear." maybe it's time to reflect on your own needs and move forward. it's great you're open to learning from this experience 🙂
it's clear that you genuinely cared about this friendship, and your efforts to reach out were well-intentioned. sometimes we invest a lot emotionally without realizing how our actions might affect others. i've been there too, and it's tough when you're the only one trying to keep the connection alive. it's significant that you acknowledged your mistakes and apologized. this shows growth and a willingness to learn. in the future, maintaining a balance between supporting someone and respecting their space can be beneficial 😊 keep your chin up; every experience is a stepping stone toward better relationships!
while I appreciate your dedication to the friendship, it seems like an overextension on your part. maintaining a healthy equilibrium in relationships is crucial, and overwhelming someone with constant attention can be counterproductive. there's a valuable lesson here about respecting boundaries; from my own experience, stepping back and reassessing when efforts aren't reciprocated can prevent emotional exhaustion. your efforts to apologize are commendable, but it feels like you may need to introspect on why you allowed it to affect you so deeply. remember, as the saying goes, "you can't pour from an empty cup." take care of your own emotional well-being first.
honestly, it's tough when you pour a lot into a friendship and it feels one-sided. sounds like you genuinely cared and wanted to be there for her, but sometimes people just drift apart, and that's hard to accept. she might've needed her space, and that's okay too. it's good that you recognized your missteps and apologized, but also take this as a lesson on maintaining boundaries. not every friendship lasts forever, and that's part of life. keep your head up, and focus on relationships where there is mutual effort 🙂