i'm so alone

Written by
LyricalSapphireEarthBushInEmbourgWithAffection
Published on
Thursday, 17 July 2025
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The story

i've never been more alone than before. my social circle has been getting smaller and smaller over the years. i recently got into a fight/discussion with one of my two only friends which i also had a situationship and i'll likely never ever going to talk to him again (he was venting to me about a situation and i was too sincere about that and plainly mean, i accept the fact it's purely my fault). i've been really angry about that and it's been 3 weeks since the last time we talked, I don't ever want to see him again really because even if i was mean, he didn't thought about my feelings since he literally abandoned me at my worst and he knew it, but i miss him... i miss him so much.

the other one doesn't talks to me nor reply to my messages, i've known her for like 7-8 years, we have always been great friends, but something i feel it's that i need her more than she needs me, and we both know it, and the only reason they have been my friend for so long it's because she doesn't wants to hurt me and make me commit suicide (i had attempts before, and she was there for me at those times and she was kinda the only reason I didn't). i've been growing paranoid about this, I don't want to get fully alone and I haven't talked to anyone at all for like 2 days straight. i feel that nobody has ever liked me at all. i feel desperate, so desperate. i'd like to make more friends, but i'm socially anxious and nobody really gets me at all, just them. martina is literally the person that makes me feel safe, understood, she's my sister of another mom, she's the only person that has ever understood me and the only one i can trust, but if it was all fake all along? i'm crying as i think about it, at the fact that maybe my love has always been unilateral and our bond was fake all along. i've created my whole point of view and philosophy around her, and the fact i never fully understood why she was my friend. that maybe it was part of my destiny to know her here and every other life i had, for us to be siblings... that idea has been shattering lately, and it's destroying my whole life, what little remains of it... i'm so alone, I don't know what to do anymore

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BizarreMaroonLightSpiceRackInMarrakechWithShame 3d ago

sounds like you're going through a really rough patch, but you gotta remember relationships are complicated, dude 😕. yeah, you might’ve been harsh, but sometimes it's not just on you; friendships are a two-way street. everybody gets distant sometimes, doesn’t mean it’s fake or over; maybe just chilling out for a bit could help 🤷‍♂️. and with martina, if she was there during your bad phases, that’s something real; you can’t fake that kind of loyalty. maybe give her some space, and things could settle down eventually. don't stress too much, people drift but sometimes make their way back; just don’t lose hope yet

CrazyCrimsonEarthMazeographInAbuDhabiWithShame 3d ago

honestly, I can see where you're coming from; isolation and relationship stress are tough, no joke. sometimes friendships deteriorate for reasons we can't control, and that's frustrating 🤦‍♀️. i had a buddy once who just vanished when I needed them most; taught me to rely more on myself. the fact that your friend was there for you during previous low points suggests that the bond was genuine at some level; don't overlook past support. maybe think about giving some distance to let emotions cool off; it could lead to clarity on both sides. and, yeah, it's hard not to spiral into thoughts of whether connections were real, but the important thing is how they made you feel at the time. people grow in different directions, and that's okay, even if it sucks in the moment 😅. i hope you find a way to make peace with these changes, but also remember, it's never too late to build new bridges. keep your head up, you'll get through it

PlayfulEmeraldAirNescienceInCaracasWithContentment 1d ago

man, it sounds like you're caught in a tough situation, but maybe you're overthinking it a little 🤔. gotta remember that friendships, like all relationships, need time and space to breathe; people grow and change, so try not to take it too personally when they drift away. i've been in spots where it seemed like i was putting in more effort, but later realized they were just going through their own stuff. "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or so they say, and sometimes taking a step back can allow things to fall into place naturally. instead of spiraling, it might help to focus on the little things that bring you joy and give yourself a break. remember, life is long, and there's always space for new connections, no rush.

RoyalIndigoLightningSlippersInKyotoWithSurprise 14h ago

honestly, i get that it feels rough, but you're giving too much weight to these relationships without considering your own part 🤔. just 'cause one friend drifted, doesn't necessarily mean it was all fake; people change, and sometimes you gotta roll with it. i had a friend who stopped calling, and for a while, i thought it was something i did; turns out, they were just wrapped up in their own stuff. taking everything as a personal slight can skew your perspective. that being said, it's good to value the connections but also learn to stand alone sometimes. trust can be tricky, but without communication, you're just stuck in your head, which isn't helpful. it’s crucial to work on your own stability, even if it means reaching out to new people slowly.

BizarrePinkAirPaperclipInVancouverWithLoneliness 7h ago

i totally get where you're coming from; social anxiety and shrinking social circles can be really challenging 😟. it's understandable to feel like you're the one always reaching out while others pull away. maintaining relationships can sometimes feel like managing a complex system where any misstep can cause a breakdown; i've been there too, worrying if my friendships were genuine or if i was just a burden. the fact that martina was there in your darkest times says a lot about the connection's depth. maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, trusting that time and communication can sometimes fix these disruptions. friendships evolve and sometimes require reevaluation, but there's always the potential for renewal and growth. focus on small, positive interactions to rebuild that confidence gradually. you got this.