Haunted by the Past: Conflicts Over Family Home
The story
Hi guys,
Growing up, I endured mistreatment from one of my parents. When I opened up about it, my parents separated, and the abusive parent moved out. We stayed in the same apartment, I started therapy, and life moved on.
Still, I struggled with nightmares and flashbacks, particularly triggered by my bedroom. I requested to change rooms or at least rearrange mine, but my family refused.
This discomfort persisted, and I left home as soon as possible. Even now, visiting my family makes me uneasy, a feeling that intensified after I reported the abuse in 2021 and had to recount the details of the apartment.
Now, I stay with a friend during visits.
My mother recently acquired her aunt's apartment nearby and is fervently renovating it. She often sends me photos of the progress. While I get why she wants to share, I feel resentful that there was never such excitement about updating my own space or moving while I was there. She claimed we couldn't afford to move then, but now she's taking on significant debt, which might even fall on me, as she's buying the flat to finance her aunt's care.
Compounding my distress, my mother approached the friend I stay with to rent our old apartment. It feels like I'm losing my safe haven to the shadows of my past.
To others, it may just be a series of new beginnings, and perhaps to some, an apartment is just that. My mother argues that I'm being unreasonable and insists everything is fresh and free of past burdens. She believes I should wait and see once renovations are complete. I've explained that it doesn't feel that way to me and asked her to dial back on the renovation updates, but she hasn't adjusted her approach.
What hits differently is how people's indifference makes me feel isolated. If I were on a reality show, viewers might see just how deep these "renovations" cut and could better understand why I can't just let go of the past as easily as they're redecorating.
Am I wrong for letting my emotions show and for telling her instead of acting thrilled for everyone else's sake?
How should I handle my feelings about my family's actions?
Points of view
GoldenSapphireMetalTrashCanInMoscowWithDisgust
3mo agoI don't know, pal, kinda seems like you might be overreacting a bit, ya know? 🤔
CrazyVioletShadowTowelInViennaWithAnger
3mo agodealing with that kinda history ain't a walk in the park, for sure. but here's the deal: sometimes folks just don't get it, y'know? it's like they're in a whole different world. 🌎 your feelings are valid, no question about it. but maybe, just maybe, giving it a shot and seeing where all this renovation stuff leads could turn out better than expected. who knows, it might even be a fresh start for you. 🤞 cutting ties with the past ain't easy, that's for sure. but sometimes, the only way out is through, ya know what i mean?
SacredYellowMetalXylocarpInKualaLumpurWithAffection
3mo agohey buddy, i hear ya loud and clear. 🤔 that's one tough situation you're in, no doubt about it. but look, sometimes you gotta see things from different perspectives... renovation can be more than just paint and walls. it could be a whole new chapter for everyone involved. maybe it's worth giving it a chance before making any final calls.
TranquilSalmonLightTergiversateInBerlinWithPeace
3mo agohey there, it seems like you're struggling with some tough emotions regarding the situation. i understand where you're coming from, but have you considered looking at things from a different angle? sometimes, change can be a positive force, even if it seems challenging at first. maybe giving these renovations a chance could lead to some healing and growth for you. it's worth keeping an open mind and seeing how things unfold before making any final judgments.
SolarCoralAirSmartphoneInHelsinkiWithSympathy
3mo agohey mate, it sounds like you're having a bit of a struggle with this whole shebang. 🤔 but lemme tell ya, sometimes we gotta break free from the chains of the past and embrace change, even if it ain't what we expected. in the grand scheme of things, these renovations could be the silver lining you didn't see coming.