House Renovation Stories

My father-in-law is undoubtedly generous but also possesses what he jokingly calls "the jerk gene," which means he often disregards others' desires. Ever since my husband, Alex, and I moved in with his brother, my father-in-law made a surprising move. He purchased the house next door, which was on sale for a bargain, intending it for us. After discussing with his financial advisor, it was agreed that the house title would be shared between him and Alex. We would handle all taxes and utilities, and eventually, the property would be Alex’s inheritance.

Here’s where it gets complicated. The house is quite rundown and needs significant renovations. Initially, Alex and I agreed that we would manage the renovations. Having a background in restoring old family homes, I was more equipped in this area than Alex, who isn’t too familiar with home improvements. Despite this, my father-in-law refuses to communicate with me directly about the house renovations. It’s incredibly frustrating as Alex becomes a go-between, passing messages and clarifications back and forth.

The tension escalated today when Alex told me that his father insists on approving any major renovations over $5,000, even though we are financing them. He wants to have a say in everything from the choice of tiles to the light fixtures. Fed up, I sent all my correspondence with our selected contractor (thankfully, no contracts were signed yet) to him, suggesting that if he wants full control, he might as well handle everything. This would mean turning the house into an officially rent-controlled property, adhering to local housing regulations.

Now, he's pretty upset, branding me ungrateful, selfish, and overly controlling. Honestly, I’m at my wits' end and no longer interested in the house. I’m seriously considering grabbing our cat and temporarily moving in with my brother. Of course, I don’t wish to leave Alex, but I'm exhausted from dealing with his father's caprices.

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show; the dramatic interactions and my eventual bold ultimatum would likely resonate with viewers. It's intriguing to think about how audiences might react to such familial tensions being aired publicly, perhaps rooting for underdogs or critiquing behavior. Reality shows thrive on this kind of intense personal drama, and our situation could easily be a pivotal plot twist!

Would you live in a house your FIL controls?

I finalized my divorce from my husband about a year ago. Right after our split, his girlfriend—who had been his affair partner—moved into the house that we'd once called home. I decided to move abroad, leaving behind most belongings, and told him to keep whatever he wished. Honestly, his cheating hardly impacted me anymore; our relationship had fizzled out long before, and the affair simply pushed us to acknowledge it.

Following the divorce and her moving in, we ceased all communication since there was nothing left to discuss. However, out of the blue, a week ago, I received a cheery message from her complimenting the home's style and inquiring about where certain decorations and furnitures were from. I contemplated her message for a day, then responded somewhat sharply, telling her that since she seemed to have everything perfectly arranged, she should also manage to 'figure out' the décor on her own. She questioned what I meant, and I couldn't help but express that since she now had everything that my ex had wanted—which apparently didn't include me—she didn’t need to replicate my style, too.

She replied, claiming she was just trying to be nice and give me a compliment. Right after, my ex texted me, puzzled by the conflict since he thought we'd remained amicable after our split.

Although it's true that we had both moved on from the marriage emotionally, her attempt at stepping into my aesthetic shoes hit a nerve. My friends and family are split on my reaction. Was I wrong to respond the way I did???

Now, imagine this scenario playing out in a reality TV show. Cameras rolling as dramatic music swells, capturing every nuanced expression of shock, hurt, and defiance. It's easy to imagine how the audience would react—likely split, with some empathizing with my need to sever all ties and establish distinct identities, while others might criticize the sharpness in my response, arguing that a simple acknowledgment of the compliment could have sufficed. The allure of reality TV thrives on such conflicts, and surely this exchange would stir up heated discussions across social media, making it a highlight reel moment of the season.

How should I handle ex's GF copying my style?

My friend and landlord, Jeff, has always been close since we share a workplace and live next door to each other. We are both family men; Jeff has six children between the ages of five months and sixteen, whereas I have four, with the eldest being thirteen and the youngest at seven months. Recently, Jeff embarked on a full-scale renovation of his home, seeking my help in exchange for reducing my rent by $300 monthly. It seemed beneficial, so with my wife’s initial blessing, I started assisting him after work every day, except Sundays.

After work, I usually drop by my house to check on my wife and kids, then head to Jeff's place to lend a hand. The remodel includes updates to the living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, and the bathroom. About a week ago, however, tensions began to rise at home. My wife became unsettled after seeing me chat and laugh with Jeff's wife from our window. She felt neglected, accusing me of favoring the company of another woman. Despite my reassurances that there was nothing between Jeff's wife and me, my wife remained unconvinced. To avoid further conflict, I started avoiding eye contact whenever Jeff’s wife approached me, but this did little to alleviate my wife's distress. She refused to join me next door because she was uncomfortable around their poorly trained, overly energetic pitbull.

Matters escalated last Saturday when Jeff took a break to prepare dinner for his family, extending an invitation to me. After sharing a meal with them, I returned home to find my wife upset upon learning I had already eaten. She discarded the meal she had prepared for me and refused to converse with me for the remainder of the evening. The next day, during dinner, she pointedly mentioned there wasn’t enough food for me, suggesting I had plans to dine with Jeff’s family again. Her anger was palpable as she accused me of spending more time helping next door than at our home. Despite my attempts to explain that my interactions with Jeff’s wife were minimal and purely for assistance with chores, I awoke to discover that my wife and children had left, taking most of their belongings.

Feeling isolated, I reached out to my wife, only to receive cold responses disregarding my concern. Now, communication has ceased altogether, leaving me in a state of confusion and regret over the choices I made.

Imagine if this drama unfolded on a reality show, capturing each intense moment and confrontation. Viewers might rally behind my situation sympathetically or they might critique my obliviousness to my wife’s growing resentment. The dynamics of household and neighborly interactions would certainly keep an audience engaged, speculating on each character's next move and discussing the complexities of relationship trust and communication.

How should I address this mess with my wife effectively, considering the damage already done?

I'm a 32-year-old guy whose girlfriend, who is 33, recently bought a quaint little house. I didn't sign the deed, and honestly, I’ve had no issues with that arrangement. However, things took a slight turn when she asked me to chip in about 20,000 euros for home renovations and new furniture. It’s true that I would enjoy the improvements as much as she would while we're living together, but using up a big slice of my savings for a property that isn't in my name feels pretty risky.

Rather than making a hefty one-time investment, I suggested paying ongoing rent instead. It seemed like a fair solution to me; I’d help with the living costs without tapping deeply into my reserves. But my girlfriend didn't take it well. She believes it’s unfair because she’d have to shoulder the renovation expenses alone, potentially straining her finances. She can’t seem to wrap her head around why I'd prefer renting over helping her directly with the cash. In her eyes, paying rent would ultimately be an expensive path, and she thinks I am abandoning her in a financially tough spot.

I want to be supportive and definitely see a future together, but I must think about my financial stability too. Contributing in a way that also safeguards my end seems reasonable—doesn't it?

Now, imagine if this whole situation were part of a reality show. Audiences might be split on this drama! Some might side with my girlfriend, seeing my refusal to invest directly as a lack of commitment to our shared life. Others could empathize with my need to protect my own financial interests, particularly since I don’t have ownership of the house. The debates would likely intensify in social media comments, making for quite the storyline that keeps viewers hooked and fiercely debating the roles and responsibilities in a relationship related to money.

Am I a jerk for opting to pay rent rather than a lump sum into a house that isn't mine?

Hi guys,

Growing up, I endured mistreatment from one of my parents. When I opened up about it, my parents separated, and the abusive parent moved out. We stayed in the same apartment, I started therapy, and life moved on.

Still, I struggled with nightmares and flashbacks, particularly triggered by my bedroom. I requested to change rooms or at least rearrange mine, but my family refused.

This discomfort persisted, and I left home as soon as possible. Even now, visiting my family makes me uneasy, a feeling that intensified after I reported the abuse in 2021 and had to recount the details of the apartment.

Now, I stay with a friend during visits.

My mother recently acquired her aunt's apartment nearby and is fervently renovating it. She often sends me photos of the progress. While I get why she wants to share, I feel resentful that there was never such excitement about updating my own space or moving while I was there. She claimed we couldn't afford to move then, but now she's taking on significant debt, which might even fall on me, as she's buying the flat to finance her aunt's care.

Compounding my distress, my mother approached the friend I stay with to rent our old apartment. It feels like I'm losing my safe haven to the shadows of my past.

To others, it may just be a series of new beginnings, and perhaps to some, an apartment is just that. My mother argues that I'm being unreasonable and insists everything is fresh and free of past burdens. She believes I should wait and see once renovations are complete. I've explained that it doesn't feel that way to me and asked her to dial back on the renovation updates, but she hasn't adjusted her approach.

What hits differently is how people's indifference makes me feel isolated. If I were on a reality show, viewers might see just how deep these "renovations" cut and could better understand why I can't just let go of the past as easily as they're redecorating.

Am I wrong for letting my emotions show and for telling her instead of acting thrilled for everyone else's sake?

My Partner and I Disagreed About Our House Renovation Project

So my partner and I disagreed about me asking him to take time off for our house renovation project. I suggested he use some of his holiday for a garden project so we could get a big proportion of it done in one go. He said no, his holiday was his time to do what he wanted and it wasn't fair for me to ask him to use it for the house renovations as he has less holidays than me. I said maybe he could just use 1 or 2 days and he said he would not compromise on this and wanted to do the project over several weekends instead.

As I have school holidays off, I said I would not be comprising either and would be getting the work done in my holidays and not just on the weekends as I wanted it to be done sooner.

He said that was not fair as he wanted to be just as involved in the project as me and accused me of threatening to do the work without him and not respecting his choice to save his holidays for things he likes doing more. He also said I could do other projects to which I replied that I just end up doing the rubbish jobs that he doesn't want to do because I have more holidays than him.

If we were in a reality show, I wonder how people would react to this situation. Would they side with me, or would they think I'm being unreasonable? It's so easy for others to judge when they're not in the same position.