Grieving a parent sucks, and everything that happened since
The story
Everything was fine when I was still in education.
I had my home, I had my mum, my younger brother, and we all had each other. I had her to talk to, to get advice from, to ask for help whenever something was too complicated or "too adult" to understand. When I moved to the UK to go to University, I called all the time, felt homesick, frustrated, I couldn't understand the school system, and I was so afraid of making new friends and finding communities, even stuff I was interested in. But she was always a phone call away, she would always remind me that. When I graduated with a Music degree, I was still hopeful even though I knew how cutthroat all areas of the industry would be, and even though she never had a clue because it was out of her field, she always knew what to tell me to push me into the direction I wanted to go.
Then she got cancer, the big bitch of medicine. Funny, she had it 2 separate times before and recovered for well over 10 years, so when she told us, I was still afraid, I still cried rivers of tears, but even her and the doctors thought she would make it through this time as well. So she got treated, I graduated, we celebrated with an Indian takeaway, and I decided to stay in the city to find work, build up my name and make connections while working in hospitality, as was always the plan. But the plan didn't work, because I couldn't find a job. I went on to get financial benefits, which made her cross because she was sure it would only be temporary and I would find work soon. Even when I did, 5 months later, I found that I had been accepted to work in the most emotionally abusive environment I had experienced so far (they may as well be for an entirely different story). Then she went to the hospital, apparently something not involving the cancer had gone wrong and she needed to be treated. When I went to see her, she told me and my brother that they had to stop her chemo, that it had spread, and she wasn't going to be alive for much longer. I was 22 at the time, and barely understood how bills or tax worked, and I had no music career I could see in front of me, nor one that she would be here for.
They told us it could be months, or it could be shorter, the doctors didn't know, but it was enough time for everything to crumble. I spent as much time as I could with her, while still trying to meet my abusive bosses standards, and desperately begging for shifts to keep myself from going completely broke. I could talk all day about the month I experienced, with the news, everything needed sorting, and I was next of kin so I had to do most of it, and I hardly found enough time I could spend with her, let alone talk about the mundane parts of life.
Then she died, not even a month after she told me she would. Ever since I took more emotional beatings from work, more documents to sort, my brother being almost an adult at the time was due to go into foster care because I didn't earn enough to provide for him (he is safe now, with a family friend we've known since childhood). I went into the deepest depression I had ever been in, tried everything I could to not loose myself in despair, but it was all too much. And all I wanted to do at that time was to call her just to hear her voice, talk about what we saw on walks, on schoolwork, everything we talked about normally.
So I set to work, I went back to my home country to clear out my childhood home, report her death, collect her documents, the place she worked even made a plaque to honour her memory, which might have been the closest thing I could have for a funeral. Since then, I still had not found work after I returned, I still had documents to complete, and I still wanted a career. I was expected to keep going with everyone else when I wanted to just stop everything and bury myself where no one would find me, but I knew I couldn't. I'm 24 now, I'm trying to work things out, even moved in with my partners wonderful family so I wouldn't destroy my sanity trying to keep up with an unkind economy.
Even after all of that, she is still gone, and I am still completely lost, and feel like I have no way of moving forward. My only options lately are to take things slowly and talk about it, so here I am talking about it, because that seems to be the most straightforward solution.
This has been my story the last year and a half, and it really really sucks looking back on it.
I appreciate anyone who reads this, I'm sorry it won't be a positive story, but thank you.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
honestly, it feels like you're kinda romanticizing the past a bit too much here; yeah, life back then might've felt more stable but it's not like everything was perfect 🙄. i get that loss is brutal and can shake you to your core, but pinning all your hopes on how things "used to be" isn't gonna help; think of it this way: just because you had someone guiding you before doesn't mean you can't figure stuff out now. i remember when my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack, i thought my world was ending too 🤷♂️ but turns out life moves on whether you’re on board or not. sure, it's easier to blame circumstances for why things aren't going smooth as butter right now (especially with the music industry being as competitive as ever), but maybe try focusing on small wins? you've got time in front of you, and sometimes taking tiny steps forward can make a difference over stewing in what's lost 😬!
yo, sorry for your loss and all the craziness you've been through, but why on earth did you stick around in that toxic work environment instead of bouncing outta there?
i totally get where you're coming from—losing a parent, especially when you're still trying to figure out your own life, can feel like everything is unraveling at once. it's tough having that constant support ripped away, and the way you've described your relationship with your mum shows you had a really special bond. transitioning from uni to the "real world" is hard enough without all this weight on your shoulders. but maybe there’s some solace in knowing how resilient you’ve been through it all, even if it feels like one step forward and two steps back sometimes. it sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders for taking things slow and talking about what’s happened; those two things can be pretty powerful in finding some clarity amidst chaos. hang in there—you’re doing more than you might give yourself credit for 🌟!
Honestly, it sounds like you're stuck in a cycle of waiting for things to get better while clinging onto the past—and that's just not gonna cut it 😑.
i'm so sorry you're navigating such rough waters right now, it sounds utterly overwhelming 😟; i hear your pain and the mix of emotions swirling through your mind. losing a parent can feel like trying to pilot a ship without a compass, but let me say this: your strength is already evident in how you’ve handled everything thrown at you. when my mom passed away, it felt as though the universe expected me to know things I never got taught! just remember, resilience isn't about bouncing back immediately... it's about holding on even when the road gets rocky. keep leaning on those around you who understand your journey because talking really does lighten that heavy load ❤️
it's really tough when life takes such a hard left turn like that, especially with the loss of your mom; but you know, it's okay to feel lost and even angry. i mean, losing someone who was a source of strength can make everything feel unmanageable. i remember something my therapist once said: "grieving is messy and doesn't follow a neat timeline" – sounds kinda clichéd, but it's true; the music industry may be chaotic, but that creativity you have might just guide you in unexpected ways. maybe try channeling your emotions into your music? it could be cathartic and might even open up some new paths for you professionally. take care of yourself first though!
First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've had a whirlwind of challenges hitting you from all sides; it's okay to feel overwhelmed! But remember, "not all those who wander are lost." The grief and the setbacks might make it feel like you're in limbo right now, but from what you've shared, I can see resilience woven into your story.
The music industry, much like life itself, is full of ups and downs—it's almost like jazz where the beauty lies in improvisation amid chaos. Maybe try finding small moments that bring you joy or peace—those victories, no matter how insignificant they seem, can help anchor you as you navigate through these turbulent times. You've managed so much already!
Man, that's a tough story, no doubt about it. It's like life just threw one curveball after another at you. But honestly, even though it feels so overwhelming right now and everything seems to be piling up on you, you've already shown some serious resilience by sharing your story and seeking support. When my mom passed away unexpectedly too, I felt like the world was spinning out of control and everything was just falling apart 💔. You know what helped? Finding small things that brought a bit of peace or distraction – even if it's just listening to music or picking up a new hobby. Things won't change overnight but you're definitely stronger than you think for getting through all this so far!
it's truly overwhelming how everything can change in a blink, huh?
man, i'm really sorry about all you've been through, it's a heavy load to carry and i can't even imagine how that feels but from what you're sharing here, it seems like you're trying your best to take steps forward despite everything that's happened; honestly, sometimes life throws so many curveballs that it's rough getting back up each time but keep in mind that resilience is key and maybe focusing on building new routines!
Man, losing someone that close, especially your mom, is some of the hardest stuff anyone can go through; it’s like you’re just thrown into the deep end without a life jacket. But honestly, dwelling too much on those idealized memories might keep you stuck in a loop. I think it's time to start redefining what “moving forward” means for you now. When my uncle passed—he was like a second father to me—I realized reminiscing had its place but life demanded more immediate attention before I got completely lost in nostalgia;; Sounds rough with everything piled up at once and you're juggling adulting while dealing with all this emotional weight! Maybe instead of looking for one big solution, it's about taking each day as it comes and giving yourself props for even the smallest wins! Hang in there—you've already faced a ton and you're still kicking💪
reading your story reminded me of a time when my cousin was in a similar spot after losing her mom while juggling new adult responsibilities; it's like you're thrown into the deep end with no lifeline 🥺.
it's kinda like when you’re watching a movie and wish you could pause it, everything around you just keeps moving no matter how hard you try to hold onto certain moments, right?
it's incredibly tough what you've been through, and reading your story reminded me of how disorienting life's transitions can be, especially when compounded by loss; you know, sometimes i think the world expects too much from us too soon, like we're supposed to have all the answers right away, but there's something to be said for growing into those responsibilities at our own pace.
it's really heartbreaking to see how much you've gone through, and while it's tough without your mom's support, you're definitely not alone in feeling lost. what stuck out to me was your perseverance despite all the chaos; many would have given up, but you're still here pushing forward 😉 have you considered using this time to redefine what success looks like for you? maybe it's not just about a career right now, but also finding stability and taking care of yourself. sometimes those shifts in perspective make all the difference!
You know, reading about all this makes me wonder if leaning on your partner’s family could be more helpful than you think sometimes it's really about community in times like these; have you tried connecting with others who've gone through similar losses?
damn, reading your story hits hard man. it's like life just slammed you with a ton of bricks all at once and now you're left picking up the pieces. honestly, maybe instead of trying to chase down solutions for this clusterfuck all at once, focusing on tiny steps could be key. when my world fell apart in my early 20s too, what helped was setting small goals that were achievable each day; kind of builds up momentum slowly. remember, there's no right way to deal with this shit—just do what feels manageable for you today 💪 keep talking about it too... might help release some of that weight you're carrying around!
Dude, I can't even begin to understand the weight of all you've been dealing with. Losing your mom and then being hit with adult responsibilities like that is just brutal. It's like life's playing some sick game where everything happens at once, never giving you a chance to breathe. Maybe finding small ways to honor your mom could help—a creative project or something in her memory might give a bit of peace; And hey, don't feel bad about taking your time figuring things out. You're doing what you can in this crazy mess, so cut yourself some slack. Just keep talking about it if it helps, you're not alone in feeling lost amidst all this chaos.
Your story resonates with a profound sense of resilience amidst incredibly challenging circumstances. The emotional strain paired with the sudden thrust into adult responsibilities must feel overwhelming, but there's something powerful in how you're choosing to face each day despite it all. Maybe it's about gently allowing yourself time for grieving and growth without any pressure to have all the answers right now. Emotional healing can be as pivotal as securing a career, so perhaps focusing on small steps could gradually illuminate a path forward.