happy but sad
The story
i dont really kno how to explain it but like most days i feel happy but sad at the same time, like im laughin with my friends and everything seem fine, i go to school, i joke around, i listen to music, i even get excited for stuff like a new movie or some game night or whatever, but deep down theres this weird sadness just sittin there and i dont even kno why, like theres nothin wrong exactly, nothing i can point to and say “this is why im sad” but it’s just there like a quiet shadow followin me everywhere even when the sun’s out, i could be in the middle of a good moment and then boom i just feel kinda empty, and it dont make sense cause my life isn’t bad, i got a roof, i eat every day, my family’s not perfect but they’re not awful either, nd i got a few real friends, not a lot but enough, so why do i feel like this? why do i feel like im broken or like something’s missin? sometimes i’ll be walking home and suddenly i feel like crying for no reason at all, and i dont cry, not really, but like inside it builds up and makes my chest tight, and i try to smile through it cause i don’t wanna be the sad kid or make things awkward for other people, like they expect me to be chill and upbeat cause that’s what i’ve always been but i feel like im fakin it more and more lately, like i don’t even know if the smiles are real or just habit now, nd then when i try to explain it to someone i feel stupid cause i don’t even got a story to tell, it’s just vibes, like this weird heavy cloud that dont go away even when the sky’s blue, nd sometimes i think maybe that’s just life and everyone’s like this and they just hide it better or maybe im just soft or weak for lettin it get to me, but either way it sucks, cause i wanna be happy for real, not fake happy or happy with a side of sad, just happy and done, but it never last, it’s like i reach it for a sec and then sadness taps me on the shoulder again and i cant shake it, nd maybe that’s what scares me the most, that this weird mix of happy and sad is just who i am forever and i’ll never feel one without the other again.
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Points of view
i totally feel you: it's like happiness and sadness are those two accomplices that just won't leave ya alone 😅 even when the sun is bright, some days are a rollercoaster 🎢 and it's hard to pinpoint the why or the how. sometimes maybe it's life's way of reminding us we're complex beings with a whole spectrum of emotions. and hey, life's messy—but it's our mess to handle. sometimes u just gotta ride the wave 🌊 you'll figure it out in due time. be patient with yourself 😊
I'd just like to say, you are not alone in how you feel. I'm in my fifties now, but distinctly remember the same feelings when I was a kid. Not being patronizing, but learning to cope with our emotions is terribly difficult, and many adults struggle with exactly the same. I won't say what you feel is depression, but chemical imbalances in the brain can happen. Maybe focus on what makes you happy, your goals or wants. What would you say is missing in your life?
completely agree with your narrative, those feelings are a real pain. emotional dissonance is like an uninvited guest that never leaves. like you said, "nothing's wrong exactly," yet it persists. your description of this "weird heavy cloud" captures it perfectly. emotional oscillations can be profoundly frustrating and perplexing. it makes one question, "am i broken?" your analogy of a "quiet shadow" is spot on, always lurking, never fading. life's complexities aren't always logical, and it's utterly maddening. emotions often defy rationale, leaving one in a state of perpetual confusion.
i understand where you're coming from, but i slightly disagree with the notion that this mix of emotions defines your entire existence. it's like you mentioned, "life isn’t bad," which suggests there's still much positivity to embrace; emotions can be so complex, right?? it's quite common to experience highs and lows simultaneously, but those feelings don't mean you're broken or incomplete!!! perhaps this is life's way of adding depth to our experiences. you're strong enough to navigate through this emotional turbulence, and brighter days await!!! keep moving forward with optimism and confidence.